


In The Heat of the Moment

by ivebeensoniced



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Deepthroating, Dubious Consent, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Oral Sex, backgroud Isaac/Scott, other fun stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-11-14 14:02:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 57,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivebeensoniced/pseuds/ivebeensoniced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pack goes into heat and the only human member of the pack is given two warnings, stay away from them, but more importantly stay away from Jackson. Stiles doesn't listen. This is what happens. Crap summary, hopefully better fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I promise im working on this stories next chapter, its just i work retail and with the holidays and all nighters and etc... Well i havent been able to write as much as i wanted to but i am writing it, so patience...please. thanks y'all.

            The sun was high in the sky and the freezing cold of the morning gave way to the lazy heat of the day, it was still freezing cold though, just less so. Steam rose off the forest floor where the cold waters of the early morning slowly evaporated up into the sky in white tendrils. Stiles ran through the mist as fast as his legs could carry him. He crashed through the thick underbrush as twigs and branches cut and slapped against his flesh, he leaped over dips and fallen logs, and zigzagged between tall looming trees, all while his heart hammered in his chest, as his breath huffed out of him with every step.

The entire time he wondered why he never listened to the people in his life, they were always telling him things, always telling him to be careful and pay attention, they always said it was for his own good. He never did listen though, and he refused to heed people’s warnings, no, he’d learned fast that, often times, the things adults tell you not to do were usually the most fun.

He wished he’d listened this time, as he ran as fast as he could, especially when his foot caught on a branch and Stiles felt his body jerk forward, his face hit the dirt hard beneath him as all the air was slammed out of his body. Behind him, around him, everywhere, vibrating inside his head and around the woods, all he heard was the snarling growl of a wolf on the hunt.

           

Last week Derek had explained that the three days of the full moon—the day before, the day of, and the day after—the pack would be going through its heat.

            “Wait, so are you saying…are you saying what I think your saying?” Erica looked confused.

            “It’s…It’s a strange situation. We can normally handle things on our own. We spend those days alone with some…toys, doing…and it’s no big deal. But the younger you are the harder it is and you’re all teenagers…I’d feel better knowing you were safe…You can do dangerous things when going through heat and…” Derek stopped talking; he looked horrifically embarrassed and mortified.

            “What is it exactly,” Stiles wanted to know, everything, like usual.

            “Well…” Derek sighed, “As wolves we go through two heats a year, one as a pack and one individually. The pack heat is started by the…alpha. When the alpha goes into heat so does the pack.”

            “Okay, but what does it mean,” Stiles still didn’t get it, he knew it involved sex, he just didn’t know how.

            Derek glared at Stiles and opened his mouth, but stopped short. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Behind him Peter started to giggle.

            “Shut up!” said Derek turning his glare on his uncle, the man simply rolled his eyes.

            “What Derek is so adorably embarrassed to tell you is that going into heat means that you all will be hornier than you’ve ever been in your short little lives. You’re going to want to fuck and be fucked more than you’ve ever wanted and it’s not going to be good or fun but painful...unbearably so.” Peter smiled as he told the pack. Erica pulled Boyd closer against her, Isaac and Scott gave each other scared looks and Jackson…Jackson wasn’t even there.

            Derek saw the strange look on his packs face and felt the need to add, “It gets better as you get older, easier, and some alone time is enough…But for the most part Peter is right. It’s painful and strange and somewhat…scary. The urge is powerful, and for you guys, Scott and Isaac, the strangest part will be…well you’re not just going to want to fuck…your going to want to be…”

            “Fucked,” finished Peter, Isaac and Scott balked at the idea.

“Erica and Boyd are lucky, they’re each others mates, it makes it way easier to have someone willing, mated pairs only feel the need to mate with each other…But for the rest of you…well, be here when it starts, and you’ll know when it starts…we’ll handle things form there…except for Stiles for the love of god don’t fucking show up!” Derek finished his explanation with a pointed look at Stiles and dismissed the pack. They were quieter than usual as they left Derek’s new hideout, an apartment building set far from the center of town, right at the edge of the industrial factories. Peter had bought it long ago, when the Hale pack had been whole.

Stiles watched as Scott and Isaac talked awkwardly, probably making plans already, he wondered who was the bigger bottom, Stiles would put his money on Scott but...Stiles flinched when he felt a hand land on his shoulder, it roughly pulled him into the room next to the living room Derek usually held his pack meetings in.

“Stiles,” started Derek, “I have something important to tell you. I think you noticed that Jackson wasn’t here, he already knows about this, but there’s something you need to do this week while we’re all out of commission, other than stay out of trouble…I really need you to stay away from Jackson. Don’t go looking for him, don’t talk to him, don’t even let him see you, do you understand?”

“Yeah of cour—“

“No, see, stop right there. You always do this, make light of a situation but this is important. Stay. Away. From Jackson.” Derek looked Stiles in his eyes and held his gaze for a minute before walking away. Stiles sighed and watched Derek walk away, he knew that the next few days were going to be hard for him, not being able to be with his friends, but Stiles couldn’t understand why Derek thought he would go out of his way to go look for Jackson…Having said that though, Stiles had every intention on seeing Jackson, now.

 

And for that reason he found himself on the dirty forest floor, face bruised and cut from running through the woods. He’d gone to Jackson’s house, it was Thursday, the day after the full moon and the last day of their heat, Stiles had thought it’d be safe-ish. He found the house empty, or so he’d thought. He entered through the backdoor, it was unlocked, and climbed the stairs to Jackson’s room. He found the turned wolf, chained down, literally, bolts were drilled into the ceiling and floor of his room, from them thick monstrous chains were attached and those were themselves attached to Jackson. He was snarling and panting and when he saw Stiles he howled, his eyes shown electric blue.

Stiles ran as Jackson shifted, as the boys fangs elongated, and hair sprouted on his face. Stiles heard the unmistakable sound of chains being ripped apart and falling to the wooden floor in the loud musical tinkle of chains. Stiles launched himself out of the house and straight into the woods, and ran for his life. Behind him he could hear the snarling sound of Jackson giving chase.

Where he lay, bruised and terrified, Stiles tried hard to catch his breath quietly, he didn’t want Jackson to hear him and rip him to shreds. He slowly rose to his feet and looked around him and became painfully aware of the silence that had fallen all around. He was wheezing, trying really hard not to, when something slammed into his side and pinned him to the ground.

Jackson held Stiles’ arms above his head; the wolf was panting hard as sweat poured down his face in thick streams. He didn’t have a shirt, all he had on were a pair of loose sweats. Jackson roared loud, right in his face and Stiles let out a small yelp.

“Please…Jackson…don’t…” Stiles knew he sounded pathetic, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. Jackson’s face was contorted in horrible animal fury, his lips were pulled back exposing his fangs.

But slowly Stiles saw as Jackson’s expression changed, from something angry to something pained. His wolf features pulled away until all that Stiles saw was Jackson, his eyes were bunched together and his entire body was shaking. Then Jackson started to whimper, just like a dog, the universal sign of an animal in pain. Jackson whimpered and closed his eyes, bit his lip, and clenched his fists.

Slowly, Stiles started shuffling himself backwards, out from under Jackson. He slid slowly on his back and when his feet passed Jackson’s thighs he turned and pulled himself forward with his arms as he tried to scramble away. Stiles thought maybe…

Jackson grabbed onto Stiles’ ankle and pulled him roughly back, flipped him onto his back and raised his clawed hand. Stiles closed his eyes and waited for the blow. He heard Jackson growl as he swung, felt as the claws skimmed over his body, his shirt was ripped off and flew away, but his flesh was left intact.        

Stiles waited, and slowly opened his eyes. Jackson had his own eyes sealed shut, he was biting his lip, and had his hands in fists which he brought down suddenly next to Stiles’ head.

“Why don’t you listen! I fucking told him, I told him to keep you away from me I didn’t want to—and he said—and why the fuck don’t you listen!” Jackson was yelling and slamming his fists next to Stiles’ head and all the boy could do was watch the wolf try his hardest to fight off his own natural urges.

“Why—why, I—and I-I…Why…do you smell…so good,” said Jackson surprising Stiles. “You smell just like—so good…so good,” Jackson bent forward and pressed his forehead against Stiles’ bare chest. Stiles turned his head and closed his eyes in an attempt to keep his brain from processing what it was seeing and feeling. Stiles noticed his shirt hanging in shreds on the low braches of a tree a few feet away and tried his hardest to ignore the press of Jackson’s searing hot skin against his own.

Jackson took a deep whiff of Stiles, his nose was pressed tight against the boy’s chest and inhaled, and then he moaned. It was a sound that completely shocked Stiles back to attention, made him painfully aware of his missing shirt, and the sweat on his skin, and, absurdly, the fact that he hadn’t showered since the day before. But Jackson moaned and took deep whiffs of Stiles while rubbing his face against the boy’s flat chest.

“ _God,_ your skin is so soft, _mmmmmm_ ,” Jackson kept rubbing his face across Stiles chest, sniffing and humming. Stiles flinched and tried to push Jackson away when he felt the moist wet heat of Jackson’s tongue drag across his skin. Jackson just grabbed his arms and held them over Stiles’ head, he gave Stiles a pointed look, which instantly turned pained and remorseful, and Stiles wasn’t sure how he felt—hateful towards Jackson for doing whatever he was planning on doing to him or maybe, possibly, reluctantly understanding, after all Jackson was in a situation that he had no control over.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, Stiles I can’t—I can’t stop. It hurts _So much_ …and you smell _so good_ ,” Jackson licked another stripe across Stiles chest.

“Okay I don’t know, Jackson just, just give me some time and I—I—I why, Jackson. Jackson! Stop, that, Jax, please, I can’t—please,” Stiles was babbling, he knew he wasn’t going to get away, not anymore, what he didn’t know was that Jackson could make him feel so…so… _hot._

Jackson kept lapping at Stiles’ chest, covered the expanse of flat muscles with his tongue, Stiles couldn’t keep his body from shivering beneath the ministrations. He kept babbling things, he wasn’t even sure what he was saying but he was begging Jackson to—and he begged—and he couldn’t stop, he just needed…needed….

Jackson slowly traveled from the center of Stiles’ chest all the way to his armpit and buried his nose there. Stiles twitched, it tickled, but Jackson moaned loud, and the whole thing wasn’t funny, it was weirdly hot. Jackson did the same to the other armpit before licking his way up Stiles’ neck, tracing the cords of muscles with the tip of his tongue before wrapping the wet appendage around the curve of Stiles’ chin.

Jackson then began licking Stiles lips and whimpering, begging Stiles to let him in. Stiles thought about it, his body was on fire everywhere Jackson touched him and amazingly cool wherever Jackson’s saliva slowly evaporated. Stiles wanted it, whatever Jackson was preparing to give him, something inside him had burst in a giant well of want so big he couldn’t help let out a small whimper of his own. He opened his mouth, just a crack, but that was all Jackson needed and soon Stiles had a mouthful of Jackson’s tongue as it explored every crevice, as it tasted.

Jackson slowly coaxed Stiles’ tongue into his own mouth and sucked on it, massaged it, enjoyed the feeling of Stiles taking over the kiss, dominating, it was good, it was forgiveness, permission. Stiles kissed Jackson back with all he could, he thought of Lydia, and how he always dreamed about doing this to her, making out with her, petting her, getting her wet and ready for him, he wished someone had told him what a huge bitch she was before he had fallen in love, though if he thought about it some one had, Jackson.

Never in Stiles’ life did he think his first sexual experience was going to be with Jackson of all people, never in his life did he think he would be the girl, and never in his life did he think that there would be nothing he wanted more than to have Jackson fuck him, because he did, he wanted it, he burned for, like Jackson burned for him.

 

As if by some predetermined decision, Jackson broke away from the kiss and rose, Stiles noticed how calm Jackson looked, how at peace, the wild beast that had chased him down had been replaced with Jackson as he was, and apparently what Jackson was, was a gentle and considerate lover. Jackson slowly pulled off Stiles shoes, folded and stuffed each sock in a shoe before tossing them away. Jackson moved on and slowly unbuckled Stiles’ belt, and the whole time the wolf watched Stiles’ face, he looked for any sign that Stiles wanted to stop, something to tell him that he was going too far, but saw none. He unbuttoned the boy’s jeans with hands that were suddenly trembling, he was nervous and overcome by hormones, and knew there was nothing he could do to stop. He ignored the mound of flesh that pressed against his hands as he lowered the boy’s zipper and then pulled off the pants. He tossed those aside and then just breathed to keep himself from getting overwhelmed. Stiles was panting and watching him with curious attention, his underwear was tented, a large wet spot had formed at the tip of Stiles’ dick and Jackson had to swallow as his mouth filled with saliva.

“Jackson,” started Stiles, startling Jackson out of his reverie, the boy was blushing and his usual energetic demeanor seemed subdued, “whatever you need…I…I want to help.” Jackson didn’t need to hear that, it made the wolf inside him howl with pleasure and anticipation, it made his skin catch fire and it made him dive down and wrap his mouth around the mound of cotton that was wrapped around Stiles dick, and he sucked, and it was ambrosia, the drink of the gods, it was delicious, and it ripped a completely slutty moan out of his mouth.

 

Stiles was not prepared for what Jackson was doing, the heat alone was overwhelming, but the feel of the moist tongue on his almost exposed dick was too much. Stiles moaned and Jackson hummed in return. Jackson mouth every inch of tented cotton he could, pressed his nose underneath the mound of Stiles’ balls and took a deep satisfying whiff. Jackson grabbed the hem of Stiles underwear and pulled them off and threw them aside before diving back in, taking Stiles’ firm flesh in his mouth and _sucking_ , hard.

_“Fuuuck,”_ Stiles’ eyes rolled into the back of his head as Jackson sunk down on his dick, all the way down, until his nose was buried in the boy’s pubes. Jackson didn’t know he could do it and took some pride in his hidden talent. Stiles would have taken note of the surreal view, of seeing the king of jocks deep throating his dick, he would have, if he had been capable of thought, he wasn’t.

Jackson bobbed up and down as Stiles moaned and tried to fight off his quickly approaching orgasm. Jackson pulled off to bury his nose in the thick bush of hair and committed the scent to memory, he let Stiles’ dick rub against his face, he loved the velvety texture, before wrapping his lips around Stiles balls and sucking on them, soaking them in saliva, and massaging them lightly with his teeth.

From the pockets of his sweats Jackson pulled out a bottle of lube, even in his animal haze he’d had the presence of mind to grab the small bottle before giving chase. Jackson covered his fingers in the slick liquid and, while sucking on Stiles’ dick, slowly circled the boy’s hole. Stiles wasn’t totally aware of what Jackson was doing, his body was on overload, all the sensations were driving him wild and it wasn’t until Jackson sunk a finger all the way inside him did he realize what the wolf was doing. A finger slowly turned into two and Stiles involuntarily began to raise his hips to give Jackson better access. Jackson sucked and fingered and slowly prepared Stiles, he hadn’t wanted to do it this way, but…

Jackson moved on to three fingers and was deep throating Stiles as best he could, he sucked hard and massaged the flesh with his tongue and took cues from Stiles’ whimpering and moaning. As he did he curled his fingers, scissored them, and thrust them in and out.

“Jackson…stop…Stop! I-I I’m close. I’m going to—“

Jackson pulled off Stiles’ dick, he waited for the boy to calm down and ease away from his impending orgasm. But Jackson couldn’t resist keeping the boy on edge with his fingers, curled them inside Stiles and searched for that small mound of flesh that Jackson knew would bring him amazing pleasure, Danny had told him. But Jackson took pity on Stiles and pulled his fingers out. He leaned forward and kissed Stiles, ran his hands over the boys head and the downy hair that covered it. Stiles whimpered the entire time as his dick twitched and his orgasm slowly faded into something more manageable.

Jackson lifted Stiles hips and placed the boy’s legs on his shoulders before he lined himself up, it was time, he couldn’t wait any longer, it was miracle he’d waited at all, but Jackson always believed that he would do anything for the boy, even fight off his natural urges. Stiles was ready, and when Jackson looked at him for permission, Stiles gave it with a nod of his head and felt as Jackson slowly sunk into him in one fluid motion. To his surprise it didn’t hurt, Jackson had prepared him too well for that. Instead, Stiles felt full, pleasantly so, and when Jackson started to move he felt fucking amazing, he felt the give and pull of his ass and its rim as it clung to Jackson and it was all so new and so…so… _perfect._

Jackson started a slow easy pace that quickly became something more, something faster and harsher, until the loud slap of flesh echoed around the trees. Jackson gnashed his teeth as his wolf rose to the surface and tried to take over, Jackson refused, he wouldn’t turn, not with Stiles, not unless he asked, he wouldn’t hurt him. So he fought his wolf, kept it below the surface and underneath his skin, but he couldn’t stop the relentless pace he was building up to.

Stiles couldn’t breath, he couldn’t see, all he could do was feel the rolling pleasure of his body, the hard slap of Jackson’s torso as it slammed into his ass and the way the wolfs dick curved just enough to hit his prostate. It didn’t exactly make him feel good, not instantly, instead it felt like something inside him was filling up, reaching a point where Stiles felt he would explode, he knew it was soon, but not soon enough, he was ready but something was missing.

Jackson felt his own orgasm building and his instincts took over, he buried himself deep inside Stiles, as far as his he could, and then leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the boys neck and sunk his teeth into the flesh as his knot filled with blood and locked the two together, and when Stiles announced his orgasm with a loud moan, Jackson came with him, over and over, until his vision went white and his body collapsed onto the boy beneath him.

Stiles’ eyes went wide when he felt Jackson’s dick getting bigger, expanding to the point that it almost hurt, almost, but what Stiles mostly felt was the incredible feeling of electricity coursing his body, tingling his skin, and it was all so amazing and powerful, and it was his first time, but he would always remember this moment, always.

Jackson panted around the meat in his mouth and Stiles moaned and moaned and Jackson wished he’d shut up because it was driving him insane, so he rutted, he pushed and pulled and felt his knot pulling on the muscles of Stiles’ ass, he was firmly stuck and if he pulled hard enough he would hurt the both of them. Instead, he pulled enough to make Stiles gasp and clench, and it was fucking amazing and Jackson wasn’t prepared for it, the….emotions, because Jackson was in love with boy, with Stiles, had been, for months, since he was a wolf and saw him and smelled him and he just knew, he knew.

Jackson slowly rolled Stiles around his knot, positioned them until he was able to hug the boy, until they were spooning and lying on the ground among dead leaves. His dick staid painfully hard and fat, Jackson wasn’t used to the feeling of his knot, it was completely foreign, to have a hard on and feel it get even harder, even bigger, and the sensitivity, it was overpowering. Every few minutes Jackson could feel orgasm after orgasm course through his body, he was filling Stiles up with his come and it was pure bliss. Jackson was happy; for once in his life he was completely happy.

Stiles didn’t speak, he couldn’t, his brain had short circuited with intense pleasure and joy. Stiles focused on the way Jackson kept twitching inside him, or the hand that was rubbing up and down his torso, from his abs up to his chest, and the way Jackson kept nuzzling his neck with his nose, it all made Stiles feel…special…loved…cherished, it had been far too long since Stiles had felt that way not since…Jackson kissed the back of his neck and lightly kissed the bite he’d place there, his mark.

 

Stiles’ mind finally drifted as he slowly sunk into a deep sleep. He remembered a long time ago, not that long actually, a few weeks, Scott had burst into his room crying. He had never done that before, they were guys, guys didn’t cry, at least no in front of each other, but Scott was and he threw himself on Stiles bed.

“Dude, Scott what’s wrong? Scott, your scaring me, what’s wrong is everyone okay, did something happen? Scott, SCOTT!” Stiles went from nervous to scared in a span of ten seconds, Scott just cried and sniffled.

Finally, after wiping his face with his hands and taking a few deep breathes Scott talked, “Derek said me and Allison aren’t mates, he said she’s not the one for me. I asked him how he could possibly know. He asked if we had sex already and I was like ‘duh’ and he asked me if anything weird happened, and I said like what, but Derek just shook his head and said that if it had happened I would know. He said that the only way to know if you’ve found you’re true mate is if your knot appears while having sex, he said because mine hadn’t it meant that Allison wasn’t my mate, he said that it didn’t mean she wasn’t, it just meant she wasn’t then…or might never be…” Scott took a breath and wiped the fresh tears that fell from his eyes before releasing a long sigh. Stiles stepped away from his desk and sat next to Scott on the bed, he threw an arm around his life long friend and hugged him close.

Stiles thought about that now and what it meant. He clenched his ass around the round mound of flesh that was trapped inside him, he knew what it was, and had no idea how to feel about it.

“How long have you known,” suddenly asked Stiles, Jackson hummed in response to acknowledge he was listening but didn’t understand, “that I was your mate…how long have you known.” Stiles waited for the response, Jackson just sighed loudly before pressing his forehead against the back of Stiles neck.

“I—“

“Don’t lie, I know…about knotting, about what it means…”

“I’ve known for a while…since after my first full moon…since I went full wolf, after Peter taught me. I smelled you once…and it was,” Jackson had a small smile on his face, his eyes were closed as he remembered the first time he really smelled Stiles, the first time his wolf recognized the scent of its mate, it was like…coming home. That was what Stiles smelled like to him, he smelled like home, clean linen sheets, lemon pledge, sugar cookies, chocolate cake, and hope. “…So I’ve known for a while.”

“Why—why didn’t you tell me?” Stiles wasn’t sure why, but knowing that Jackson had known that he was his mate for months, _months_ , was kind of insulting. Stiles thought back to Jackson first transformation, his first full moon, that had been nine months ago, in December, it was September now, that entire time Jackson had known and said nothing. “We’re you ashamed of me, am I not good enough, why wouldn’t you tell—“

Jackson shut the boy up with a rough kiss to his mouth, he twisted the boys head just enough to deepen the kiss, to pour as much affection as he could into it. “I didn’t tell you Stiles because,” Jackson pressed their foreheads together, “because I’m not good enough for you…you deserve someone better, someone who knows how to…who understands…I don’t even know how to say it!” Jackson laughed a self depreciating laugh, it was nearly impossible to describe how he felt for the boy, it was all new to him too, the feelings, the well of emotions that suddenly and irrevocably burst inside him on sight and sense alone. “I didn’t want to turn you into another Lydia…She used to be sweet and kind and then she dated me and changed…I…you should never change Stiles…your perfect and I’m not.”

“That’s not fair Jackson, I’m your mate, that isn’t something you could just hide away from me—“

“Actually it is,” Jackson had a look on his face, complete misery, “you’re human, you might never feel the bond, and the only reason you think you feel it now is because of the heat, if it weren’t for it…you would never have felt it,”

“That’s not true,” said Stiles but he wasn’t sure. His emotions were his own nothing could change that…right? “I…I feel something for you Jackson I do…”

Jackson laughed and gave him a pained smile, as if trying to say that it was okay he didn’t love him, that it was okay none of it was real, “its been months and you’ve felt nothing…I don’t think you’re going to start now.” Jackson gave him that pained smile as his eyes filled with tears.

Jackson ran his thumb across Stiles face, rubbed his cheek bones, “you’re so beautiful,” said Jackson and smiled. He sighed, “Its okay Stiles, today’s the last day of the heat, tomorrow you can go back to hating me.”

“What! I—“

“Please! Just give me this moment, just let me enjoy this one thing and I promise I’ll leave you alone.” Jackson pulled Stiles tight against him and, remembering that he was still knotted inside the boy, concentrated on the feeling of his body, the incredible pleasure of mating, of filling Stiles with his come, because if he couldn’t have Stiles for the rest of his life he would at least have him for the day.

 

After an hour Jackson’s knot slowly deflated, but Jackson remained hard and fully inside Stiles. Stiles tried pulling away, as much as he enjoyed the peace he felt being held and filled by Jackson, he also wanted to go. After everything Jackson had said, about the heat and his emotions not being his own, he wanted to crawl into his bed and think, and reassess. Maybe he didn’t like Jackson…before, before the kanima, before he was a werewolf, before he got to know him. But he did now, he understood him more than he thought he could.

Jackson had other ideas though, he slowly pulled out of Stiles and, without warning, slammed back in. He tore a loud grunt from Stiles and followed his quick thrust with a slow roll of his hips. This is the pace he set, in and out, slow and steady. It was good, for a while, but soon Stiles found himself needing more, wanting more, he pushed back in an attempt to bring Jackson to him faster, harder. Jackson simply plunged into him deep and held him there, until Stiles stopped moving and then he would start again, in and out, and it was driving Stiles crazy.

“Please, Jackson, Jax, I need—I need more please,”

“Tell me what you need, I’ll give it to you, anything, tell me,”

“Faster Jax, please, harder make me come—make me yours—please, just,” Stiles groaned out loud as Jackson thrust his hips as hard as he could, his mate wanted to come, so Jackson would make it happen.

It ended far too soon for both of them, but Jackson had the pleasure of pushing his knot into Stiles, felt the muscled ring stretch and then pop over his knot and suck him in, and again they were stuck together, they were one body, one mind, they were mates…for now.

Stiles orgasm was mind blowing and exhausting, he was spent, literally his dick deflated onto his thigh as Jackson held him close. Stiles sighed and thought, if Jackson could make him feel like this everyday of his life…why would he fight it? Would it be so bad to let Jackson love him…no that wasn’t the problem, the problem was if Stiles could be so cruel to not love Jackson back.

 

After another hour, Jackson’s knot finally slipped out of Stiles and with it an obscene amount of come. Jackson stood and grabbed the shreds of Stiles’ shirt and used it to clean both of them off. The boy was sleeping and didn’t even stir, Jackson lifted him into his arms and cradled him for a bit, took in his scent one last time, there in the forest, the place he would always return to, to remember the one time he was truly happy.

He walked all the way back to Stiles’ house, ducked behind cars, fences, and trees, and finally made it there without being seen. He laid the boy down in his bed and wrapped him in his sheets before placing a kiss on his temple. He shut his eyes tight and allowed a few tears to spill out of the corners of his eyes.

It was all so unfair, Jackson had only ever wanted to be feel as if he mattered, to anyone, and always felt as if people saw him as something pathetic, something worthless, and so he tried hard to be the best he could, the strongest, the smartest, the best. Jackson didn’t care if it made him a bad person, because he always believed that he would find someone who would love him, all of him, no matter what a huge dick he was, that person would love him. And against all odds Jackson had found that person…and that person hated him, had wanted to kill him, and when he became a wolf had done everything to keep him out of the pack. Stiles had done all that, had wanted to kill him when he was the kanima, and when he was cured…tricked…by Lydia they took a vote to decided whether to let him into the pack…and Stiles had voted against him. If Peter hadn’t taken him under his wing Jackson would probably be strung up somewhere, ripped in half by some hunter’s sword. As luck would have it Derek was a jealous alpha and couldn’t stand knowing that his first beta was being raised by his uncle, that was the only reason he was in the pack. But even so Derek barely tolerated him, even when he did his best, tried his hardest, Derek seemed to hate him…

Jackson walked out of the house and looked at the sun, it was edging west faster than he had hoped, night was going to fall soon and he had one more night of heat to get through, Friday everything would go back to normal, and Jackson finally understood what a breaking heart felt like…

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late, my old computer died and I had to get a new one...and other excuses. Enjoy! (Also sorry for the formatting, this website hates me)

            It was Saturday night and Jackson was doing what he did everyday, he watched Stiles. The night sky was crystal clear and stars were dotted through out it in thick clouds of white, Jackson could see them better than he ever had in his life, and it never ceased to amaze him, but right now all he had eyes for was the boy inside his house, mulling at his desk as he did homework. Jackson sat in the wooded area outside the boy’s window; he wore a black leather jacket on top of a hoodie. He had the hood pulled over his face as he watched the boy do math problems. He leaned his head against the tree he was sitting in and allowed himself to feel calm being near his mate.

It was all so fucking strange for Jackson, one day Stiles had just been there, he hadn’t stood out, he just was, and then one day he was more, he was everything, Jackson’s whole world. Jackson had never hated Stiles before, in fact he kind of liked the boy, he reminded him of Danny sometimes. Jackson remembered seeing Scott and Stiles, fucking around, playing, Jackson had found it kind of endearing and maybe even cute, he and Danny used to be like that, before Jackson became obsessed with perfection, his own, before Jackson’s shortcomings started to haunt him in his waking world. Stiles always seemed to remind Jackson of a time in his life when he had just been happy and innocent.

            Then one day it all changed, Stiles had smelled so different and amazing and that smell alone melted his frozen heart, it tore and ripped its way inside and pushed everything out until all that was left behind was the smell, Stiles, his mate, nothing else. Jackson could see why someone like Scott would find it terrifying, finding your mate, the whole thing was overpowering, uncontrollable. But for Jackson, it was all completely liberating because for once in his life Jackson wouldn’t have to try hard, he wouldn’t have to be perfect, he just had to _be_ and that person would love him with the same burning passion Jackson would them. But it had been months and nothing had changed between them, until last night.

            Jackson sighed as Stiles left his room and went downstairs to his kitchen for a bottle of water. Ever since dying, Jackson had felt something inside him—a black hole, a void, some vast emptiness—Jackson understood what it was, it was death, his own personal one, waiting there, an open maw gaping wide in preparation to suck him into oblivion, Jackson’s own personal sword of Damocles. He didn’t mind it much, before all the supernatural weirdness the void had been there, but further back, less noticeable, but ever present. It was more of an annoyance before, but now it was something more, something large and punishing, Jackson actually had to work hard to keep it away, to keep himself alive, because on his worst days, sometimes, for a far longer time than Jackson wanted to talk about, Jackson wanted to die.

            But he had a reason to live now, he had a mate who needed him, who he had to protect and love because no one could do it as well as he could. That thought brought him more joy than anything in his life ever had, to find someone who made him want to live…he never thought it would happen. Jackson absentmindedly smiled as Stiles finished up his homework. There was a tree near Stiles’ house that rose high past the roof, it was thick and plush with leaves and Jackson always choose it for the view it gave him of the boy’s room.

Stiles finally packed all his books away and then locked his room door. This was always Jackson’s favorite part; he smiled and prepared for the show. Stiles pulled the shirt off over his head and then dropped his pants. He kicked all the clothes into a pile in the center of the room before throwing himself onto his bed. Jackson’s mouth started watering, Stiles ran his hands along his body, over his tout muscled torso and his smooth and hairless chest, before settling on the bulge in his boxers, he squeezed and Jackson swallowed. Stiles sat up and pulled his boxers down and off before lying back against his headboard and exploring his body.

From where Jackson sat he could see all the bruises that still adorned the boys body after their night in the woods, his hand prints, finger tips, mouth and teeth marks. Stiles circled each and every purple bruise as he stroked his slowly inflating cock. Jackson could clearly see the set of his teeth gouged deep into the boy’s neck, his mark, the others would finally know who Stiles really belonged to, it wasn’t Scott, it was never fucking Scott, it was Jackson, always and forever.

Jackson watched as Stiles stroked himself to hardness and hoped the boy thought of him as he lay panting on his bed. Jackson hoped Stiles was busy thinking of the night before, when Jackson had taken him as gently as he could, when Jackson had filled him and made love to him, drove his knot deep inside until they were both left panting and wanting. Stiles stroked himself and Jackson wondered if Stiles remembered how deep into his throat Jackson had taken him, how he laved and drooled all over Stiles dick and sucked as hard as he could.

The boy came with a soft whimper and cleaned himself off with a few tissue papers which he balled and threw into his garbage can before leaving his room for a shower. Jackson realized he’d been squeezing his own hardening flesh through his pants and stopped.

 

He waited a few hours, Stiles was usually slow to fall asleep but then impossible to awake. When Jackson was sure Stiles was asleep he jumped out of the tree and landed with a soft thump on the moist ground below. Jackson walked to the boy’s window and leaped up before smoothly landing right on the sill, he slowly bent over and into the boy’s room.

Jackson stood there for several minutes unsure of what to do with himself, from outside all he wanted to do was be near his mate and now that he was inside he felt as if he didn’t belong. The house was quite and warm, Jackson could hear the moans and groans of the wooden structure around him as it settled into the night. Stiles was breathing softly and if Jackson was quite he could hear the Sheriff in the other room sleeping as well. Jackson took a deep breath and felt himself melt, he didn’t belong, not yet, but he desperately wanted to.

He walked around the room in the dark and just looked and touched. He lifted a stack of books and read their spines, all fantasy and science fiction, Jackson tried memorizing them, he needed to read them now. Jackson looked at the piles of games next to the boy’s desk, some table top, most PC, and he was happy to note that they played the same ones. Jackson noticed the boy’s hoodie draped over the desk chair and picked it up and held it against his face.

‘ _Jesus’,_ thought Jackson, he was a fucking creeper. It almost made him laugh but his wolf really wanted to do that and Jackson had too. Sometimes Jackson couldn’t believe the things the wolf inside him wanted him to do, like when it thirst for the taste of blood and flesh and Jackson was either forced to go hunting in the night, and allow his human flesh to melt away until all that was left was the wolf, then he would run and sniff and hunt. It was either that or hit the meat counter at the grocery store and have himself a bloody rare steak. Sometimes the wolf would catch a whiff of its mate and it demanded Jackson hunt him down and take him for all to see. The wolf was wild and powerful and sometimes Jackson would forget he was human, sometimes all Jackson wanted to do was just go wild.

Stiles moved around on his bed as he settled on his side, facing away from Jackson and the wolf wanted to jump in the bed and burrow into the sheets before settling around his mate. Instead, Jackson knelled at the edge of the bed before placing his head on the mattress, he just stared at his mate as the boy slept. It was calm inside the house, quite, and dark. Jackson liked it, his house always felt empty and barren, but this one felt lived in and occupied. Sometimes Jackson didn’t really feel like he lived in his house, he only haunted it like a ghost who desperately wanted to move on, but Jackson knew that was the void talking. Stiles turned back around and Jackson held his breath. Stiles sighed and settled back into sleep and Jackson was able to fully appreciate the view of his mate.

Jackson couldn’t believe how beautiful the boy was. He wondered why he never saw it before but couldn’t stop seeing it now. It was the strange contrast of innocence and loneliness, of happiness and deep sadness. Those were things that made Stiles up and made him amazing, his ability to go through so much, to lose so much, and remain powerful and strong and innocent, Jackson didn’t know how he did it. He wanted to touch Stiles, to run his finger tips along his face, but he didn’t, he just sat there, on his knees, and just enjoyed that short moment of peace.

Stiles sneezed and wiped his face with his hand, Jackson froze, Stiles’ hand then settled on top of Jackson’s head before the boy returned to his deep slumber. Jackson’s eyes fluttered shut when Stiles started carding his fingers through Jackson’s hair. Jackson thought he should go, he knew he should, he couldn’t keep doing this, torturing himself with something he wanted so bad but refused to take. Stiles deserved someone who could make him shine brighter, who could make him happy and Jackson was too selfish and self-centered to do that. Stiles deserved someone like Danny, someone strong and reliable but also innocent in their own way. He wondered if what he did was right, if Stiles said he loved him would Jackson turn him away in order to protect him? No, he wouldn’t he was far too weak and selfish…but that would never happen.

Jackson just sat there and enjoyed the gentle way his mate touched him. Coming off a heat was hard, he felt spent, rung out, exhausted, and his body fucking ached, but nothing more than his dick, it was raw and painful, it was a pretty horrible feeling. But the night was relaxing, and it calmed his body, he felt at peace in that room, with Stiles. Jackson closed his eyes, only for a second.

It was the sun’s hot rays on his back that finally woke Jackson and he was out the window and down in woods before Stiles could wake. As he ran back to his house he realized that sometime during the night, as he slept, he’d decided that he would ask Stiles out on a date. Turns out he was more selfish than he even realized. But he would wait, as long as he could.

 

 

It’d been a week, an entire week and so far Stiles was okay. He didn’t feel any different, now that he wasn’t a virgin, he was still the same. No, the only difference came when he was alone, or distracted, and his mind went blank, the first thing that would pop in his head was Jackson and what hey had done and how it had made him feel. Stiles wished he’d found it disgusting, or repulsive, or even violent, but he hadn’t, he’d wanted it, so bad, and Jackson had given him what he needed and it had been perfect, and everything he’d imagined and then he woke up in his bed, alone.

He didn’t really have anyone to talk with, no one would understand, not really, Stiles didn’t think he could make them understand that some part of him had desperately wanted it, at least in that instant.

That was what bothered him the most, he didn’t know if it was just a one time feeling, like Jackson said, he didn’t know if he was in love, how does a person know that? Stiles couldn’t stand the thought that some supernatural force had taken away his free will, his ability to decided and had instead chosen for him. He fucking hated that, his life was his alone, every decision, good or bad, were his and no one else’s, and that included who he would spend the rest of his life with, which is why he avoided Jackson, or at least tried to, they did have all the same classes. What made it easier was Jackson, he actually kept his distance and didn’t try to confront Stiles about anything. But he was always there, watching him, and each time Stiles would catch him looking Jackson would smile shyly, sometimes he would even blush, and Stiles never knew how to react. He couldn’t deny how…adorable Jackson looked like that, smiling, sincerely, both expectant and afraid, that deep blush painting his pale skin, it made Stiles feel... _wanted._ He’d never felt that and liked it, but it was Jackson…

Stiles had even gone far enough to avoid Scott and Derek, he was covered in bruises that refused to fade, especially the bite mark on his neck, that was still bright and red and stung slightly, and Scott had even pointed out that he smelled different. Stiles didn’t want people to ask him what happened, they had no right, as much as it scared him, that moment in the woods between he and Jackson was something special, sacred even, and no one had that right to take that away from him.

There was also the fact that the town had fallen into a strange peace with an undercurrent of powerful tension that was waiting to snap everyone’s neck off. Isaac usually spent his time with Scott now, the two were annoyingly inseparable, and Erica and Boyd haven’t been around for several months, Jackson was pretty much Derek’s only beta now, Scott and Isaac were usually to busy being together to bother being with Derek, Jackson was probably the only one who wanted to be with Derek. The Alpha pack was still around but they hadn’t attacked or done anything so no one really knew whether they should be afraid or not…

 

Stiles was sitting at his desk finishing up some homework. It usually took him far longer than was probably normal, he always got distracted, always played around on his computer, or would get engrossed in some book until he realized he still had stuff left to do. Right now he was staring outside his window. The only thing the view offered him was the forest behind his house, it was all big trees and dead leaves and absolutely nothing else. There, in a tree pretty far off were twin glowing orbs, probably a bird, an owl maybe. Stiles sighed and closed his notebook, he wasn’t going to get much done, he wasn’t feeling it that night. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, he was tired. Most days Stiles felt as if he would suffocate with the amount of responsibility that was placed on him by the stupid supernatural creatures of the town, by his friends, his new family, but all that combined into a strange feeling of importance, Stiles liked feeling needed. But that was rare, once every few months, and not since Jackson was cured, everything had gone back to normal and suddenly Stiles wasn’t needed anymore, wasn’t important. Most days he felt like the last survivor of a dead earth surrounded by ghosts who tried to talk to him but which he was incapable of understanding, he just felt lonely...sometimes.

He flinched when he heard the loud sharp scream from outside, he tore open his window and down below, in the woods, somewhat far into the distance, he could hear the loud angry snarling of some animals. Every few second he would hear a loud animal roar of pain, or some sad pathetic yip. When the sounds morphed, when they turned to something more horrifying, to something not quite human, not quite, but still human none the less, he called Derek. The alpha didn’t answer, it rang three times before going to voice mail.

He called Scott and waited through five rings before the boy picked up, “Scott there’s something outside my house, I think it’s a werewolf,”

“Well hi to you too Stiles…sheesh,”

“Scott I’m fucking serious, there something,” at the moment he heard a piercing roar that ended in a wet gurgle.

“Stiles…what was that,”

“I don’t fucking know just get over here,”

“I can’t…”

“What the—what do you mean you can’t !?!”

“I’m not in town, me and Isaac wanted to go hunting—“

“You don’t even like hunting, you think it’s a disgusting animal urge that you as a human are better than.”

“Well Isaac wanted to try it, he says Derek won’t take him.”

“Maybe there’s—“ The loud howl was followed by another loud shrill, that was a women, there was no denying it, but her scream was ended short, it echoed there, in the air and Stiles didn’t know what to do. He waited and could still hear something struggling in the woods far from his house, it all seemed to echo right through his open window. He noticed lights going on in other houses and hung up the phone. Scott was fucking useless, how could he leave him behind, asshole. Finally it all ended, the sounds stopped, the animals began to make their nocturnal noises again, and Stiles, with nothing else to do, and with everything seemingly safe, went to bed.

The next day at school was strange, without Scott, Stiles was left to spend all his time by himself. He never realized how lonely he was without the other boy, he thought he had more friends than that, it was sad to realize that all his new friends weren’t actually _his_ friends, but Scott’s.

For the first time in a long time Stiles didn’t want to be in school, he felt strange, his skin was too tight, there were too many people, he wished Scott was there. That’s when he noticed the other boy in his life, Jackson. He was walking behind him, they were both heading to class. Stiles turned to look at the new wolf and was shocked at what he saw, Jackson looked like shit, his skin was covered in deep purple blotches, he had a large already fading black eye, and on his neck and around his arms he had cuts and gashes.

“Dude what happened to you,”

“I,” Jackson scoffed, “well I was in fight.”

“God…are you okay…”

Jackson smiled, “Yeah I’m alright, you should have seen the other guys.”

Before they reached their classroom Jackson grabbed Stiles’ arm and pulled him aside. “Hey…I know that your not talking to me or something,” Jackson seemed embarrassed to mention the strange thing between them but it didn’t stop him, “but do you maybe want to like go somewhere…I can tell you don’t want to be here…”

Stiles thought about it, he really wanted to leave, he had been totally off the past couple days, he didn’t feel like himself, maybe some rest would do him some good.

“Okay, let’s go.”

 

It was how they ended up driving down the highway in Jackson’s Porsche, the sun was hot and as Jackson drove south it seemed to get hotter. Stiles didn’t know where the other boy was taking him, but he wasn’t worried. He knew that Jackson would never hurt him…

They ended up at a rocky beach. Tall cliffs rose around them as Jackson led the way down a small path to the sandy beach below. There were few people dotted across the long expanse which gave Stiles and Jackson the illusion of privacy. They sat down on a sand bluff and watched the waves for far longer than Stiles even realized. He felt himself dozing and was brought out of his stupor when a ball landed near his face. He opened his eyes and brushed the sleep out of them before tossing the ball back to the family sitting near by. Jackson had draped the flannel and hoodie he was wearing over him and was currently swimming laps in the ocean. Stiles watched him cut through the water like a fish and wondered why Jackson never became a dolphin, maybe the kanima actually swam, maybe it wasn’t a lizard but a sea monster…

Jackson rose out of the water like Poseidon returning to land, that’s what he looked like to Stiles in that instant, a god coming home. He blinked and tried hard to clear his mind, he almost succeeded, almost, but Jackson was walking towards him with that shy smile on his face and Stiles couldn’t help smiling back. Jackson’s bruises seemed to have faded away to the point that only the thin small lines of scratches and cuts were left. Jackson fell on the sand next to Stiles and turned to face the ocean, they laid side by side quietly, not speaking, neither knew what to say, neither knew whether or not to broach the subject that both of them were avoiding.

“I…I’m sorry you know? I never meant to hurt you,” Jackson turned away, “I just…its okay if you hate me, its okay if you don’t like me…but maybe…maybe we can try, I—I don’t really think you know me…” Jackson just shook his head and stopped talking. He played with the sand underneath his hands while he tried to compose himself, to try and finish what he was trying to say, Stiles let him. “I can change, if that’s what you want me to do. I can be a better person, I know I can, you just have to give me some time to prove myself—“  
            “Jackson stop! I…I don’t think I can do this…I…It scares me.”

“I know…It’s okay.”

They left after that, Jackson dropped Stiles off at his house before going to do whatever werewolf Jackson did, Stiles assumed it wasn’t the same thing as old jock Jackson. Stiles knew that Jackson had changed, the kanima had removed most of his anger and fear, but what it left behind was all the self hatred and pride. Stiles thought the pride was good, it was what made Jackson want to be a better person and it gave him the drive to do it, but the hate seemed to morph that drive into something horribly self-destructive. It was why Stiles said no, he didn’t want Jackson to change for him, he didn’t want Jackson to change…

Jackson watched from his tree and could see Stiles sitting alone in his room, he wished he could be there for him, he wished Stiles would just let him be there for him. Jackson heard a twig snap below him. He fucking hated them, he’d told Derek and the man had done nothing about it. Those fucking Alpha fucks always came here, Jackson had told them to stay away, he’d warned them. But they said that the weakest member of the pack always gets taken out first, apparently that meant Stiles. They’d only attacked once before then, when they first came to town, Jackson thought maybe that would be the end of it. But this was the second time in one week that they appeared at Stiles’ house. Jackson didn’t know if they wanted the boy or his dad, what he did know was that he was the only one protecting them, Derek didn’t believe Jackson, and Scott thought Stiles could handle himself, they were both idiots. Jackson launched himself out of the tree and landed on the back of one of the alphas and twisted the mans neck until it snapped, he leaped off that person to the next and the one after that. It only took a few seconds, now they were dead.

“Wow, that was impressive.” Jackson turned and crouched low to the ground as a rolling growl passed over his fangs, in the distance he could see someone, he looked like he was Derek’s age, but without the gloomy air of testosterone. He clapped as he walked towards Jackson, “I’ve never seen a beta take out so many alphas, in like five seconds, and my don’t you have the prettiest little eyes I ever did see…Anyways, I thought I’d let you know that we won’t be coming her anymore. We wanted to know how important the human was to your pack and as it turns out he’s just your bitch, I should have known, he reeks of bitch, you know the smell, overly sweet, like a hooker’s perfume. He must love being fucked by you, big bad wolf that you are. Anyways we’re turning our focus to the girl now.”

“Why do you care, they’re only human, just leave us all alone. We haven’t done anything.” Jackson wanted them gone, all of them, this was _his_ town, _his_ territory, no one could take it away from him.

“We…don’t want to hurt you or your pack or even ‘steal’ this territory away from you…we’re looking for something, someone, someonessss. But if you and your pack get in our way we will kill you and everyone you love, that includes your mate over there and his dad, it includes your little Hawaiian friend and everyone he knows. I’ve tolerated you killing all those alphas I sent here, if they were so easily taken out by one beta they deserved to die, but if you start getting—“

“Fuck you, you can monologue all you want I don’t care why you’re here or what you want I want you out! And if you do anything to hurt the people I love I will come down on your head with all the fury I have, and believe me, I have fury to spare,” Jackson eyes were glowing that bright neon blue as he clenched his claws and licked his fangs. He could take them, all of them, none of them would lay a finger on his mate, never.

The man didn’t speak he kicked the ground beneath his feet before turning and walking away. When he climbed to the top of a hill he turned and waved to Jackson and leaped into the air, he landed as a wolf, a giant grey one, he melted into the woods and disappeared from sight, Jackson sighed. He needed to talk to Derek this had gone too far but more than anything he needed to check on Stiles. He ran through the woods as fast as he could before he finally reached the house, he jumped straight up to Stiles window and landed on the boy’s sill. Stiles squealed as he struggle out of the shirt he was pulling over his head.

Jackson walked past the boy and opened his room door to look out into the hall. No one was there, he sniffed the air and found only known scents, he listened and could only hear Stiles’ beating heart and forced breath as he tried to get his shirt off, or maybe back on Jackson couldn’t tell. When Jackson was sure everything was okay he turned to Stiles and helped him out of his shirt.

“What the fuck—Jackson! Jesus, you scared the shit out of me, what are you doing here, what’s your problem you can’t just—“

“I know I just had to make sure you were okay.”

 

Stiles took a step back and looked at Jackson, he looked fine, except for the thin white scars that decorated his arms and deep raised flesh of the scars on his neck, but those had been there before. What hadn’t, was that look of fear on Jackson’s face, the wolf suddenly pulled Stiles against him, buried his face into the boys neck and let out a shaky sigh.

“I thought maybe they’d done something to you, I thought I’d failed.” Jackson was shaking, surprise and adrenaline had carried him through the short fight with those alphas, but that was gone, he finally just let the fear of what just happened course through his veins like an injection of ice water. He needed to protect his mate, without him Jackson would die, the void would win, it would open up and swallow Jackson whole.

“Hey it’s okay…” Stiles patted Jackson’s back as the wolf held him close and trembled. He had no idea what had happened but Jackson was scared, terrified, and for some reason he had come here, to Stiles, right when the boy had decided he would rub one off. Stiles finally pushed Jackson away and the wolf reluctantly let him.

“Okay, tell me what this is about…but first let me put my shirt back on.” Before Stiles could move towards his drawers, he felt Jackson’s hand wrap around his wrist, he was suddenly thrown onto his bed. Stiles landed and pulled himself onto his elbows just in time to see Jackson as he leaped on top of him. Jackson pushed him down with a quick jab from his hand, the bitten wolf toward over him and released a long rolling growl from between his fanged teeth, his eyes shown electric blue and Stiles was stunned silent. Jackson buried his face into the boy’s stomach and rubbed his face across the smooth expanse; he sniffed and licked, and took small pinches of flesh between his teeth and tasted. Stiles tried pushing him away but Jackson just grabbed his hands and held them away, the wolf began planting kiss up the boy’s stomach, across his abs, past his belly button, onto the space between his pecs, up the side of Stiles neck, before planting a close mouth kiss on Stiles’ mouth.

“I swear I won’t let them hurt you, I’ll die before I let anything happen to you or your father, I promise.” Jackson kissed Stiles one more time, a deeper one, Stiles found himself opening his mouth and wrapping his arms around Jackson’s neck, he didn’t know what made him do it, it just felt right. Jackson gently pushed him back down against the bed before following his trail back downwards until he reached the hem of Stiles jeans. He unbuckled the pants and lowered the zipper before grabbing them, and Stiles’ underwear, and pulling them both off with one swift motion.

Stiles was hard, he couldn’t remember when it happened, but he was, his dick stretched upwards and pointed at his belly button, a thin stream of pre-come glazed the tip and slowly flowed down onto his stomach. Jackson took some time to examine the hard flesh closely, he wasn’t able to before, but he could now. He stroked Stiles from base to tip, pulled all the flesh upwards until it stretched over Stiles tip like a thick foreskin before stroking downwards and pulling the flesh tight. Jackson hadn’t realized before but Stiles was cut, circumcised, Jackson wasn’t, he liked the way Stiles looked better, but he might just be a little biased. He smiled and licked the tip of Stiles’ dick and tasted the sweet liquid that was beading there. Jackson licked Stiles from the base of his dick all the way to the tip, he looked up at Stiles who was leaning backwards against his headrest, the boy had sheets fisted in his hands, his eyes were closed tight and his mouth was hanging open, when Jackson licked the slit and sucked up the beads of pre-come which were forming there, Stiles would bite his lip in an attempt to keep himself from moaning. Jackson smiled, he would get Stiles to moan, he knew it.

Stiles breath was hard as he felt Jackson lick him, Jackson took each of his balls in his mouth and sucked them and massaged the with his teeth, soaked them in his saliva. The wolf lifted the smooth sac and buried his nose in the space beneath it, he stretched his tongue into the tight cleft and licked, Stiles had to bite his lip hard, Jackson had almost reached his hole and the feeling was amazing. Jackson licked his way back up to the tip of Stiles’ dick before taking him down his throat. Stiles did moan this time, long and loud, he could feel the muscles in Jackson throat work around his dick, they massaged and pulled on his flesh as Jackson swallowed. There weren’t words, at least not for Stiles, he just moaned in a way he knew made him sound like the biggest slut in town, if he bit his lips any harder he knew he would draw blood.

Jackson just closed his eyes and went to town, he sucked, and bobbed his head up and down, he grasped Stiles’ sack in his hand and pulled the flesh down tight, he did all to make Stiles feel good. Jackson loved sucking Stiles, the boy made the best noises he’d ever heard and would respond with such enthusiasm it made Jackson proud, knowing that he was making Stiles feel better than the boy ever had in his life, it made Jackson hard and his dick strained against his jeans.

Jackson pulled out his lucky tube of lube, he’d had it in his pocket ever since that night in the woods, all in the hope that maybe just maybe Stiles might…He poured the slick liquid on his fingers and dragged them below Stiles’ balls and drove them into the dark cleft until he felt the tight opening. Jackson sucked harder and deeper, he took Stiles deep into his throat at the same time as he plunged his finger into Stiles. The boy moaned low and deep and Jackson couldn’t help the growl that was pulled out of his chest, the vibrations made Stiles moan louder.

Jackson pulled off Stiles dick long enough to lose his shirt, he sunk back down onto Stiles, as he fingered and sucked the boy. He toed off his shoes and could distantly hear them falling on the floor, Jackson unbuckled his pants and pushed them, and his underwear, down onto his thighs. With some struggle he was finally able to take his pants off until he was as naked as Stiles. Jackson allowed the boys hard flesh to literally pop out of his mouth. He slowly climbed up Stiles until they were face to face. Stiles’ eyes were still screwed shut, his cheeks were burning bright red, his mouth was hanging open and fasts puffs of breath escaped past his lips. He opened his eyes and looked right at Jackson, the wolf stretched forward and kissed Stiles who could feel Jackson’s hard dick sitting heavily on his stomach. Jackson reached back and began stroking Stiles, he grabbed him by the base and stroked all the way to the tip, the entire time Jackson kissed Stiles, the boy wrapped his arms around Jackson neck and kissed him back. Stiles felt as Jackson gripped him and then felt the tip of his dick press against…something. Jackson stretched backwards and Stiles felt—he thought, but it couldn’t be—until he felt it give, and suddenly his dick was surrounded by searing hot flesh and velvety smoothness. He _moaned._

Stiles never thought in a million years that he would one day find himself buried inside Jackson. Stiles thought that Jackson was fingering him to prepare him to get fucked, Stiles hadn’t noticed that Jackson had been finger himself. Stiles opened his eyes, shocked, and looked right into Jackson’s. The wolf only smiled though as he slowly rocked his hips, Stiles couldn’t help the whining noise he made, but he didn’t close his eyes, he stared right into Jackson’s and Jackson rocked, up and down, in and out. Stiles’ hips slowly started rocking as well. Jackson bounced and Stiles stretched his hands out and ran them along Jackson’s perfect body, along the sharp bones of his hips, the muscled rounds of his abs, and his hard chiseled chest. They were both sweating and panting and Stiles was moaning, and god, he knew he sound like a bitch in heat, he wondered how Jackson could keep so quite. But Jackson wasn’t quite, he was growling deep and monotone, his skin was flushed pink and he could feel himself going faster and faster.

Soon the slap of Stiles hips meeting Jackson’s round ass echoed through his room. Jackson was bouncing fast up and down and Stiles was meeting him half way. Stiles need, he needed, something—he reached out and wrapped his arms around Jackson and brought him into a searing hot kiss, all spit and teeth, and before he even knew it he came, and so did Jackson, right across Stiles stomach up to his chest. Stiles leaned back in took in his view, Jackson flushed red and hair mussed, his dick and the mound of flesh at its base, swollen but not completely, ‘so that’s the knot,’ thought Stiles and reached out to grasp it. That tore a moan from Jackson, the wolf’s thighs were quivering but he didn’t move. He stayed with Stiles buried deep inside him until Stiles grew soft and slipped out.

Within that time Stiles felt a deep sleep coming over him. He felt as Jackson lifted off of him, felt Jackson’s hands on his hips as the wolf rolled him onto his stomach, and the next thing he felt was Jackson hot wet tongue as it licked a strip right up his ass, and suddenly he wasn’t sleepy. Jackson licked and spit and dove his tongue deep into Stiles and all the boy could do was clutch his sheets in a death grip. Jackson wasn’t shy about, he didn’t treat it as something disgusting he had to do to bring his partner pleasure, no Jackson dove in like a man starved.

            Stiles wasn’t sure how long Jackson rimmed him for, he didn’t know if it was five minutes or even an hour, probably somewhere in between. All Stiles did know was that he was hard again, achingly so, and he really need more than a warm tongue to take him over the edge.

            As if sensing Stiles’ need, Jackson began sliding up the boy’s back until he was able to bury his head into the side of Stiles’ neck. He grabbed Stiles’ hands and gripped them tight before wrapping both their arms around Stiles’ body.

            “You ready,” whispered Jackson into Stiles’ ear and the only thing the boy could do was nod vigorously. Jackson slide his dick along Stiles’ crack a few times, the cleft was covered in spit and lube that thickly coated Jackson. Finally, Jackson lined himself up and fluidly pushed into the boy. Stiles moaned, _‘god’,_ and Jackson growled loud and right in his ear, and it should not have turned Stiles on as much as it did. Stiles felt the growl vibrate in Jackson’s chest and through both their bodies, and Jackson fucked him.

            The pace was slowly and the thrusts were deep, Stiles realized he was whining, he just held on and let Jackson do what he apparently did best. Again, the sounds of slapping flesh reverberated through the room and Stiles hoped his dad wasn’t home, he couldn’t remember. Jackson licked the side of Stiles’ face before sinking his teeth deep into the boy’s neck, right over the old teeth marks, his mark, his mate, _his all his._

Jackson increased his pace and the power of his thrusts, the headboard banged against the wall behind it and Stiles was moaning loud, he squeezed Jackson’s hands hard, it was all he could do as Jackson fucked him hard. Stiles just wanted to stroke himself, he knew if he touched his dick he would come harder than ever had, but Jackson held his hands just as tight as Stiles held Jackson’s. Finally, Stiles felt the swelling of Jackson knot, felt as it pushed past his ring and then engorge to fullness, and all Stiles could see where the white lights that flashed in front of his eyes as he came. Stiles swears Jackson was howling as he signaled his own orgasm, but that could have just as easily had been the blood rushing in his ears. Stiles closed his eyes.

           

            When he opened them again he was on his side, Jackson had his arms wrapped around him. Stiles tried pulling away but Jackson stopped him, “We’re…we’re still…attached. I’m…I’m still knotted in you.”

            “Oh,” said Stiles and settled back down into the space he occupied in Jackson’s arms. The wolf ran his finger tip’s across his face and planted small chaste kisses on his face and neck.

“Close your eyes, sleep some more, I don’t know when it’s going to pass,” and Stiles did just that. As he drifted away he heard Jackson whispering in his ear—I love you, will always love you, so much, I will protect you, be the perfect boyfriend, I’ll change, be a better person, make you so proud, keep you safe, I’ll die for you, without you, I love you.

 

Stiles slowly awoke much later. It was pitch black in his room, the only light was coming through the window from the pale yellow street light outside, and the warm blue glow of his computer he never had the time to turn off. Stiles thought he would wake up alone again, but he wasn’t, his head was pillowed on Jackson bare chest and the wolf’s arms were wrapped tight around his body. Stiles’ own arms were wrapped around Jackson torso and Stiles knew he wouldn’t be able to get them out from under the wolf without waking him, so he didn’t remove them. Stiles knew there were two things he could do at that moment—he could either wake Jackson up and ask him to leave and freak the fuck out about what was happening, or he could just lay his head back down onto Jackson’s chest and just accept whatever was happening between he and Jackson—Stiles closed his eyes and slept. And for the first time in a long time he didn’t dream, Stiles didn’t have to create new worlds in his head, perfect worlds where he was happy, he didn’t have to because for the first time in a long time he was, happy. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone who's reading, really appreciate it, hope you like it so far. Also have to apologize for the formatting, this website, it doesnt like me very much.

               Stiles was warm but not hot, he could feel a cool breeze blow in through his window and the soft rustle of his curtains as they wafted lightly around. His limbs were heavy from sleep and Stiles knew he couldn’t move them even if he wanted to. In some strange way, under his sleep induced haze, Stiles realized he was happy. He tried opening his eyes but couldn’t muster up enough force of will, so he kept them closed. He could distantly hear the loud hum of his computer and the sounds of morning traffic outside his window. He rubbed his face against the smooth flesh beneath him and sighed. He thought about getting up but then there was a hand sliding up his back all the way to his head, it began rubbing small circles over his head, Stiles could even hear the sound of the lightly callused hand move over his short cropped hair, and soon, with that delicate touch, Stiles fell asleep.

 

 

“Stiles,” broke a voice into his sleeping mind and pushed him back into the waking world.

               “What,”

               “I’m going to work now,” Stiles knew that voice…his dad, Stiles sighed. He just grumbled back his reply and heard his father’s deep laugh through his door. “Well it’s ten o’clock now…”

               “Shit!” Said Stiles as he tried to pull himself out of bed, he was absurdly late for school.

               “It’s okay, it’s Saturday, no school.” The Sheriff laughed when he heard his son’s angry groan. Stiles closed his eyes and pulled the sheets back over his body and wondered why his dad had decided to be cruel to him so early in the morning…early for him anyways. He sighed and tried to ignore the birds chirping outside his window, and the still on hum of his computer, and the quite grunts coming from beside his bed.

               ‘ _Jackson!’_  Was the thing that finally shocked him awake, Stiles opened his eyes and took in his room in the yellow glow of the late morning. He heard that soft grunt again and looked over the edge of his bed, there on the floor was Jackson, he was doing push-ups, a lot of them. Stiles sighed and waited, he watched as the boy rose from the ground and then lowered himself down until his chest brushed the carpet beneath. Stiles counted to one hundred before he coughed, his own arms burned just from watching the other boy.

               Jackson leaped of the floor and shook his arms, he wasn’t wearing any clothes—they were rolled up with the sheets on the bed and Jackson hadn’t been able to disentangle them—Stiles didn’t turn away from the naked flesh in front of him, but his face did burn red, he couldn’t deny that Jackson was…well…mouthwatering hot. _Hot._ He was covered in sweat and his long hair was pasted to his head, Stiles absorbed the view, every muscle and curve, as it glistened in the morning light. Jackson noticed him looking and then shyly covered himself with both his hands, but realized how stupid that was, they’d already had sex after all, and so he just stood there blushing. Stiles swallowed the saliva that filled his mouth before saying, “Good morning.”

               Jackson smiled and fell on the bed on top of Stiles, he left a trail of kisses from the boy’s stomach up to his lips, and kissed the boy deep and long. Stiles slid his hands up Jackson’s sweat soaked back and buried them in the wolf’s hair. They made out, it was a simple meeting of lips and tongue, they were content with sharing this simple intimate moment.

Jackson loved catching Stiles’ bottom lip between his teeth, he loved licking the pain away and the quite inhale of breaths he could hear coming from his mate. Stiles liked pushing Jackson down, he liked that the wolf let him dominate, he liked it when Jackson would growl low and deep and the way the vibrations travelled his body, but most of all Stiles liked the sense of peace and safety that Jackson seemed to carry with him.

               They showered together and Jackson pressed Stiles hard against the cold tile wall and kissed his breath away, sunk his hand down the boy’s body until he gripped the boys thickening flesh and jerked him off until he was hard and twitching. Jackson fell to his knees and worshipped the boy, took Stiles’ dick deep into his throat and swallowed, and Stiles moaned and writhed and panted hard in the hot steam of the shower before he came into the wolfs mouth, and distantly in his mind Stiles wished he could do the same to Jackson...later.

               Jackson rubbed a bar of soap over the boy’s body; Stiles came down from his orgasm with the feel of Jackson’s slippery hands sliding down his chest, over his abs, until they finally gripped his still sensitive dick and left it squeaky clean. Jackson soaped up his back and the crack of his ass before lining his dick up with the two firm rounds and thrusting. Jackson slid his dick up and down that smooth crevice, soap slicked, and came with a barely audible groan not much later.

               They finished showering, for real, and came out smelling like lavender soap and Head and Shoulders. “Hey Stiles, do you have some underwear I can borrow…and a shirt,” asked Jackson as he dried off. Stiles left the bathroom and returned with a pair of boxer briefs with small skulls printed throughout it and a shirt with first generation Pokémon printed across it. Jackson’s clothes were covered in too many bodily fluids to wear, only his pants survived what Stiles would later come to call ‘the ravaging’. Jackson happily pulled the clothes on and never planned on returning them.

               “So,” started Jackson as he dressed, “what are we doing today?” He smiled wide, but his eyes gave away the hurt he expected, Stiles smiled back.

               “Well I still have homework I need to finish…I guess you could always stay and wait till I finish then we could do whatever.” Stiles didn’t think Jackson would want to stay, Jackson did.

               While Stiles finished writing a paper while Jackson busied himself cleaning the room. He took the sheets off the bed and dumped them in the washing machine in the basement with his own dirty clothes before pouring in a liberal stream of detergent and turning the machine on.

Stiles typed away while Jackson opened his closet, all his drawers, and then took every piece of clothes he had, even the ones in his dirty clothes hamper, and threw it all into the center of the room until they formed a giant mound, Jackson then jumped right in on top of it. Stiles’ typing slowed as he watched Jackson roll around in his clothes, the wolf grabbed giant piles of them and threw them on top of himself before rolling around and around. Jackson rubbed his face against the clothes that were near his head, really he rubbed himself against all the clothes. The wolf kept doing this until all of Stiles’ clothes were a jumbled mess and Jackson was buried thoroughly beneath it.

               “Having fun?” Asked Stiles and watched as Jackson’s head popped out over a mound of clothes and shook up and down like a small child. And Jackson wasn’t kidding, he loved rolling around in Stiles clothes, he loved that it smelled like his mate, and the way it calmed his wolf and made it feel safe and loved, Jackson liked the idea that soon Stiles would smell like him and everyone would know it…or at least all the other wolfs would. Stiles kept typing with a grin on his face, Jackson was a weirdo…but at least he was a cute one.

               Stiles finished his paper in three hours, he couldn’t believe it considering it usually took him a whole week to finish some of his homework, he usually couldn’t focus enough, but Jackson was waiting for him and Stiles had wanted to finish quickly. ‘ _Speaking of which’,_ Stiles turned and looked at the nest Jackson had made himself. Stiles got off his chair and began digging through the pile until he found Jackson, he was fast asleep and snoring lightly. Stiles shook the wolf slowly and watched him ease out of sleep, it was kind of sad seeing Jackson slack and peaceful face, so beautiful and innocent, and the frown that instantly appeared as the wolf tried to wake, Jackson blinked a few times before smiling up at Stiles.

Jackson really did look happy once he was awake though, he seemed alive in a way he hadn’t in a long long time. Jackson suddenly pulled Stiles into the pile and kissed him shyly before getting bolder—more liberal use of tongue and teeth—Stiles didn’t mind. They rolled around for a while until both of them were buried beneath clothes. As Stiles lay in the pile on top of Jackson, head pillowed on the wolf’s chest, he realized that the pile was more comfortable than he thought, and maybe, he could probably fall asleep, but first…

“Jackson, I think it’s time we talked, for real.”

Jackson sighed where he lay but didn’t disagree, “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

“If we’re going to make this work…then I want to know you better.”

“You’re not…you want to be with me?”

Stiles couldn’t help his huff of laughter; sometimes Jackson’s insecurities had a way of making him sound so childlike, innocent. “Dude, we’ve had sex like, a lot, so whatever I might say or feel there’s already something between us and I kind of want to see where it goes and maybe I’ve already invested more in this budding relationship than I should have and I know there’s a lot of history between us and I know we both have a shit ton of baggage  but I think I’ve been in love with you for a while and I hadn’t even realized it or at least I am now but it’s kind of confusing and hard and, and—“ Jackson shut Stiles up with another kiss and waited for the boy to catch his breath, the wolf basked in the knowledge that Stiles loved him, he said he fucking loved him and Jackson was so happy, he never knew he could feel _so much_ from just hearing a few words. His wolf wanted to howl, _Jackson_ wanted to howl, and so he did, he lifted his head and announced his joy. Stiles watched him with wide eyes and Jackson just started laughing, he flipped Stiles over onto his back and kissed him over and over. Stiles couldn’t help but smile, Jackson’s cheer was infectious.

 

 

 

Later, they lay naked in the pile of what had once been Stiles’ clean clothes but now weren’t. Jackson was knotted inside Stiles and was currently rubbing his face across the back of Stiles’ head. It sent tingles through the boy’s body and made him want to laugh. As they lay there Jackson talked.

“I was playing one day…in my dad’s office. I was pretending to be a pirate, a policeman, then a lawyer even though I didn’t really know what a lawyer did. I was six, and I remember my mom was at a friend’s house helping her plan a wedding and my dad was driving home from LA. The nanny at the time was downstairs cooking dinner. I opened all of my dad’s drawers and pulled all the papers out and pretended to talk to some imaginary judge about some imaginary case. Back then I didn’t really have friends, I mean Danny was around but he,” Jackson smiled fondly, “well he didn’t really like hanging out with me back then…I guess he only does it now out of pity…I always played with by myself until Danny’s best friend moved away…Anyways, for some reason I started digging through a filing cabinet that was in the room. I remember that thing always scared me, I always thought it would fall on me on day and I would die, and no one would find me,” Jackson shook his head to dislodge that childhood fear, “I found it then, it was in an unmarked file…they were my adoption papers. I couldn’t really read back then but I could recognize my own name and I…I remember that’s where my parents found me...the look on their faces...” Jackson didn’t speak for a while, Stiles held his breath.

“They told me that sometimes parents couldn’t take care of their kids, for a lot of reasons, and so…they gave them away…their kids…just like that. I could never really believe that parents could do that—and it was hard thinking that I wasn’t there’s, that’s what they said, that they weren’t my parents and I had no idea what that meant…and growing up I thought it was normal…for parents to just give their kids away. I always thought—and I tried so hard to be a good kid, to be the best. My parents always thought I was trying to impress my birth parents but I don’t know them, they couldn’t see that I was desperately trying to impress _them_. They could never see that I tried so hard to make them proud, to make them feel like they chose the right child and I constantly feared that they’d realized their mistake and…give me away, because that’s what parent did.” Jackson swallowed the saliva that pooled in his mouth and tried to steel his fraying nerves.

The wolf let out a shaky breathe onto the back of Stiles’ neck and continued, “As I grew up I realized that that wasn’t how it worked…but you know…the damage was done,” Jackson moved his hand as if to say it was normal, “Then Lydia came around and she was so good at making me do what she wanted.” Jackson laughed then, cold and humorlessly, “I never realized until now how much I changed myself, just so she would like me, so she would look at me, so I could make her happy, and I did…for a while. After the kanima thing, she was gone, and I was alone, and I had no idea who I was anymore, I don’t know if you know what it’s like to change so much you no longer know who you are…” Jackson let out a shaky breath and continued, “I guess at the end of the day it always goes back to the fact that I’m selfish…except it’s worse than that it’s almost sinful, it’s like objectivism at its worst…It was because I was selfish that people died, it was because I was selfish that Matt and Gerard did those _things_ to me…I’m just tired of being a bad person, I’m too tired to be perfect, I just can’t keep trying…I wanted the bite because I tried _so_ hard, I always had to watch as it was all slowly taken away from me and I couldn’t stand it—the bite was supposed to make it easy, supposed to make me _better_ inside and out and all it did was turn me into some monster…All it did was make me into the monster I already was. I had to be perfect because if I wasn’t—it’s so stupid—I always thought that they were just waiting for a reason, one slip up and I would be off to god knows where—but sometimes I wish the bite had killed me.” Jackson laughed again, a sound filled with pain, “and then I did—die—twice. I remember going home after wards. When I unlocked the front door and walked into the kitchen, my parents were there and when my mom saw me she burst into tears, she hugged me _so tight_ , and my dad was there and he kept saying ‘ _My son, my son’_ and we all hugged and I cried…but things have been better since that day, I finally understand that they love me, they’re my parents, _my parents_ …”

Jackson couldn’t talk anymore, he’d spilled his guts, the little he had, and couldn’t keep going, he just couldn’t, Stiles would just have to wait and be patient with him. Jackson closed his eyes and let a few stray tears spill down his face, the wolf comforted himself by rubbing his face against the back of Stiles’ head and the boy could only keep his own tears in and let Jackson calm down.

Stiles had asked for this, he’d wanted to know Jackson better and now he did and he kind of wished he didn’t, because he had no clue how to handle someone else’s baggage, he couldn’t even handle his own.

 

 

They spent the rest of the day playing games in Stiles’ kitchen. Stiles was a fan of Magic The Gathering and spent an hour trying to explain the rules to Jackson before setting up a place on his dining table and splitting his cards into two decks. Jackson won the first two games which led Stiles to believe that he was cheating, Jackson swore he wasn’t. It took another few games for Stiles to realize that Jackson understood the game better than he let on. They switched to Uno then a game of Trivial Pursuit, before switching to console games. Jackson ordered a pizza while they played some Marvel V.S. Capcom. Again, Jackson was suspiciously good at the game and beat Stiles several times. They ate pizza while watching television and as they spent time together the sun slowly followed its path west until it dipped underneath the ocean and the day darkened accordingly.

They fell asleep on the couch, Jackson on top of Stiles in an attempt to seek out comfort from his mate after his too long confession. Jackson listened to Stiles’ heartbeat as his mate slept and wondered what the boy was thinking. Did he really want to be with Jackson or was Stiles just saying that because he felt sorry for him? Jackson wished he cared. Instead he sighed and Stiles snored lightly and Jackson closed his eyes and slept.

 

 

On Sunday Jackson wanted to take Stiles out, but Stiles didn’t really want to go, he still remembered the strange noises he heard outside his house and the fact that Jackson had showed up in his room terrified out of his mind and he was kind of scared to go out…but mostly Stiles just didn’t want people to see him, see them, they were still new right? Like brand new and he didn’t want to jinx it... Also, somewhere in his mind Stiles knew he wasn’t ready for that, for people to know he was…gay…with Jackson. Stiles didn’t know how Danny did it, he just needed some time, at least that’s what he told himself. But Jackson insisted and Stiles didn’t really know why he was so worried, so he said yes.

Jackson left Stiles’ house and told him he’d return later in the day, sometime after noon, to pick him up. Jackson drove home in a hurry, he was excited, this was the first date he’d been on in a long time and he was surprisingly nervous. Jackson shoved all the things he could think of into a back pack and then went into his kitchen and opened the fridge.

An hour later he had four amazing grilled chicken and mozzarella Panini’s all wrapped in wax paper inside a picnic basket. He shoved two towels and a blanket inside the basket before packing it all into his car. He went back into his house and took a quick shower.

 As he dried his hair he thought about the whole situation, he felt giddy and happy, nervous as hell, and kind of scared and he wanted to tell someone. He texted Danny, he didn’t say much just that he was going on his first date since he’d been dumped by Lydia, he smiled while he wrote the text and couldn’t wait to see how the day went so he had something to tell Danny. Jackson realized that it had been a long time since he had shared a part of himself with Danny; the other boy was always asking Jackson for his advice about everything in his life and somewhere along the lines Jackson stopped talking back to Danny. He desperately wanted to share again, he wanted a _friend,_ it’d been a long time since he felt he had one and a long time since he had been a good one.

 

 

Stiles was surprised once he realized where Jackson was taking him, though he really shouldn’t have been. They were at the beach again, the sun was hot and perfect for a day near the water and Jackson had even brought an extra pair of swimming trunks for Stiles. They unpacked the car and hiked down the bluff to the sandy beach below. Jackson set a blanket on the ground while Stiles changed. First he took off his shirt and let his eyes stray to Jackson as he set books on each corner of the blanket to keep it from blowing away, Stiles then dropped his pants and folded them neatly with his shirt and stuffed them into Jackson’s back pack. Stiles wrapped a towel around his waist and shimmed out of his underwear and quickly pulled up his swimming trunks. He sighed when he was done, he didn’t know why he was so nervous, Jackson has seen him naked and more. The wolf was taking off his own clothes and Stiles tried not to watch too intently, it was harder than he thought, especially when Jackson would stretch and his muscles would pull tight.

Stiles was looking through Jackson’s back pack when he felt himself being lifted off his feet, he screamed as the ground rushed below him until he felt the too cold splash of water on his body, and suddenly a wave crested over them and Stiles gasped as the icy water soaked him. They rushed back to the shore and Jackson had the largest smile on his face, his skin was flushed pink and his brown hair shown golden in the sunlight. Stiles couldn’t help smile back.

“Here climb on my shoulders,” said Jackson as he fell to his knees, Stiles looked at him and thought about it for a second it before he just did it.

‘ _What the hell_ ,’ he thought. Jackson walked back into the water with Stiles on his back and waited for a large wave to rush them and as the giant crest of water approached he jumped, Stiles felt himself fly through the air before he crashed through the water beneath him.

They did this over and over again, it was completely frightening, Stiles kept thinking he was going to drown, but beneath all that was complete joy. The ocean was vast and powerful and Stiles was somewhat afraid but awed and amazed, it was _sublime_. Stiles felt like it was all childish fun, Jackson said it was primal, Stiles didn’t know what Jackson was talking about.

The two boys played in the water until all their energy was spent—they chased each other, splashed fought, ran from waves, and Stiles had even clung to Jackson’s back as the wolf swum far into the ocean and dove underneath the waves a few times before returning to shore—they collapsed onto Jackson blanket exhausted and out of breath. They laid there panting for a while until Stiles felt a cold spray hit his body, it made him flinch and flail, Jackson laughed and held up the spray sunscreen, “Your already turning red and I don’t want you to burn.”

Jackson sprayed Stiles with sunscreen before the boy did the same to him. Stiles laid back while Jackson opened the picnic basket and pulled out the Panini’s and a few bottles of water and handed one to each of them. Stiles unwrapped his sandwich and took a huge bite and couldn’t keep the loud moan in, it made Jackson blush.

“You like it?” asked the wolf, he really didn’t think Stiles would, there wasn’t much in them but he had tried his best to infuse the chicken with flavor by seasoning it well and adding a mayo basil sauce to it, he used pastry puff as the bread and grilled it all on the Panini press.

Stiles didn’t answer he just moaned louder and louder while taking giant bites of the sandwich until all of it was gone and the boy was left licking his fingers even though they were still gritty with sand. Jackson raised an eyebrow and smiled, Stiles held his hands out and did the ‘gimme gesture’, Jackson plopped another sandwich on it. They ate side by side, Jackson had his foot crossed over Stiles’, they were so close their hips touched and the sides of their torsos occasionally brushed together, every few minutes Jackson would knock his shoulder against Stiles’ and they would silently smile at the ocean in front of them. Stiles ate three sandwich’s, on Jackson’s insistence, and they both drank two water bottles.

They spent a several minutes lying in the sand absorbing the warmth of the sun, the sand was surprisingly comfortable and there weren’t many people on the beach and Stiles just felt completely at peace. The boy was glad Jackson had brought sunscreen, if he hadn’t Stiles would be one giant red blister. As they lay there, Jackson slowly slid his hand through the sand until it touched Stiles, he hesitated for a second before taking the boys hand into his, and that’s how they lay. Jackson couldn’t keep the smile off his face, Stiles couldn’t keep the confusion out of his head.

Jackson reached into his bag while Stiles was distracted and pulled out a camera his mother had given him—she’d given him two, a big expensive DSLR, a Canon EOS 5D Mark III, and an old polaroid that used to be hers, she was now passing it on to Jackson—he pulled out the polaroid and leaned close to Stiles, who had his eyes closed and seemed to be falling asleep, Jackson smiled wide and snapped a picture, waking Stiles with its loud snap, the film printed and Jackson hid it in his backpack. Most people think shaking it would make it develop faster, it didn’t, not with modern polaroid’s anyways, you just had to let it develop in peace. Stiles looked at him but didn’t say anything he just closed his eyes again and relaxed.

 

 

The drive home was peaceful and fast, Jackson drove while holding Stiles hand and hadn’t stopped smiling since they left the beach. Stiles couldn’t keep the smile off his own face, Jackson was kind of sappy, _‘who knew’_ , he liked holding hands and long walks on the beach. Stiles closed his eyes and just tried to enjoy whatever was happening between them, it was confusing…but nice. He could smell the salt that was still on their skin and the strange fishy smell of sea weed Stiles had somehow tangled himself in, and in his pocket he had a sea shell to remind him of this day.

Jackson walked Stiles to his front door. The boy pressed his back against the cold wood of the door as he turned to face Jackson. The wolf stood there, slight pink to his cheeks, he smiled shyly and a bit sad, Stiles couldn’t help the grin that appeared on his own face, all Jackson ever expected was to get hurt, the old Jackson used to hide that so well…or maybe not, maybe he’d made it so obvious no one really noticed.

“Want to come inside?” asked Stiles, and watched as a shy grin broke out across Jackson’s face, Stiles wondered what happened to the old confident Jackson, the one that knew he was going to get laid, that Jackson hadn’t been around since after the kanima thing. They walked inside and Stiles grabbed Jackson’s hand and lead him up the stairs. Halfway up Jackson pulled him into his arms and they kissed, and stumbled up the stairs, and Stiles heard the loud bang of his room door slamming open then the back of his knees hit his bed and Stiles fell, Jackson landed on top of him and kissed him until they were both panting and drooling, which was gross but also really hot, and then Jackson started using his teeth on his lips and across his neck, and Stiles panted and racked his nails against Jackson’s back. Stiles thrust his hips upwards and rubbed their hard-on’s together, Jackson shuddered and but meet him half way and then there was a sound, someone clearing their throat and Stiles opened his eyes and then pushed Jackson as hard as he could and the boy landed hard on the floor beside his bed.

His dad stood in the door way, both eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline, he slowly backed out of the room and quietly closed the door, Stiles wanted to die. Jackson looked up at him with a strange look on his face, he stood up and walked out of the door and let it swing shut behind him. Stiles laid there and wondered if he had done something wrong. He waited until his breathing eased before he moved, he adjusted his still hard dick and sighed loudly. He turned on his computer and thought about texting Jackson and asking him if everything was okay, he hadn’t meant to hurt Jackson, it was his fucking dad, and they were making out, and rutting against each other like fucking animals, and Stiles distantly remembered he had been moaning, loud, like _really_ loud, and he was sure Jackson was growling, and his dad saw… ‘ _Fuck.My.Life_ ’

After an hour—he put it off for as long as he thought was possible—he finally slowly walked into his dad’s room and prepared himself for the most embarrassing conversation he was going to have with his dad, he never thought he would have to ‘come out’, like ever. But his dad wasn’t there, Stiles could hear the sounds of dishes in the kitchen, he gulped in a large lung full of air before heading down the stairs as slow as he could. He turned the corner to his kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. Jackson was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a large glass of milk while his father drank coffee. There were cookies on a plate in the center of the table and the first words out of Stiles’ mouth were, “Who said you could eat cookies, you know you’re on a diet.” And his dad gave him _‘The Look’_ and Stiles instantly swallowed his words. Jackson smiled at him reassuringly and that only made Stiles more nervous.

“So, _Son_ , Jackson was just telling me that you two are…involved…in a relationship. Is that true?”

“Yes,” said Stiles, he could feel the sweat breaking out on his skin and the way his nerves screamed for him to move. And so he did, he pulled out a chair and took Jackson’s cup of milk and grabbed the plate of cookies and started dunking and filling his mouth with the too sweet pastries.

The Sheriff eyed his son before turning his attention back to Jackson, “Well it was nice of you to come down here and explain things to me.”

“Well you shouldn’t have found out like that, we should have told you, but this is kind of new, we didn’t want to tell too many people before we knew, before we both knew, that we wanted this.” Stiles was surprised by how sincere and eloquent Jackson sounded, he was being respectful, of both him and his father, and he understood the situation better than Stiles realized. It kind of made him feel bad to know that Jackson could still sense his reluctance. 

“Well Jackson thank you, but I think it’s time for you to go,” his father smiled and raised his eyebrows, both boys blushed, “you have school tomorrow after all.”

 

 

When Jackson’s Porsche pulled out of the drive way and disappeared down the road his father turned to him with a curious scowl, Stiles stood there and knew it was now time for _their_ conversation.

“So, first question, is this serious, are you really dating Jackson Whittemore?”

“Maybe…” Said Stiles, he knew he liked Jackson, he just didn’t know if he could make it work, and Jackson was right, he wasn’t a wolf, he didn’t mate, so if he felt he didn’t love Jackson, well it would only be right to break up….

“Maybe? Is that really your answer?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say dad,” Stiles shrugged, “we’ve had a connection for a while now and I hadn’t realized that that connection went a lot deeper for Jackson than it did for me and the one day we…well we connected further and I realized that maybe me and Jackson could be more than we have been and maybe I could be happy with him…” Stiles didn’t know what else to say so he just shrugged again.

His father shook his head though, “that boy, he isn’t anything maybe about you, his full blown head over heels in love with you, you realize that don’t you? He doesn’t deserve a maybe Stiles, and if you’re just doing this to get revenge, or to pass the time, or for any other reason other than to love that boy back…well he doesn’t deserve that.”

Stiles was stunned his father thought he was petty enough to do something horrible like that, “We…I can’t promise more, but for now I’m happy, what more can I do?”

His father just kept shaking his head, “and when someone else comes along who makes you happier, what then?”

“Jackson understands that I can’t...he knows that this might not work”

“Yeah, he probably does, but do you really think that would keep him from being hurt”

Stiles sighed and finally just said, “Dad, we’re both still young I don’t even know what it feels like to love someone, I think I do, and I think I feel it for Jackson, that’s it for now, give me some time.”

His father looked at him and finally shrugged, there was nothing he could do for the two boys, he just hoped neither of them would end up hurting the other.

 

 

Jackson drove away from the Stilinski household and gripped the steering wheel hard to keep himself from turning his car around and going back to the house. There was a strange energy coursing through his body and he didn’t really want to go home, he needed to do something or talk to someone. He drove around until he ended up at an old abandoned warehouse, it looked like Derek’s old abandoned Train Depot but the important part was that it wasn’t.

After he had died, twice, and came back things had been weird for him. He had large patches of time missing from his head and he often found himself focusing on strange thoughts, feeling or sights, some that he would sometimes not even remember. Danny always said it looked like he went into a trance, the way he would just stare off into space until someone brought him out of it, Jackson never really remembered doing it, he only remembered thinking about his life and himself and who he was and not being able to find a single answer. He talked less, he didn’t get as angry, though of course he still _got_ angry, and he just didn’t seem himself, mostly it was because he wasn’t. There was the guilt and the self-loathing, and a million different things that just made him act so…subdued.   

Derek didn’t want him, neither did Lydia, and Jackson found himself truly alone. He didn’t really mind, he had his parents who loved him and which he loved back. The werewolf things he figured out by himself, until Peter showed up. He teased Jackson, and bothered him, and made him feel as if his emotions didn’t matter, as if the person he was, the old Jackson, as if that was the only possible thing he could be, and Jackson had just lost it. He lunged at Peter and clawed and bit, they fought, and before Jackson knew it he was crying and yelling and telling Peter that it wasn’t his fault that he tried so hard and nobody fucking noticed, that he just wanted to know that he wasn’t alone and people just didn’t fucking care, and Peter reached out and hugged Jackson against his chest and Jackson had sobbed into that crazy alphas chest until there was nothing left inside Jackson except a dull empty throb.

Peter had taken him under his wing and taught him everything he knew, Peter had been his alpha and he raised a great beta. One who knew more about his inner wolf than anyone else, even Derek. That Alpha couldn’t even go full wolf, something Jackson had learned to do his first month with Peter. They’d grown close and Peter had helped him keep himself together as Jackson desperately tried to…keep himself together. And if Derek hadn’t been a jealous bitch, Jackson would still be with Peter, the man actually wanted to be Jackson’s alpha.

Once Lydia left Jackson, Stiles and him sort of connected. They bonded over being dissed by the same girl, about the way she had tried to manipulate the both of them, about the supernatural bullshit in their town, and a million different things until one day they realized they were close friends.  

Which is why he was at the warehouse, it was the place Peter had made his home and Jackson walked in excited to see the man who he’d grown to respect. Jackson walked deep into the warehouse until he found the man in his kitchen, he was making a sandwich with far too many layers. The alpha smiled wide when he saw the other wolf and they both embraced hard.

“There’s so much I have to tell you, I’m happy, for the first time in a long time, and I wanted to see you, to talk…is it okay?”

Peter laughed and said, “Of course.” He pulled Jackson into his arms and hugged him tight.

“Remember I told you about Stiles…about him being my mate, well we had our first date today…it was nice and I think…I think we’re going to be okay.” Jackson smiled wide, he had so much hope.

Peter’s smile wavered, “Jackson…are you sure you want to follow through with this. I know he’s your mate, I know you love him, but…he’s human.”

“What does that matter, we’re going to try and I—“

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” said Peter and looked right into Jackson’s confused eyes. The smaller wolf didn’t get it he had his mate, his mate wanted to be with him.

“He said he loved me…”

“Jackson, I don’t want you to think…it’s just that humans have a way of…changing their minds. They’re not like us, they don’t feel the same thing we wolves feel for our mates. I’m not saying they don’t know how to love, I’m just saying that they can fall out of love, we can’t, and I don’t want to see that boy hurt you.”

Jackson was confused, Stiles was his mate and hearing Peter talk about him like that was pissing him off, but at the same time he knew that Peter was coming from a place of affection and had his best interests in mind.

“I just…I need him Peter…” The older man smiled and hugged him tight.

 

 

That night Jackson lay in his bed and tried to sleep but couldn’t. He wasn’t tired, he wanted to be with Stiles, he wanted to sit in his tree and watch his mate sleep and make sure he was safe and protected. He sighed and tossed from one side and then another before he just lay on his back staring at the ceiling. His phone vibrated with one message from Danny, ‘ _wat, when, who! I thought you said you weren’t going to date girls ever again’._

Jackson smiled as he wrote his response, _‘yeah, exactly_ ;)’

Danny responded, ‘ >:o ‘

Jackson laughed and rolled over, he couldn’t wait to talk to his best friend. There was a lot he had to tell him.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for being patient with me, it took me much longer than i anticipated to get this chapter out but here it is.

               Stiles walked next to Scott in school the next day and just waited for the axe to fall, he hadn’t seen Jackson since the day before but Stiles knew he reeked like the other wolf, Jackson had rubbed himself across all his clothes, like literally, every fucking piece and while Stiles couldn’t smell it he was sure that Scott could and probably would. And sure enough the first thing Scott mentioned was that he smelled different, ‘weird’ he said, and he didn’t like it, he didn’t smell like himself. Stiles threw Scott off by saying that he smelled the way he always did, and even if his scent _had_ changed Scott hadn’t been around to notice, he was too busy trying to figure out if Allison was his mate, then hanging out with Isaac, and doing things with Derek, he no longer had time for his best friend. Scott had been completely thrown off, mostly from the truth and the sudden flash of guilt, and he’d let the subject of Stiles’ suddenly different scent go.

               Stiles felt guilty as he walked to class, he hadn’t wanted to make Scott feel bad about the way things were between them. Stiles understood that Scott had a lot on his plate and couldn’t dedicate as much time to his best friend, at least not as much as they both wished he could, but with the Alphas in town, and Derek’s pack on the verge of collapse—Erica and Boyd missing, Isaac teetering between Derek and Scott—well the wolf had a lot on his plate. But as Stiles saw Jackson heading to class and the wolf turned to him and gave him a sideways grin before disappearing into his classroom, a smile which pulled one onto his own face, well, Stiles didn’t feel too bad about Scott, ‘ _He’ll find out…eventually’_.

               The day went by quickly and without much fanfare, Stiles and Jackson mostly acted as if everything were the same. The only differences were the secret little smiles Jackson would send his way, and the strange bubbling happiness Stiles felt each time he saw the other boy. School ended and Stiles drove Scott to Derek’s new apartment where the alpha was holding some meeting, apparently their alpha found out that the alpha pack _had_ been busy, they just had no clue with what. Derek wanted them to find out, and by them he meant Scott and Isaac since everyone else had disappeared, even Jackson hadn’t shown up, which Derek didn’t mention but everyone else couldn’t help notice.

               Derek’s news worried Stiles, he couldn’t help thinking of his father out on the streets alone, especially with the alpha pack out there doing…well no one knew, and that just made it so much worse. The police force was working with half its usual staff since it still hadn’t recovered from Matt’s attack and people just weren’t applying to fill the positions, and his father did his best but it just wasn’t enough, especially now that he knew that he was dealing with supernatural forces. Sometimes Stiles forgets his father knows, about everyone and everything, at least now he does. Stiles sighed but had to admit he felt better knowing that Scott was going to be out there helping out now, keeping his father safer than he otherwise would have been.

               Stiles spent the rest of the evening doing his homework in his room, Derek’s small pack had taken to the streets that night and forbid Stiles to tag along, as if he wanted to…it was cold, and there was a Lord of The Rings marathon on TV. The boy finished his homework and then spent the rest of his time roaming his favorite blogs on the internet. After, he brushed his teeth, slipped out of his clothes until all he had on were his boxer briefs and a black tank top, then flipped off the lights and burrowed into the covers in his bed and tried to sleep.

He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind but remained painfully aware of his father’s absence, and the information Derek had given them scared him, he said that people had been going missing, not in Beacon Hills but the towns surrounding it and Derek didn’t know why. The alpha also said that he’d found scents he didn’t recognize around all their houses, a lot of them, he also said that he’d found a lot of blood around Stiles’ house and couldn’t really explain why since he couldn’t find any bodies or trails, the alpha didn’t mention to anyone but Stiles that he’d also smelled Jackson all over the place, which he had actually expected, they were mates after all—Stiles didn’t know that Derek knew about that and he’d been completely embarrassed, no mortified really, or completely utterly fucking embarrassed to hell, he and Jackson had been having a lot of sex and he was sure the alpha could smell it on him, Derek kept looking at him weird, as if he saw him in a completely different light, but Jackson hadn’t told anyone that they were actually trying to be in a relationship so all Derek could know is that they were fucking, which was worse since Derek might think that he was some loose slut that—the point being he was embarrassed and scared.

 Stiles thought…maybe Jackson had been protecting him from the alphas for god only knows how long and, past the creepy and stalkerish feel of the whole thing, it was nice knowing _someone_ had been out there protecting him and his father long before Derek had decided to get involved. Stiles bitterly thought that Scott probably did the same for Allison but hadn’t bothered doing it for him, which wasn’t fair; Allison was the one with all the guns and Stiles was the one with the sarcasm, so who exactly needed more protection there, huh?

Stiles sighed and tossed around on his bed, he listened to the regular nightly noises that surrounded his house, the creaking and the sighing of the building itself, the rustle of leaves and the scratching of branches, the sudden unexpected snap of a twig beneath his window, the scratching of claws against the side of the house and then right on his window sill, and the unmistakable sound of someone opening it, sliding the glass frame up and the soft thud of feet as they were placed on his bedroom floor. Stiles pulled the sheets over his head and hoped that the trick worked just as well against werewolves as it did against boogiemen. He heard heavy footsteps as they slowly travelled towards his bed, he heard the rustle of clothes as they were removed and dropped on the ground and, for  second, all Stiles could think of was how weird that was, before the sheets were completely pulled of his body and above him towered Jackson, in nothing but his underwear.

“Scoot over,” he said, and as Stiles did he slipped into the bed and wrapped his arms around the boy. “I couldn’t sleep at home so I thought I’d do it here...is that okay?” Stiles was getting better at hearing the subtleties in Jackson’s voice, especially when he was trying to hide what he really felt…but Stiles frowned and sighed.

“You really scared the shit out of me Jackson,” he said in an annoyed and angry voice, his heart was beating fast in his chest and his lungs burned from holding his breath, the wolf looked confused and maybe even a little hurt, he hesitantly started to climb out of bed before Stiles stopped him and talked on, “but yeah you can stay, just call me next time…swear to god you almost gave me a heart attack.” Jackson didn’t respond he just shook his head up and down before lying back down with Stiles in his arms. The boy sighed and as the minutes passed he again heard the sounds from outside, the rustle of leaves, the snap of some twig, maybe even the sounds of some animal digging through his trash. Those noises faded away, slowly, until all he could hear was the sigh of air that escaped Jackson’s lips as he breathe, the rhythmic thud of the wolf’s heartbeat, and the feel of the wolfs nose pressed against the back of his neck, and Stiles wasn’t scared anymore. He felt safe, Jackson was an amazing werewolf, Peter had seen to that, and as much as Stiles hated _that_ crazy alpha, he had to admit he was the better alpha and wolf when compared to Derek who had just ignored Jackson.

Stiles slept easily after that and was only awoken when he felt the bed dip, and Jackson bent over and kissed the side of his head and whispered, “I’m going home to change for school but you still have a few minutes to go, I’ll see you later.” After that Stiles closed his eyes and was awoken by his father knocking on his bedroom door. Stiles smiled and got ready for school.

 

 

Jackson walked through school and felt better than he had in a long time. The black hole that once lived inside him, that had whispered horrible dark things into his ear, it seemed to have either disappeared or just faded completely away into the back recesses of his mind until he finally felt like himself. He went through his classes and paid attention, he went to practice and for once was actually the captain that everyone on the team expected him to be, and he hung out with Danny, just the two of them, and was the best friend he hadn’t been in a long time.

Jackson didn’t want to think about what Peter had said, he didn’t want to believe that Stiles would do that to him, would one day fall out of love with him, and so he didn’t. He didn’t want his happiness to go away, he didn’t want the black hole to return and with it the feeling that he no longer deserved to walk on the earth, not after all the things he’d done. Instead, he thought of the joy that tingled through his body every time he saw Stiles, whether it be in school, or in his room, or the feeling of warmth that spread through his body when he held the boy tight in his arms, his scent, his taste, everything, and sex, dear god the sex, amazing.

Jackson smiled shyly to himself as he walked from one class to another. He could see Stiles’ buzzed head ahead of him, he was talking animatedly with Scott and Isaac, he seemed happy, which was good, Stiles should always be happy. But as hard as Jackson tried to keep the dark feelings away he knew that it was not only impossible, but irresponsible, and just plain rude to do so, to forget the faces of the people he’d killed, to pretend that he hadn’t done it and that it hadn’t changed him, that he hadn’t killed people with his own hands, that Gerard and Matt hadn’t taken advantage of him like no ever had in his life. He didn’t feel the smile fall off his face, or the sharp turn he made into the bathroom until he was sitting in an empty stall with his head clutched in his hands, sweat running down his face. He was shivering and his head ached with the sharp memories of the things he had done when he wasn’t himself. They seared their way into his head every time, like a scalpel cutting into his brain, every face, every feel and sight, and he clenched his teeth against it, he was happy, he wouldn’t let that go, but he wouldn’t stop mourning his past, every bad decision, every mistake, he wanted to scream again, he wanted to tear and bite himself to pieces, he wanted to tear the flesh of his bones and be born as someone else, instead he cried.

He took much longer than he thought, everyone was out in the halls and heading to the cafeteria for lunch, Jackson couldn’t deal with so many people so soon, even his wolf wanted nothing more than to burrow into some cave for safety. He roamed the halls until he finally found an exit and made a straight line for it, he bobbed and weaved through the crowd and when that didn’t work he just barreled through anyone stupid enough to get in his way, until the crowd got the hint and started to part for him.

When he reached his car he fumbled the keys out of his pocket before hitting a random button that luckily unlocked his car door. Jackson sat at the wheel and deeply inhaled the smell of the familiar leather of his car, he gripped the steering wheel tight in his hands and allowed it to ground him, to remind him of who he really was. He slowly crumpled into himself until the his forehead hit the steering wheel, he tried to breathe through the lump that was forming in his chest, he tried to fight through the guilt, he remembered the night before, Stiles curled up in his arms snoring so loud Jackson had no clue how _he_ had been able to fall asleep, but he had, and nothing felt better than waking up to his mate sleeping peacefully in his arms, Jackson had been able to imagine then, that everything would be okay, that he, and they, them, would be okay, that everything would work out fine. But he’d been a fool to think that the black hole had disappeared, it was still there and as powerful as ever…but he had something else now to, he had a sun, a bright ball of all-encompassing light that he could use to drive away the darkness.

A sharp knock on his window shocked him out of whatever stupor he had been driven into. Danny was standing next to his car door with a worried expression on his face, his eyebrows were high on his head and his eyes were squinted in barely contained worry. Jackson sighed, _‘fuck’_ he thought, but he still had some stuff left to tell Danny…He unlocked the passenger side door and Danny slipped into the seat before Jackson could change his mind.

They sat in silence for a long time, neither knew where to start. Danny didn’t know what was wrong with Jackson, what had been wrong with Jackson,  he was finally sick of being left out in the dark, especially now that Jackson finally seemed to have gotten over whatever had been bothering him the whole year. Jackson wasn’t sure whether telling Danny was the right idea, he wondered what Danny thought of him, really thought of him, of what type of person he was, and whether that would change after what Jackson would tell him, when he knew the truth of everything that had happed the past year.

Jackson took a deep breath and sighed, groaned really, an escape of air that didn’t properly relay the amount of pain and suffering Jackson had been storing inside himself since he found those files in his father’s office that told him he was adopted. He gripped the steering wheel tight and opened his mouth, he hesitated, he played it off by taking another deep breathe and then tried again. He opened his mouth and from it came a torrent of information, of everything that had happened the past year. First about Scott’s bite and Allison’s real lineage, about how he wanted the bite, how he wanted to be better, at sports, better than Scott, than everyone, and how eventually he’d gotten it, after using Lydia, Stiles, Scott and Allison. Jackson told Danny about how the bite changed him, turned him into some creature with no sense of self or free will and how it had slowly driven him insane, to the point that he no longer believed anything he saw and every day he wished he could die and then he did, twice.

Danny sat and listened and absorbed and he believed, everything, he had no reason not to. Jackson didn’t stop speaking, he told Danny everything, things he’d told no one, not even Stiles. He told him about the things Matt had done to him, the ways the boy had taken advantage of him, and after how Gerard had done the same in a much different horrific way.

He told Danny about the hole inside him, the darkness, the thing that pulled at him and made him want to lie down and die, and the faithful day he met his mate and felt the darkness fade away until he felt…normal, again.

Danny watched Jackson intently, the boy had never shared, not a lot, Danny learned quickly that Jackson only shared when he was on the brink of doing something really stupid and needed someone to talk him out of whatever he was planning. Danny looked at Jackson now, he was bent over the steering wheel breathing hard, like he’d run a race. Jackson was just spent; sharing seemed to do that to him, to drain him of all his energy. Danny watched the small trail of tears that escaped the boy’s eyes and did something he had never done before, not to Jackson, he got out of the car and ran. He was out of breath and back inside the school before he realized what he’d done. He thought of going back but instead he walked as far away as possible.

Danny felt stomach turning, he was sure he was going to throw up so he ducked into a bathroom and sat on the toilet inside one of the stalls. Classes weren’t out yet so it was just him alone in that small stall, all he could think about was what Jackson had said, what had happened to him and how much he needed a friend but it was too much, it was all too much, Danny was…scared. Jackson had killed people and no one knew it, no that wasn’t true, people did know, they’d just done nothing about it. But what could they do, Jackson hadn’t…I mean he said he hadn’t been himself, that someone had controlled him, but Danny had no way of knowing if that were true, short of asking Scott and Stiles, which he wasn’t, not after knowing what Scott really was, what they all were. God, Danny was freaked out and maybe even a little disgusted, at all of them, but especially Jackson had been dealing with so much all year and all he’d done was go clubbing and go through a rotation of boyfriends while his best friend was dealing with being attacked by a werewolf, then becoming a lizard, and now he was a werewolf apparently. Danny calmed himself and did all he could think of, he went home to think.

 

 

Stiles sat in his room later that evening doing some homework. His dad was home from work for once and had decided to cook something to mark the occasion. Stiles’ day had been pretty boring, he hadn’t seen Jackson at all and Scott had spent most of the time talking about how he couldn’t even find the alphas let alone find out what they were doing. Stiles was worried, he asked Scott if they had been able to find any patterns, any traces that might led them to their base of operations, but they hadn’t. Whatever the alphas were doing, they were doing it out of town and only came in to…well, they still didn’t know.

Stiles tried hard to concentrate on his homework but failed miserably; instead he booted up his computer and visited the online versions of different newspapers in hopes of finding something, anything, which might help them find the alphas and what they were up to. But he didn’t find much, yes there where a lot of missing persons reports but the police didn’t find them unusual, which in its self was unusual…Stiles sighed as he leaned back in his chair, he heard the doorbell ring below and his father speaking to someone before he heard the sound of the front door shut. A few seconds later there was a knock at his door, Stiles opened it and was, for some reason, surprised to see Jackson. He was wearing a pair of shorts and an old t shirt and was covered in sweat, he had a gym bag hanging off one of his shoulders. He was breathing hard, his face was flushed and he had no right looking as amazing as he did.

“There’s no way in hell your coming into my room covered in sweat,” were the first words out of Stiles’ mouth. Jackson frowned but turned on his heel and head down the hall and into Stiles’ bathroom. A few minutes later Stiles heard the shower come on and all he could do was sit in front of his computer and wait for Jackson to finish his shower…apparently. Jackson walked into his room ten minutes later, he was wearing a loose fitting hoodie and a pair of jeans. He looked…sad.

“Is it okay if I do my homework here? My parents are out of town for a week and I…I didn’t want to be alone…” Jackson looked expectantly at Stiles and he wondered if Jackson actually thought he was going to say no. Instead Stiles said, “Don’t I even get a kiss hello,” and Jackson smiled, walked towards him, and kissed him chastely on the cheek. It was sweet in the strangest way and made Stiles smile.

Jackson ended up on the bed while Stiles sat at his desk. They did homework mostly in silence, Stiles knew there was something he should say, to ask Jackson if he was okay, but he was too embarrassed to, which was stupid, Jackson was his—his…boyfriend.

“Hey Jackson…you okay?” It sounded as stupid to Stiles as he was sure it did to Jackson. But the wolf smiled sadly and shrugged.

“I told Danny, you know, about everything,” Jackson got off the bed and walked towards Stiles desk, he leaned against the window sill right next to Stiles’ desk, the one he used to watch the boy through, “he…didn’t take it as well as I’d hoped.”

“He probably just needs some time. It’s a lot to take in, for anyone, just…give it some time.” Stiles knew his advice was unconvincing and probably ineffectual, but that didn’t make it any less true. Jackson smiled at him and picked up one of the board games that were stacked next to Stiles’ desk. He held up the box, it happened to hold all the Pokémon cards he owned, Jackson pulled out the giant stacks of cards and said, “I’ll play you,” and Stiles said, “Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong.”

 

 

An hour and three games later, dinner was ready, Jackson stayed and it was kind of nice, they talked and ate and it wasn’t awkward. Now they were back in Stiles’ room, homework finished, Stiles was lying on his bed and Jackson was sitting next to it on the floor, they were watching a movie on Stiles television though neither of them was paying it much attention, Jackson was still a stuck in his mood, Stiles was still thinking about what he could do to get him out of it.

Stiles thought he would be good at this, at being in a relationship. But deciding to be in one with Jackson has completely thrown him off his imagined groove. He didn’t know how to comfort this guy, he didn’t know how to make someone else happy, he just…he was just new to this.

Jackson sighed loudly in the middle of the movie and got up to turn it off. He turned to Stiles who was still lying in his bed slowly falling asleep. He blushed and asked, “Is it okay if I lay in the bed with you?” and Stiles couldn’t help but blush as well, but he said, “yeah,” and scooted over to give Jackson some space.

What Stiles hadn’t expected was for Jackson to crawl onto the bed, he smiled up at Stiles and, damn, that was sexy as hell. But Jackson didn’t take the space next to Stiles, instead he crawled right on top of Stiles and laid his head down on the boys stomach, his arms wrapped around his body and they lay there like that, in silence, since Stiles was stunned and had no clue what he was supposed to do. Jackson’s head was turned away from him and he clearly heard Jackson sigh.

A few minutes later Jackson turned his head and looked up at Stiles, he smiled up at the boy with a near drunk expression on his face, he’d almost fallen asleep and he still felt like he was going to. Stiles smiled and shook his head, Jackson was…cute. Stiles asked Jackson how his day had been and the wolf told him that it had been okay, after Danny ditched him he went running since it always used to clear his mind, but hours later he found himself exhausted and lonely, it was why he was here. They talked, about nothing in particular, just dumb stuff they’d noticed throughout the day, about school, teachers, homework, the fact that they were both addicted to Adventure Time and Regular Show, that fact they both still watched cartoons even when the people around them refused to admit that they did the same, and then they both waxed poetic about their respective cars.

Stiles hadn’t realized he was running his hands through the wolfs hair he just felt its silky softness, he noticed how nice it smelled freshly washed and clean, ‘ _Jackson must have brought his own shampoo’,_ Jackson hummed as his mate petted him and they continued talking.

“Jackson…what did you want to do when you grow up? Do you plan on leaving this place? I bet you do, you probably have big dreams of big cities, of fame and fortune…or at least fortune, huh?”

“…Not really, I like it here, its peaceful and beautiful and where I grew up. I always thought I’d…well when I was younger I kind of—and don’t laugh please—but I wanted to be a writer.” Stiles looked down past his nose and into Jackson’s eyes, his head was still resting on his stomach and Stiles could feel Jackson’s chin digging into his ribs.  The boy couldn’t really see Jackson as an author.

“Wouldn’t you rather…I don’t know, become a professional lacrosse players, is that a thing, are there professional lacrosse players?”

“Frist of all yes there are famous lacrosse players secondly I’m not as stupid as you think I am”

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean it like that.” Stiles looked at Jackson but the wolf was kind of pissed off, he turned his head away and refused to look at the younger boy. “I’m sorry Jackson I didn’t mean anything by it I swear I just…never knew you liked writing.”

“Well I do,” said Jackson petulantly against the flat of Stiles’ stomach. Neither spoke now, and Stiles could feel the air grow a bit tense when Jackson finally spoke.

“I used to write Lydia poems. She said she loved them, that she had never—and well, I think it helped her like me. But then she _stopped_ liking them, and insisted I buy her stuff instead, expensive things that had nothing going for them except a price tag and a designer name…she finally told me one day that she thought,” Jackson laughed here, “she said that my poems were the worst thing she’d ever read, they were so saccharine they could give you diabetes…she actually said that, and I stopped writing after that because...because I believed her. My poems were shit, they were a waste of paper, and my stories were contrived and meaningless…”

Stiles wished Jackson would stop surprising him like this, Stiles always knew people were different when you got to know them, for real, when you shared lonely intimate moments, when you could stop worrying about what people thought of you and you could just be yourself. But Jackson was something else; he was like two different people, a public figure and a private figure, the asshole and this person lying on top of him, his boyfriend, his mate. Jackson looked up at him and smiled, cheeks tinted pink, and Stiles leaned in and placed a kiss on the wolf’s lips, catching him off guard. Jackson smiled wider; he crawled up a little until he could bury his face into his mate’s neck.

Stiles giggled, it tickled, but it also made him feel giddy, this was good, they were talking and connecting and Jackson didn’t seem sad anymore, he seemed more like himself.

“This must be really weird for you,” started Jackson, he whispered it right next to Stiles’ ear, “I know you never imagined doing things like this with me…thanks, you know, for giving me a chance.”

“I…well I’m not going to lie and say that this is what I imagined my first relationship was going to be like, that I would end up with you, snuggling on my bed…but it’s nice, this is nice.”

Stiles wrapped his arms tighter against the other boy’s body and sighed. They fell asleep like that, and when Stiles’ dad found them, cuddled up and asleep, completely unaware of the world, well, the man didn’t have the heart to send Jackson home, especially knowing that there was no one there waiting for him, so he left them there, in peace and in each other’s arms, and the Sheriff hoped that whatever happened between the two boys that they would both find a way to be happy.


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles thought back to that first night, when he ran, scared out of his mind, through the woods, how cold it had been and how the sound of Jackson’s snarling filled his ears, made his heart beat at a rabbits pace. He remembered the way Jackson fought his new and foreign instincts and how Stiles had just given in to his own, that had been their first time. It had been…animalistic, but thrilling, and it hadn’t hurt, and after it Stiles had been left feeling conflicted and strange, but mostly curious and excited for what could be.

After that he and Jackson had more moment’s together, tender and slow, more sex, more sharing, but most of all they grew close fast. They did homework together and had lunch together, and Jackson held his hand and dared people to say something, anything—no one ever did though. Stiles, well, he liked being with Jackson, he would almost say that maybe, he might be, at least, well, he thought he was maybe a little kind of in love… 

That was why Stiles found himself where he was now. He huffed and his breath released a white cloud of moisture into the cool air, he pulled on the tie around his neck, shook the cardigan he had on in a sad attempt to create a breeze. He was fucking hot and could feel sweat beading on his neck and then running down his back, he pinched the front of his short and rapidly pulled it away from his body and felt a very small breeze that did absolutely nothing to stop his sweating. It was cold out and yet Stiles felt like he was suffering through some sweltering heat wave. He was nervous, he paced in front of the door before walking up to it and raising his fist, he tried to knock but couldn’t. He growled and turned away and paced and finally just ran up to the door and knocked loudly three times and clenched his jaw.

He heard footsteps approaching the door and the closer they got the more nervous he became. Finally the door was pulled open and the light from inside cast him in its soft yellow glow. It was Jackson, _‘thank god’,_ the boy smiled and pulled him into an easy hug before he pulled away and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“What are you wearing?” asked Jackson with an amused grin on his face as he stepped away from his mate. Stiles was wearing a black dress shirt which was tightly tucked into his blue chinos, he wore a grey cardigan on top of that and a blue and grey tie to pull the entire outfit together. What he hadn’t expected was how hot the whole thing would make him feel, the tie around his neck felt like it kept getting tighter and tighter, cutting off his air. The cardigan was too damn hot and itchy, all he wanted to do was take it off, pull his shirt out and burn the fucking tie.

Nothing had prepared him for how fucking nervous he was going to get, he swears he was even a little light headed. But dinner with Jackson’s parents was something he hadn’t ever planned doing, at least not under these exact circumstances, meeting his boyfriends parents, for the first time. It completely blew his mind.

“Wait right there!” said Jackson and he ran back into the house and god knows where. Stiles waited at the front door and huffed out another cold breathe before Jackson suddenly jumped back into the door frame and began taking a barrage of pictures with his camera. Stiles was blinded by the bright flashes that kept going off in strobe fast pace, “Jackson you ass! I swear none of these better end up on the internet, stop it, AGH!” Stiles attacked, he ran straight at the flashing light and tried to pry the camera out of Jackson’s hand. The other boy laughed and backed into the house, Stiles chased him inside and leaped onto Jackson as he reached for the camera. Jackson kept passing it from hand to hand and holding it over his head. Jackson laughed and Stiles couldn’t keep the annoyed smile off his face.

“You look like the biggest dork in existence,” said Jackson, “and I want to remember it forever.” Stiles groaned, he knew how stupid he looked, but he’d wanted to impress Jackson’s parents, had wanted to make the best of impressions, he couldn’t help but laugh though.

He finally noticed where he was, inside Jackson’s living room, the space was wide and each wall was made of thick glass that looked out into the plush forest that surrounded the house. There was a giant fireplace that actually had a roaring fire blazing in its center, warming the house. There were bookshelves lined with a great expanse of books, amazing things wrapped in supple leather, they were probably some sort of first editions or maybe even manuscripts, Stiles didn’t know, he just knew that he wasn’t going to be touching those anytime soon. And it wasn’t even like it was his first time in Jackson’s house, he’d been here plenty of times, but he had never been there when one of Jackson’s parents was there, he hadn’t known how different that would make him feel.

He coughed, cleared his throat and Jackson held out his hand, Stiles took it and let himself be pulled into the kitchen. Jackson’s parents were there, his father was dressed in pale grey suit pants, white shirt which was tucked in, red tie knotted tight at the neck, his blazer was draped over one of the chairs in the kitchen. Jackson’s mom on the other hand wore an old pale pair of jeans and a deep red flannel, Jackson was just in jeans and a tight black t-shirt…and Stiles felt over dressed, he thanked god that at least Jackson’s father had dressed up…or at least hadn’t changed after work.

“Mom, dad, Stiles is here…try not to embarrass me,” was the way Jackson introduced Stiles. He felt himself blush as he walked forward to shake Mr. Whittemore’s hand, the man had a pleasant smile on his face and shook firmly but not overly powerful or hurtful. Jackson’s mother had a sly grin on her face as she pulled the boy into a tight hug, like really tight, like, wrapped up and pressed against a random pair of boobs, boobs that belonged to his boyfriends mom, there was no way his face could turn any redder. Jackson thankfully pulled him away and held him tight against his own chest.

Jackson’s mom laughed and covered her face; Jackson’s father shook his head in a way that suggested this was usual behavior.

“Jackson…can’t breathe…” Stiles was finally released form the tight embrace and then stood awkwardly in the kitchen not sure what to do. “So, is there any way I can help?” asked Stiles, thinking it was the most polite thing to ask.

“Don’t be silly, you two boys go upstairs, dinner won’t be ready for another twenty minutes.” And that’s what both boys did.

Stiles followed Jackson up to his room on the second floor; he was always a little surprised every time he entered it. Jackson’s room had once been…barren. It was as if no one lived in it, almost like it was just another guest room that happened to hold all of Jackson’s clothes. It changed since then though, Jackson had a stack of books on a table—Stiles had actually read most of those—there were a stack of DVD’s on the floor and board games piled up next to them. Jackson finally got a television in his room, on Stiles’ insistence; it was huge and connected to every game system in existence. But the most impressive change to Jackson’s room were the walls. What once had been plain white surfaces became Jackson’s new favorite project. The wolf had painstakingly covered an entire side of blank wall with foam pin cushion. He pinned ever picture he took to his walls and had the most impressive collection Stiles had ever scene. It helped that Jackson actually had a pretty good eye, and his parents had allowed him to turn parts of their basement into his own dark room.

Stiles stepped up to the wall and looked for whatever new pictures Jackson had deemed worthy enough to pin there. It was always embarrassing to the boy seeing all the pictures of himself on there, there were a lot, but he didn’t expect anything different from his creepy boyfriend/life mate. Jackson threw himself onto his bed and waited for Stiles to join him; he pulled out the memory card from his digital camera and pushed it into the SD slot of his laptop. Stiles finally sat next to Jackson and watched as the boy imported pictures onto his computer. And suddenly there was Stiles standing like a dork in a cardigan and tie, Jackson clicked from picture to picture, they both watched as Stiles’ expression turned from unaware, to surprised, to annoyed, and finally angry. What followed after that were pictures so blurry neither of them had any clue what they were. Jackson had a fond little smile on his face and Stiles rolled his eyes. Jackson made the annoyed Stiles picture his desktop wallpaper.

 

 

Stiles chewed on his asparagus spear and was surprised by how delicious it was, covered in melted butter and sprinkled with bits of garlic. There was a slice of amazingly moist chicken on top of a bed of rice, and no matter how delicious it all was Stiles was still finding it difficult to swallow it all down. Jackson’s parents were nice and acted completely different to what Stiles had expected. They asked him a lot of questions, most he’d expected, some he hadn’t, but they weren’t rude about it, more curious than anything else.

Stiles found out that Mrs.Whittemore wasn’t the stay at home mom he thought she was. Apparently, and without anyone in town finding out, Jackson’s mom was actually a biologist, she worked part time as a park ranger while she did case studious on the few indigenous animals left in the area. Stiles had _not_ expected that. She worked for the government now, one of the other local biologist _—‘who knew there was more than one’—_ let the FWS, the United States Fish and Wildlife Service, know about the strange animals attacks that had been happening around town and Jackson’s mom had been appointed head of a committee hired to find out its cause. Of course Jackson’s parents were one of the few who knew the truth about Beacon Hills and its “animal attacks”.

When they finished dinner Jackson’s mom brought out dessert. It wasn’t anything special, just vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce on top. But they all shared it together at the table as they talked. Jackson’s parents asked them how they’re respective days had been, they spoke about their own jobs, the annoyances and the accomplishments and Jackson’s mom told three terrible jokes, on purpose. They made Jackson blush and his father laugh.

“So Stiles,” started Jackson’s mom, “there’s a favor we have to ask of you, we thought today would be as good a day as any.” Jackson looked at his parents, eyes wide and surprised and opened his mouth to stop whatever his parents had wanted to ask, but Jackson’s mom beat him to it, “me and the Mister have to go out of town next week, and as you probably know, it’s the full moon. We were wondering if you would be so kind as to baby sit our little boy.” She emphasized her point by pinching Jackson’s already red cheeks.

“Uhh, sure I guess. I mean it isn’t my first time, I mean I’ve done it before. I have experience I guess, in babysitting…werewolves…” Stiles stopped talking; it was either that or ramble on for another five minutes. Jackson’s mom looked up at her son and gave her an impressed look. Jackson brought his palm up against his face, before he excused both himself and Stiles and fled back into his room. They hung out for a bit before Stiles finally went home.

 

 

Next week Stiles walked into Jackson’s living room and dumped a duffel bag filled with some clothes, chains, a couple jars filled with ash, and some other stuff he thought he might need to subdue a runaway werewolf. Jackson stood in front of the fireplace drinking some tea, or at least what Stiles thought was tea, he seemed nervous, Stiles was used to do that. What he wasn’t used to was the smile stretching Jackson’s face, he wasn’t as nervous as he was anxious, excited really.

“Why are you so happy?” asked Stiles.

“You mean other than getting to see you?” said Jackson, as he turned, his eyes squinted in mock sexiness, Stiles smiled and rolled his eyes, “I like the full moon. It’s…freeing.”

They ended up in the backyard near Jackson’s pool. The boy had started a fire in a huge fire pit Stiles had no clue the Whittemore’s even had. Jackson grabbed Stiles from behind and held the boy tight against his chest as they both stared up at the white globe in the sky. Jackson let his head rest on the Stiles’ shoulder and couldn’t stop himself from rubbing his face against the other boys, nuzzling, Stiles was actually used to it.

Stiles stood by anxiously, his hands were sweating and he could feel his tense muscles clench up when Jackson wrapped his arms around him. He was actually kind of scared, last time Jackson had wolfed out around him he was going through his heat and that had ended…sexily. Stiles shook his head to clear _that_ thought out of his mind, the last thing he needed was for Jackson to get any ideas…sexy ideas…

They stood around longer before Jackson pulled away and started taking off his clothes.

“Dude, what are you doing!”

“Taking off my clothes,”

“I can see that you dick, but why,”

“So I can shift easier,” and with that Jackson fell onto his knees and landed on his hands. Stiles backed away as the muscles on Jackson body bulged, his bones cracked, and everything started to move. Jackson arms elongated and thickened, his face grew a muzzle and then sharp powerful fangs, fur grew out of his body and then he grew in mass, tall and thick. A few minutes later what stood in front of Stiles wasn’t human, it was…well a fucking wolf. Jackson had grown several feet tall and thickened out into the biggest wolf Stiles had ever seen, technically the only wolf, but still the biggest fucking animal Stiles had ever seen.

Jackson’s fur was bright white, like blindingly white, so white it seemed to glow with reflected moon light. Stiles could feel his jaw flapping up and down like some fish, but he had finally been driven speechless. Jackson was beautiful, majestic, he looked like something you’d see on some hippies t-shirt, or the cover of National Geographic.

Jackson panted were he lay on his belly, his eyes were shut and his mouth was wide open as he tried to take in as much oxygen as he could. It took several minutes before the pain subsided and Jackson’s mind cleared. He stood and shook out his fur, then stretched his paws, his back, and yawned wide. _‘Upward facing dog,’_ thought Stiles, he walked forward and placed his hand right on wolf Jackson’s muzzle. The wolf looked at him sideways before licking his mates hand, Stiles giggled. Jackson walked right into Stiles and started rubbing his face against the boys, before leaving thick wet stripes of saliva on the boy’s face with the vigorous strokes of his tongue. Stiles had to push Jackson away to get him to stop, but when he did Jackson jumped back and lowered himself into pouncing position, Stiles stood frozen still, and Jackson quickly turned and started chasing his tail. He went in circles so fast Stiles grew dizzy from simply watching him, Jackson stopped and suddenly ran away.

When he came back Jackson had a giant rubber dodge ball in his jaws, he let it drop right at Stiles feet and sat, waiting. Stiles stared at his boyfriend who was now a wolf, his tail was wagging crazily side to side and Stiles had one second were he couldn’t believe his life before he lifted the drool covered ball and tossed it as hard as he could.

Of course it landed only a few feet away, Jackson didn’t even flinch; he just followed the balls trajectory until it hit the floor and rolled to a stop. Jackson then turned back to Stiles and stared at him with his electric blue eyes, before lying down and covering his eyes with his paw.

“Oh shut up,” said Stiles as he went to pick up the ball. Of course bending over was the wrong thing to do, Jackson’s nose was instantly _there_ and Stiles swears he jumped straight into the air. Jackson jumped away and hoped from side to side as his tail gave away how proud of himself he was.

“What the hell you ass! Stop it, get away,” Jackson stalked over to his mate and launched himself between his legs and then stood. Stiles clung to the huge wolf’s back as he ran into the forest at a full gallop.

 

 

Stiles didn’t know how long Jackson ran or how far. But when the wolf stopped out of breath and exhausted Stiles got to see the most beautiful thing he ever had in his life. He stood in front of a lake surrounded by a dense cover of trees. The moon hung high in the sky and reflected off the still waters, a slow cloud of mist hovered over the ground and glowed with refracted moon light. At the center of the expanse of water was a small island. Jackson walked up to edge and began to take laps at the still waters sending small rivulets of waves across its glassy surface. Stiles let his breath huff out of him and into the cold night air before he let himself fall on his ass. Jackson instantly wrapped himself around his mate and laid his head down on the boys lap.

They lay underneath the moon light for a long time, Stiles let his hands run through his boyfriends fur and wondered how he’d come to be where he was. Sometimes he wished that the werewolf’s of Beacon Hills had stayed away. But then he and Jackson wouldn’t be where they were now, and Stiles didn’t think he was selfless enough to let it go.

Jackson took them back home before sunrise. They entered the house and went into the living room. Jackson pointed at the fireplace and the bundle he’d left there. Stiles took a match to it and watched as it burst into flames. He laid thick pieces of wood on top of the flames and let the fire rise. He fell onto the rug in front of the fireplace and Jackson wrapped himself around him and they slept.

 

 

Stiles sighed and smiled when he felt hands rubbing his chest; they traveled down his body before they finally found his dick. Stiles bit his lip and the hands began to stroke him, he hardened quickly underneath the firm and gentle strokes. Stiles felt hot moist breath on his neck and the sharp sting of teeth that was instantly soothe with the warm press of tongue. That same moist muscles traveled down his pecs, over his abs, and soon Stiles felt moist heat as it huffed out over his exposed erection. Stiles felt the fast swipe of tongue across the tip of his dick, the mouth wrapped itself around his dick and sucked hard. Stiles moaned.

Stiles felt throat muscles messaging his dick all around, felt the slick slide of tongue along his length. He felt his balls as they were grabbed and massaged and then lifted. One of his knees was lifted as well before he was licked along his crack, it circled and teased his entrance and Stiles had to chew on his lip but couldn’t stop the loud moan he let out.  He was moved around, repositioned on his back and then Stiles felt lubed fingers enter him slowly; they were pulled out soon and quickly replaced with something firm and long. He was stretched and Stiles moaned and clung to whatever he could wrap his arms around. He was fucked slowly, too slow, Stiles’ entire body tingled and shivered but he didn’t complain he just let it happen. And before he knew it, he felt the rising pressure of his own orgasm as it tingled along his balls, up his shaft, his back, his body. Then he was pushed down and he felt himself stretch over a thick mound of flesh and then he was stuck. He came with a loud sigh that left him boneless and drooling.

Stiles slowly opened his eyes and looked into the brightest blue eyes he’d ever seen in his life. Jackson looked at him his eyes full of…affection, devotion, love, caring, everything Stiles had once refused to acknowledge, had once been so afraid of he’d denied it even existed and now…he let it wash over him, surround him, he accepted and he did his best to show it right back. They kissed slowly and didn’t pull away until they were out of breath.

“Good morning,” said Jackson and smiled at his mate with the widest grin the boy had ever seen.

“Morning,” said Stiles and stretched his limbs. He vaguely wondered how he had come to enjoy being knotted, he wondered how long it would last...He wondered when Jackson had taken off his clothes, especially without waking him. He moved around until he was comfortably sitting in Jackson’s lap and laid his head on the wolf’s shoulder. Jackson nuzzled him and Stiles nuzzled back, he felt as Jackson trailed kiss along his neck, his face, down over his shoulders. Stiles could feel his dick twitching and grow firm, Jackson chuckled and grasped his erection tight in his fist and slowly stroked him to orgasm, the entire time Stiles could feel Jackson’s heart beating against his chest, inside him, where the wolf was buried deep, Stiles felt ever spasm that followed each of Jackson’s orgasms and he swears he could feel them reflected in his own body, could feel their tingle throughout his limbs.

 

 

They ate a late lunch in the back yard as Jackson recreated Stiles’ pathetic throw, they both laughed hard each time and Stiles had to cover his face to hide his embarrassment. Jackson pulled Stiles’ hands away and chased the shame away with long possessive kisses.

“Was it okay?” asked Jackson, “Did I scare you?”

“Well I have to admit that at first I was terrified…but when I saw you and you licked my hand, well, I knew it was still you.”

“See the thing Scott and Derek don’t understand is that the wolf, the animal instincts inside us, they aren’t foreign, they’re still _us_. The reason they ‘lose control’ is because they refuse to acknowledge that the wolf is just them, the most base and animalistic side, it’s all id, they hate to admit that the things the wolf makes them do are things they _want_ to do and so they lose control, it takes over…If they just accepted it, they would never lose control…”

Stiles didn’t know what to say to that so he said nothing at all. It was true that Scott saw some of the things his wolf liked doing as disgusting, he said that if he gave in to them he would become an animal, but maybe refusing to act on them was making it worse. When Jackson felt like hunting he went hunting, and he ate whatever he caught, Scott would out right refuse and spend a week being super prissy and annoying, on the edge and on the verge of wolfing out on anyone unfortunate enough to get him angry, maybe Jackson was right, if Scott just gave into the urges they wouldn’t affect him as badly as they did. 

‘ _Speaking of Scott,’_ thought Stiles. He disentangled himself from Jackson and took a few steps forward and pulled out his cell phone, hit the first number in his contacts list and waited. The phone rang for over a minute before it finally went to voice mail. Stiles tried again.

“Hello, Scott?”

“Yeah…” was the quiet and reluctantly reply from the other side. “Where were you last night?”

“At Jackson’s”

“At Jackson’s? Why were you there, Stiles I thought…I know I haven’t been a good friend lately but I have a lot on my plate…and with the alphas out there I thought you’d at least show up yesterday, what if they were after you? What—“

“Scott, if I had been in trouble Jackson would have protected me.”

“That’s not even the point…we’ve always spent ever full moon together…”and for some reason Stiles felt guilty. “Is it true,” asked Scott, “what people have been saying…about you and Jackson.”

“What about me and Jackson…”

“That you two are fucking,” and suddenly Stiles didn’t feel guilty at all, he was pissed off.

“No that isn’t true Scott we’re not fucking,”

“Well good cause—“

“We’re dating,” and Stiles waited. Scott didn’t reply right away, Stiles could hear his heavy breathing on the other side of the line.

“I…why didn’t you tell me…”

“Well you haven’t really been around to tell.” Both boys were silent after that exchange.

“Stiles…I know we haven’t hung out like before, I’m sorry about that I really am, but I refuse to lose you to fucking Jackson, I won’t let him take you,”

“Don’t be stupid Scott. Jackson hasn’t ‘taken me away from you’, he’s…he’s my boyfriend we’re dating, we eat dinner together and go out to watch movies, we hold hands and kiss, we’re a couple, like you and Allison. The other stuff…it’s both our faults…”

“…I know. Do you think you’ll come over tonight,” Stiles sighed, he was between a rock and a hard place, he’d promised Jackson’s parents to watch the other boy and help him through the full moon, but he knew it wasn’t serious, he knew it was Jackson’s mom making fun of both of them. Scott was his best friend and they needed to reestablish that, tonight would be as good a night as any. “Fine, I’ll be over at Derek’s.”

“Cool,” and Scott hung up. Stiles turned and didn’t find Jackson. He entered the house and saw the boy standing in front of his fireplace, he was preparing another little fire bundle.

“Hey Jackson,” the wolf turned to look at him and smiled, “I was talking to Scott and he really wants me to spend the full moon with him tonight, and I guess I’m telling you that I’m going to spend the full moon with Scott tonight.” Stiles got to watch the smile disappear from Jackson’s face.

“Oh,” he said and turned away. He lifted his hand to scratch his nose.

“But you know we have all day and I thought—“

“You should go,” said Jackson suddenly.

“I thought—“

“I have a lot to do before tonight so,” Jackson walked Stiles to the door before shutting it and Stiles outside.

Jackson was pissed, they’d been dating long enough for Stiles to know when that happened. It wasn’t the same anger as before, well it was, but Jackson always pushed Stiles completely away before he could act on it. But over time things like this, like being asked to leave just because Stiles had somehow hurt his feelings, it started to hurt as much as it would if Jackson just yelled at him.

Stiles stood at the front door and debated whether or not to knock on the door and do…something. Instead he turned and walked away.

 

 

Scott had ordered pizza and rented some movies. Derek was there, and so was Isaac of course, he hadn’t expected Allison to be there but she was. They ended up watching movies all night long, he and Scott talked, about him and Jackson, about Allison, about being in relationships. Scott couldn’t believe that he and Jackson were a thing, he didn’t understand it but all Stiles had to say was the Jackson had said they were mates, and Scott believed him. Derek watched them for a long time before he asked.

“Why didn’t you bring Jackson?”

“I…don’t….know…I didn’t ask,” and Stiles felt like a dick, because he should have. The rest of the night was spent wondering what Jackson was doing, if he was alone, _‘he probably was since his only friend was Danny except they weren’t talking anymore.’_ Derek kept giving him…disappointed looks? Stiles couldn’t tell, maybe he just felt disappointed in himself.

He called Jackson but it of course went straight to voice mail. The night faded away and as the sun rose everyone filtered home. He ended up at Scott’s house were his best friend tried to get him out of his mood. It didn’t really work. But then Mellissa was up and she made pancakes and suddenly…well Stiles forgot about Jackson for the rest of the day. He and Scott went exploring through the woods, trying to find any alpha tracks and of course finding none. It was fun and stupid and Stiles almost fell over a cliff twice.

The sun set and Stiles went home and was surprised to find his dad there. They tried cooking dinner, they made meat sauce out of some frozen ground beef and mixed some cheese with herbs and then used noodles that they placed in casserole dish to make a sort of lasagna, they popped the whole thing in the oven and when they had finished the sky was dark.  

They sat and waited for their food to cook, they watched some cheesy Syfy made for TV movie when they smelled something. Stiles followed the smell back to the kitchen where he found the biggest cloud of smoke pouring out of the oven.

When the smoke cleared out of their kitchen and the fire had been put out they left in search of food. They ended up at a diner where Stiles order himself a burger and his dad a salad. They ate in relative silence that wasn’t broken until both had finished their meals.

“So what did Jackson do today,” asked the Sheriff at the same time Stiles took a long pull from his coke, most of the liquid ended up in his lungs while the rest was coughed out. The Sheriff pat his sons back as they boy tried to breath. Stiles didn’t know how it was possible for him to forget about his boyfriend all day.

He tried calling but it went straight to voice mail. He finished dinner and when he was done he told his dad that he’d actually made plans with Jackson for later that night. His dad gave him a look but mercifully let him go. Stiles drove quickly to the Whittemore household and found it completely dark. He stepped out of his car and looked out at the square house and the woods around it, everything seemed calm. He walked to the front door and looked through the glass window, it was dark inside and Stiles didn’t see anything. He tried the door knob and it was of course locked. He tried calling Jackson once more but got the same results.

Stiles walked around to the back and found the glass door in front of the pool open. He walked into the quite house and called out Jackson’s name but heard no reply. He walked into the kitchen and flipped on the lights. The place was immaculate, the marble shone as if it had been freshly polished, the sink was empty of all dishes. The only thing out of the ordinary was the pot on the stove, Stiles lifted the lid and found that it was just tea. He lifted the small flowers that were floating in the brown water and lifted them up to his face. He knew that small flowers, he’d become increasingly intimate with them after the whole deal with the werewolves, the tiny purple flowers floated in the still warm water and Stiles realized that this was the tea that Jackson was always drinking. Jackson was basically drinking poison…

Stiles walked out of the kitchen and down into the basement. He called out for Jackson but got no reply. He flipped on the lights and watched as they flickered to life. Everything in the basement had been pushed against the walls, in its center were the thickest chains Stiles had ever seen. He walked up to them and lifted them. They were heavy, he could barely lift one of them let alone two, he dropped them and heard their loud clanking echo in the small space. He noticed the manacles attached to them, they were coated in something dark red, it took Stiles several seconds to realize it was blood. It was still warm.

Stiles left the house and could feel anxiety leak into his limbs, he pushed past the fence in the backyard and plunged into the dark forest past the property line. Ha walked quickly and as he did his heart began to beat faster and faster. He didn’t know why but he was terrified, he needed to find Jackson.

He rushed through the underbrush of the cold dark woods, he fell several times and could feel blood leaking out of the small cuts on his hands, could feel wet mud cling to his pants legs and hands, felt its freezing coldness leech away his heat, leaving him a solid hunk of ice. He stopped when he heard a noise. He listened and, beyond the beating of his heart and the small breathes he was trying to keep quiet, heard a loud snap. He ducked and slowly walked forward on his hands and knees, he could hear the noises coming from beyond the bushes he was in. He crawled forward and slowly pushed the bushes a side and looked out into a clearing. There was a stag there, dead on its side. Stiles could smell the blood, he could see where the flesh and bone had been torn away to reveal the intestine. Standing above it was something horrifyingly grotesque. It looked like Peter had once, but worse, its flesh was covered in bites and scratches, there was no hair on its body just bald grey flesh. Its eyes were bright red and glowed with the power of an alpha but there was something wrong with it. Around its mouth was a thick covering of saliva that bubbled out from between its fangs which were caked with bits of flesh and running red with blood.

Stiles took a single step back and heard the thunderous sound of a twig snapping beneath his sneakers. He looked up and straight into the werewolf’s eyes before the beast charged towards him, Stiles took in small details, its horrid stench, like death, the flesh that was basically rotting of its bones and the shine of its claws and fangs, and as Stiles curled in on himself waiting for death, he heard the loudest roar he ever had in his life. The beast turned quickly, but not quick enough, Stiles felt the splash of blood as sprinkled across his face, he looked up and saw Jackson’s maw stained red, his claws were buried deep inside the beasts body. Jackson pulled them back and bite the beast around its neck and closed his jaws, Stiles watched as blood squirted out from between Jackson teeth, he heard the sound of the beast’s neck breaking, and Jackson let it drop, the wolf stretched its head back and howled high into the sky.

Jackson turned to Stiles and walked towards him, he bent forward, bowed, and Stiles didn’t understand for a second before he jumped onto Jackson’s back. They walked slowly back through the forest, they left the blood behind, the violence and death. Stiles clung to Jackson’s back with all his strength, buried his face into the wolf’s neck and just breathe in its animal scent. He didn’t cry, even though he desperately wanted to, instead he took comfort in knowing that Jackson had saved, like he said he always would. 

As they neared Jackson’s house the wolf heard a noise, he ducked and Stiles clung closer to Jackson’s body. They waited and watched as two shapes moved towards them, they were loud and Stiles swears…

               It was Isaac and Derek, the two werewolf’s walked right past them without having seen or heard them. Jackson followed them, he prowled and they both watched as the two others walked brusquely through the woods. Isaac looked like a child who was left in the care of an unknown adult, Derek looked angry…which was normal. When they reached a clearing Jackson slowly crawled as close to them as he could, he waited, the two stopped, maybe sensing…something. And suddenly Jackson jumped out of the bushes and howled, Isaac jumped straight up into the air, literally launched straight up and crashed into Derek, the two ended up on the floor desperately trying to right themselves.

               Jackson’s tail was wagging so hard Stiles could feel the breeze coming off of it. Jackson made the funniest noises, Stiles knew it was laughing but it almost sounded like howling or yipping.

               Derek righted himself and roared, his eyes red. Stiles burst out laughing, the guy had actually been startled, Derek looked at him and scowled deeper than Stiles thought was physically possible, he looked down at the wolf he was on. Jackson looked up at him and made his laughing noises some more before turning and running towards his house. Stiles could hear Derek yell at Isaac telling him to get up.

               Jackson jumped over a fence and ended up in his backyard, he bowed and Stiles slid off the wolf’s back. Together they walked back into Jackson’s house. Stiles went straight to the fire place and took a match to the fire bundle that had been left there. Stiles flinched when he heard a loud snap, he turned quickly and watched as Jackson’s bones broke and reshaped, they moved, his muscles moved and shrunk and in a short few minutes Jackson laid on the ground panting hard. But that passed faster than Stiles thought it would, he stood, as naked as the day he was born, grabbed Stiles by the wrist and pulled him up the stairs and into his room.

He sat Stiles on his bed and walked into his bathroom. He returned with a first aid kit and kneeled in front of Jackson, he brought out a wet washcloth and wiped it across Stiles’ face, washing off the blood the boy had there. Jackson worked slowly but meticulously, he didn’t want to leave a drop of blood behind.

“You okay,” asked Jackson.

“Yeah…I’m okay,” Stiles waited as Jackson ran his hands over his body, searching for any unseen wounds.

It was…awkward, Stiles could tell by the set of Jackson’s face, the tightness of his muscles.

“Jacks…I know your angry at me,”

“I’m not angry,” said Jackson, but the tone of his voice gave him away. He turned away and slammed the first aid kit shut.

“Jackson, we’ve date long enough for me to know when your angry, and I know you are, I just don’t know why,”

“I just can’t,” Jackson stopped, the muscles in his face changed, Stiles could see the way they sagged, “I know when we started this you didn’t want to…I know that you hated me before…and I guess I just hate knowing that in the long list of people who are important to you…it’s hard knowing I’m at the bottom of it.” Jackson stood and went into the bathroom. Stiles sat stunned, he shook his head and shot off the bed and entered the bathroom. Jackson had the water in the tub running and was currently filling the giant thing.

“Jackson you are not at the bottom of the list for me. Me and Scott have spent every full moon together and we haven’t been able to hang out lately, yesterday was just an excuse to get together…it was just one full moon…it wasn’t anything special—“

“It was to me!” shouted Jackson shocking the both. Jackson’s eyes were wide and full of confusion and hurt. Stiles was just shocked, he watched as Jackson sort of collapsed onto the edge of the tub and suddenly Stiles understood, it was like a flash that ran through his body. Yesterday was _their_ first full moon together; Jackson had shown Stiles something he had shown no one else except for Peter. He had shared the way his body changed, had taken him somewhere special and the next day Stiles left without a word or care, he hadn’t noticed what Jackson had done and in the process had ended up hurting him.

“Jacks…I’m not as good at this as I thought I would be…being in a relationship. I didn’t get it then, I get it now, I swear I do and I’m so sorry.” Stiles walked forward and tried to hold Jackson’s hand but the wolf kept pulling away. “I’m just a stupid kid who’s desperately trying to understand how to make you happy.”

“You’re not stupid,” responded Jackson, he let Stiles hold his hand and gripped it so tight it almost hurt.

“I was so scared today, when I came here and you weren’t home. That’s why I was out there, in the woods, I thought something had happened to you and it made me so scared,” Stiles heard the way his voice quivered, “I…don’t think I can lose you Jackson. Not to some monster in the woods or to something as stupid as a misunderstanding, I can’t, I just can’t, so I’m sorry.”

Jackson brought his head down until their foreheads touched, he pulled his mate tight against his body and just breathe in his scent. They were both too young and inexperienced to know how to handle things like these, misunderstandings, lost communication, the things that went unsaid and unheard, but both boys were willing to learn together.

 

 

They bathe in the hot scalding water, Stiles had his back against Jackson’s chest, the wolf kept rubbing his hands up and down his body, it actually felt pretty nice. Stiles felt calm, the night had been freezing and frantic, going running through the woods had been stupid, he’d caked mud all over his legs and hands which chilled him to the bone and seeing the monster had frozen him solid. Stiles knew it was a werewolf but something about it had been…off. He was lucky Jackson had been close, or following him, or whatever creepy thing Jackson did. He let the hot water wash away the dirt, the grim, and the rest of the blood and melted into the boy beneath him.

Jackson lathered them both with his expensive soap and shampoo, and in not much time the water was murky and their bodies were clean. Jackson stood and grabbed a towel, he held it up and Stiles stepped into it, Jackson wrapped him up tight, Stiles’ arms were trapped against his side, and Jackson kissed him deep. He walked the boy, trapped as he was, into his bedroom and then threw him on the bed. Jackson grabbed the tube of lube from his nightstand drawer and then laid on his bed next to Stiles, he passed the tube to the boy and waited. Stiles knew what to do, he stood and slicked up his fingers before running them down the center of Jackson’s ass. He circled the puckered entrance, left it shinning with lube before sinking one of his fingers in, then another.

Jackson growled, that usually meant he liked it, Stiles tapped Jackson hip, “turn around; I need to see your face.”

Jackson obliged and flipped over. He hooked one of his legs on Stiles’ shoulder and bent the other one up. Stiles held the wolf’s legs still as he lined himself up and then pushed, Jackson growled and Stiles groaned. He started slowly, he pushed through the hot tight muscle and then pulled back. It made his body tingle with lust, he felt it shot up his back, Stiles looked down and into the eyes of his mate and didn’t look away. While Stiles went slow, his orgasm came faster than he liked, he felt it start in his balls, a swelling that almost hurt, and when he was sure he would come, Jackson moved, pounced really. In a split second Stiles found himself on his back, he looked up wide eyed at Jackson who was smiling from ear to ear, growling deep in his chest.

Jackson grabbed the bottle of lube and coated his dick, he let a glob of the slick liquid pool on his fingers and then rubbed it into Stiles’ hole. Jackson lined himself up and looked straight into Stiles’ eyes as he pushed inside. And that was all Stiles needed, he came with a loud _‘FUCK’._

Jackson pumped, Stiles knew he was going to get knotted, his body was already preparing. His dick didn’t even go soft, it twitched back to life as he felt the push of Jackson’s knot against the rim of his hole, then all he felt was the stretching and the tingling sensation that spread through his body. Jackson stroked him to completion, Stiles came and coated the wolf’s hand with his seed.

Jackson held on to him, and together they waited, and kissed, they even talked. And not much later Jackson pulled out and Stiles turned around and laid his head on his mates chest and sighed.

“Jax, I’m sorry, I really am,” Stiles yawned, he could feel the pull of sleep as he lay safe in Jackson’s arms, “but we’ll be okay,” again he yawned and nuzzled his face into Jackson’s neck, “cause I love you…” Stiles didn’t notice the way Jackson’s heart skipped a beat, the way his eyes widened and his chest clenched.

“Yeah,” replied Jackson, “I love you too.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter up for your enjoyment.

               Jackson felt hot breath on his neck, the slow tingle of air as it moved through the small hairs that grew around his neck and down his back. It was comforting, soothing, it made him feel…not alone, as if for the first time in his life there was someone there for him, only for him, someone who might even…well it didn’t matter. The huff of breath heated his neck and then he felt, it—the breath, it always smelled, like bourbon and something else, like illness, rotting flesh clinging to brittle bones. He was paralyzed, his head, torso, arms, legs tied down with rough leather straps cinched tight with metal clasps. The table he laid on was cold, his skin stuck to the freezing surface that stank of antiseptic. He felt a touch, a caress up the side of his body, it trembled delicately as the rough tips of calloused fingers touched him from his hip all the way up to the pulse point in his neck. That same trail was retraced with the tip of something cold, something sharp, behind it a thin trial of warm blood oozed from the cut. Gerard loomed over him, the decrepit old man who took his freedom from him once he’d been liberated from Matt, when he’d wrung it, him, from the poor boys neck. Gerard pulled on a pair of white latex gloves, a disposable face mask, and a thick rubber apron. Jackson couldn’t move, couldn’t think, all he could do was feel, a victim to his own senses, physical sensations, the powerful scents, the taste of blood and vomit in his mouth…Gerard pulled a tray of tools to him, lifted something high in front of Jackson’s face, the scalpel glinted before it plunged to one of his shoulders, Gerard opened him there, a thick line that stretched from one shoulder down to his chest and back up the other shoulder. That line was stretched down from his collar bone, down the line of his stomach, the center of his abdominal muscles. Gerard grabbed his flesh and peeled it away, like the skin of a fruit, the flesh off a cow, exposed his muscles beneath, the bone. Jackson felt everything, the cuts, the air, the slick flow of blood out of his body and the loud rhythmic dripping filled his ears. “Now Jackson, this might sting a little,” said Gerard as he revved the motor on the bone saw and lowered it to his rib cage.

              

 

               “JACKSON,” yelled Stiles and he awoke fast and panting, he shot straight up and nearly bashed his head into Stiles’. He trembled violently; sweat bedded across his body, drying in the air and chilling him, reminding him of the chill of air on his exposed insides, his stomach rolled but thankfully didn’t spill. Stiles rubbed his back and looked on concerned while Jackson tried to catch the precious little air he needed to live. The dream was still vivid in his head…no it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory, another memory, of what had been done to him, while he was the kanima, no will, no life. He tried to swallow the saliva that pooled in his mouth in an attempt to push down the lump that was stuck in his esophagus.

               “Hey…you okay?”

               “Yeah,” said Jackson, “nightmare.”

               They stayed like that, Stiles’ arm rubbing soothing circles into Jackson back until he finally calmed down.

               “Do you want to talk about it,” asked Stiles and Jackson viciously shook his head ‘no’, he didn’t want Stiles to know about that, he didn’t need any more pity, or to expose Stiles fully to the true horror of what had been done to him. “Jackson, not talking about, whatever this is, isn’t something we can do…We work better when we’re honest with each other.”

               Jackson sighed loudly, and buried his head in the crook of Stiles’ neck. “What did you dream about?” asked Stiles once more.

Jackson responded, “Sometimes I remember…the things that happened when I was the kanima…”

“And what did you remember…”

Jackson shook his head, he couldn’t.

“You tell me when you’re ready right?” Jackson hugged Stiles close, chest to chest, he let his own heart settle into the same beat as his mate, and for Stiles that was answer enough, Jackson would tell him eventually.

They showered lazily and thoroughly, used Jackson’s expensive soaps that bubbled up before letting the warm water cascade over their bodies and wash them clean. Stiles hadn’t brought clothes and had to borrow some from Jackson. His underwear was tight and Jackson jeans didn’t fit him, they were too small, Stiles had to wear sweat pants, his shirts were surprisingly tight but fit Stiles fine. He looked like he was doing his best imitation of Jackson at the gym.

They slowly walked down the stairs, Jackson trying hard to push away the feelings his nightmares always seemed to bring with them, to fight against the pull of the black hole, the empty nothingness that tried to suck his life away, the only thing keeping him in place, alive, was Stiles’ hand firmly wrapped inside of his. When they reached the first floor and turned to the living room they were surprised by what they saw, Derek and Isaac sleeping on the floor. Isaac next to the fire that Stiles couldn’t remember whether he’d lit last night, Derek on the soft plush couch.

They weren’t asleep though, they were just waiting. Isaac stood when he heard them walking down the stairs, he opened his mouth to explain why they were there, or at least that was what Jackson thought he was attempting, but instead Isaac eyes locked onto Stiles’, his face turned progressively redder until he finally fled from the living room and out the back door. Derek looked surprised and maybe even a little amused.

               “Don’t mind him he’s…young, and you two are…loud.”

               Stiles didn’t think he’d ever wanted to die more, of course Jackson could only laugh, he didn’t care that they knew, or heard them making love—yeah that’s what he called it in his head—it was better they did, Stiles was _his_...

               “What are you two doing here? I mean after last night and all I get it, I mean did you hear it? Were you there? I don’t remember it happened so fast. The attack and all and that freaky looking wolf, and the blood and then Jackson saved me…”

               Derek stared at Stiles as the boy talked and Jackson looped an arm around his waist and pulled him close. It wasn’t that he needed to show off to Derek or anything, he just wasn’t ready to lose the comfort that Stiles always brought him. He looked up and straight into Derek’s eyes and wasn’t sure what he saw there, concern maybe, for once it wasn’t anger, which only served to confuse him more, Derek had never cared before, had only shown him anger, anything else meant...that something was wrong. But he wasn’t ready to deal with whatever shit Derek was preparing to drop on them. He didn’t want to deal with the real world or the fucked up supernatural bullshit, he didn’t want to deal with the alphas or anything at all, he just wanted to be with Stiles in peace.

               He walked into the kitchen and pulled open his fridge, Stiles talked in the background, Jackson wasn’t paying attention, he pulled out bread, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, slices of cooked chicken breast and some mayo. He began to layer the different ingredients into a basic sandwich. He could hear Stiles explaining the previous night to Derek, the sudden attack by that disgusting creature, Jackson saving the day like the hero he was, and finally—and this brought a small smile to Jackson’s face—the huge scare he had given Derek and Isaac. Jackson wrapped the sandwiches in parchment paper, six in total, he pulled out six water bottles and then went in search of something to put it all in.

               Stiles and Derek just stared as Jackson worked; they’d since stopped talking and were now standing concerned with Jackson’s behavior. He didn’t care, he found a back pack and loaded it full with the sandwiches and the water bottles, some random bags of chips he’d found and anything his rapidly working brain could process.

               “Jackson…what are you doing?”

“Making lunch,”

               “Okay…but, I mean why are you packing it?”

               “I want to get out of town for a while, I don’t feel safe here and I don’t want you alone here either…Just for the day, I need time, to process and think and I can’t do it here thinking that at any minute we’re going to get attacked by some ugly monster.”

               Stiles looked at Jackson and said, “Okay, we can do that, where did you want to go?”

               Jackson took a deep breath and smiled, “the beach.”

               Stiles huffed out a laugh but agreed, “I need to get home first to change into something different, so…pick me up in an hour.”

               Jackson shook his head in agreement. Stiles was walking past Derek when he stopped and turned, “Hey Derek…do you and Isaac want to…come…with us.” Jackson viciously shook his head ‘no’ behind Derek’s back and was beyond shocked when Derek said, “Sure, I’ll meet you guys at your house.” He walked out the back door and Jackson could hear him talking to Isaac before they walked back into the woods and god knew where from there.

               Jackson turned to Stiles and they stared at each other for a long time before Stiles said, “I swear to god he was supposed to say no, I didn’t think he’d _ever_ say yes, I’m sorry.”

               Jackson could do nothing else but laugh and shake his head, “It’s okay…go change, I’ll pack a few thing up and just head over to your place now.”

 

 

               Jackson watched as Stiles and Isaac ran around like two idiots, every time the water would touch their feet they would shout out in shock. The day was hot, it usually was down south away from Beacon Hills, but the waters were always freezing cold and no one seemed capable, or willing, to jump in. Derek sat next to him, he changed into something more beach friendly and it terrified Jackson to no end. The idea that Derek was a normal person, maybe. Derek showed off his tanned skin in shorts and a tank top, to top it all off he wore flip flops which just terrified Jackson. It was weird, in Beacon Hills Derek had _no_ skin color, here he looked like he spent several hours in a tanning bed.

               Stiles somehow got the upper hand and pushed Isaac hard, Derek and Jackson got to watch as Isaac crashed landed hard on the beach as a giant wave crested over his body, soaking him. He shouted and they laughed, he rose from the freezing waters, covered in sand and sea weed, trembling like a small Chihuahua. Stiles laughed and ran as Isaac pounced, they ran off away from them, Isaac trying hard to pull Stiles into the water while the other boy flailed and got away only to repeat the whole thing.

               Jackson sat awkwardly by Derek as the other two boys ran and played. The alpha sat perfectly still as Jackson grabbed fistfuls of sand and scattered it around him. Derek cleared his throat and Jackson wondered if it was possible for him to ignore it. But he didn’t want to fight and so he sighed and turned to face the older man. He raised his eyebrows in question.

               “I’ve been talking with Peter,”

               “Oh,”

               “Yeah…we’ve been talking…about the alphas and us, the pack…packs. We’ve decided that its best if we…stick together, if we—well Peter has decided to be my second in command, to be a second alpha to my…our pack. I was hoping that you’d—“ 

               “Is it going to be the same, as before.”

               “What,”

               “Are you going to treat me the way you always have, are you going to treat me like shit, scare me, am I going to be the one person you hate more than anyone else, the—“

               “I don’t hate you Jackson I just—I can’t stand looking at failures—“

               “Gee thanks, you know, fuck you Derek I can’t believe I thought—“

               “That’s not what I meant! Every time I see you I can’t believe how badly I let you down. When I said me and Peter talked it was more of an argument that ended up with us deciding it was best to stick together. He made me realize that I am the worst alpha I know, I thought I knew what I was doing and for the most part I do, but sometimes…There was a moment back then, when I first bite you, you were bleeding that black blood and I had a choice then, to help you or to run…but I was scared and I was new to being an alpha and had no idea how to help you…and so I ran. Everything that happened after that was my fault…and yesterday I found Boyd and Erica and…it hurt a lot more than I ever thought was possible…I thought that pain like that had left my body after my family was destroyed…but I guess I still had some left.”

               “How bad was it?” asked Jackson, he felt ice cold fingers trail up his back, he’d assumed that something bad had happened, but he hadn’t thought of those two, of what could have happened to them.

               “It wasn’t what I thought it would be. They looked…sick. There was vomit caked around their mouths, they smelled awful…I don’t…I don’t, I couldn’t tell what it was all I know is that they didn’t look like they’d been attacked.”

               They sat in silence and watched as Isaac was finally able to pull Stiles into the freezing water. They could hear him scream from where they sat and Stiles pulled Isaac in with him and jumped off his body to escape a cresting wave.

               “I don’t know why Derek, but all I ever wanted to do was make you…proud. When I got the bite I thought it would make me perfect, because to be anything less would mean that—I wanted to give my parents a reason to feel that they made the right choice when they adopted me, I wanted _them_ to be proud of me, to feel like they hadn’t made a mistake. After everything that happened I realized that it didn’t matter if I was the most horrible person on the planet, my parents would love me regardless…but I wanted someone to tell me that I’d changed that I—I wasn’t happy and sometimes I’d hoped that your bite had killed me, but Stiles has made me happier than I ever thought was possible and I no longer feel that I need anyone to acknowledge the things I do and tell me whether I did well…I guess what I’m trying to say is I can’t go back to the before, because I’m not the same person who would just let it happen. If you make me…I’ll kill you…but I’d rather not.”

               Derek’s eyes opened wide in surprise before he huffed out a laugh, “If you think you can take me...I guess that’s okay, I’ll treat you better pup, I promise.”

               It was Jackson’s turn to be surprised with Derek’s endearing term of affection, _pup_.

               Stiles ran towards them, dripping wet, a wide smile stretched across his face as Isaac chased him and tried to pull him back into the water. Jackson knew that it was his job to tell him that Erica and Boyd were dead, but the thought of making that smile disappear made him want to keep that information secret forever. He couldn’t, Jackson knew that, but he would tell him later, he wouldn’t darken this happy moment so soon. Stiles deserved to be happy, always, and Jackson realized at that moment that so did he. Stiles and Isaac panted in front of him, the sun shone down on them high and hot and Jackson could think of nothing else to do but pounce. He launched himself from where he sat and aimed straight for his mate. Stiles shouted as Jackson lifted him off his feet and made a run straight for the water. Stiles wrapped his arms around Jackson’s neck as he screamed and Jackson dove.

The water was cold, and most of it went up his nose, but Stiles was yelling and laughing and didn’t seem angry at all, he gripped Jackson tight and whooped as loud as he could. Jackson let him go and turned around and was instantly assaulted by barrage of splashes coming from Stiles. Jackson held his palm out, keeping the water out of his face, he kicked his legs and sent giant splashes of water cresting away from himself as Stiles tried to wade out of the water. Jackson ran forward and lifted Stiles over his head, his mate shouted and Jackson ran as he laughed.

               They played for a few more hours, they didn’t even feel time as it went on without them, they only noticed how late it was when the sun kissed the horizon. Derek drove Isaac home, Jackson and Stiles walked along the beach in silence, they held hands sometimes and sometimes Stiles would run ahead and pick small shells out of the wet sand.

               “So…what’s the bad news,” finally asked Stiles, “I mean Derek was nice and that’s….that’s never good.”

               Jackson debated whether or not telling Stiles but… “Erica and Boyd are dead. They got some…well sick, and well...”

               “Oh,” said Stiles, “well that sucks.”

               Jackson watched as Stiles tried to keep a strong front. They walked further along the shore, Jackson his eyes on Stiles as his façade slowly crumbled, and finally Stiles couldn’t stop the tears that slowly slipped out of his eyes.  

               “I didn’t know them,” he said suddenly, stopping them in front of the setting sun and crashing waves, “not really, but, I know I’ll regret not being able to get to.” Stiles crossed his arm over his face and took deep breathes, he didn’t want Jackson to watch him cry, he didn’t want to be made fun of, or ridiculed.

Jackson stood by and didn’t know what to do, he reached forward and grabbed Stiles’ arm and pulled it away from his face. He gripped Stiles’ face with both his hands and brought their foreheads together. He didn’t know what to say, or do, or how to react, he wrapped his arms around the boy and held him close and tight. He wanted to tell Stiles that he was there for him, that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt him or his family, that Erica and Boyd’s fates wouldn’t be their own, but he didn’t know how to express that, he didn’t know how to make Stiles happy, really happy, to stop the tears, the heavy breathing, he just wanted Stiles to be happy.

Jackson held Stiles and felt as the boy slowly melted into his body, his breathing evened out and his tears stopped. They walked back to the car in silence, Jackson held tightly to Stiles’ hand and neither of them wanted to let go, even for the ride home.

When they reached Stiles’ house Jackson walked his mate to the front door, his father was home and probably cooking a late dinner. Stiles turned to face Jackson and smiled slightly, while the news he’d received hadn’t been what he had expected or wanted to hear, he had to admit that spending time with Jackson had been nice, he’d actually felt better when he felt the warm press of Jackson’s forehead against his own, it made him feel like maybe, after everything that had and was happening, that he and Jackson might actually be alright.

“So, thanks for today, I mean I know yesterday was crazy and this morning was weird, but I really like spending time with you, even if Derek and Isaac are there. I—do you want to come in to have some dinner with me and my dad…”

Jackson smiled, “Yeah, sure.”

Inside, Stiles walked into the kitchen and greeted his father, the man was making chili, most of it was straight from the can, but he added more meat to it and some fresh beans and herbs. Jackson walked into kitchen shyly and smiled. The Sheriff took in the smile from his son and the blush from his boyfriend and understood, “So Jackson, joining us for dinner?”

 

 

The three men sat around the couch as they watched television and ate. Jackson had never done so in his life, he told them, to their complete and utter shock, Jackson’s family always had dinner at the table, most time in their best clothes, it was always a big affair. It hadn’t been until he got older and entered high school that they had stopped doing so, eating dinner in the full regalia at the massive table of theirs, mostly cause they were never home to actually have dinner anymore, they each ate when they could and would sometimes go days without seeing each other.

After dinner all three helped wash the dishes, the sheriff washed as Stiles dried and Jackson put the plates back where they went. It was oddly domestic for Jackson, his experience with washing dishes was sticking them in the washer and then pulling them out when he needed them, most of the time one of the housekeepers had already finished doing it.

They spent the rest of the night watching a movie in Stiles’ bedroom. Jackson doesn’t remember any of it. All he remembers was that Stiles had jumped onto his own bed and Jackson jumped after him. He ended up over his mate, he held himself up with his arms and looked down on Stiles who blushed, Jackson leaned down and kissed him before resting his entire body on top of his mates, he burrowed his head into the space between the boys head and neck and instantly fell asleep. He didn’t wake up till much later.

He slowly got off the bed before pulling the sheets out from beneath Stiles and covering him. Stiles was fast asleep and snoring lightly seemingly without a care in the world and didn’t wake when tucked in. Jackson slowly lifted his body off of Stiles before padding silently onto the floor. He stood and stretched his back which popped, and then yawned wide. He was still sleepy but something had woken him up, he wasn’t sure what it was...a feeling of unease that seemed to have crept over him as he slept. He walked to the window and looked out through the glass and sighed.

Jackson slid the boys window opened and took a deep breathe, he smelled the scents and tasted everything there was, nothing was out of place, everything was as it should have been. Jackson jumped down from the house and landed silently on the grass below. He stood and looked around, nothing moved except the branches in the wind and the small animals in the bushes. Jackson ran; he made a wide circle of Stiles’ house, paid close attention to the woods anything or person who might try and hide there. He stopped occasionally just to breathe and taste and scent the air before moving on.

He was done in fifteen minutes and hadn’t found anything, the night was peaceful, which was great. That last thing Jackson wanted to find was any signs from an alpha; he wasn’t ready for another encounter. Jackson took some time to run up his tree, the one he had used for so long to spy on his mate. He looked out over the woods and Stiles’ house, his neighbors and everything in the distance and saw nothing out of place. It was kind of weird, yesterday he was being attacked by some diseased monster and today he found out that two people he knew where no longer there, would never come back, and nothing around them had changed to show this difference, the world went on without any concern to the people who were no longer with them and that was so sad. Jackson hadn’t know those two, Erica and Boyd, he had never been friends with them and had never had interest in talking with them, but to know that they were dead, that no one knew yet, their parents, the rest of their families, it was just so…sad.

It reminded Jackson of his own life, the way _he_ saw it. Sometimes he wondered if his parents would miss him if he died. He thought not, for so long, he thought he could die and no one would care, the people around him always enforced this belief. But he knew now that his parents loved him, his death would have killed them as well. They were distant, but only because no one had thought how not to be, they treated him the way their parents had treated them and hoped that their love was known and sadly it hadn’t been. But it was now, they were getting better, all three of them…

Jackson made his way back to Stiles’ house, he leaped up and grabbed the window sill and pulled himself up and through the portal and into the warm room. Stiles turned, the sheets feel away and revealed his bare chest, his mate looked up at him with some concern on his face. Jackson closed and locked the window behind him, he turned and shed his shirt, dropped it on the ground in a heap, unzipped and unbuttoned his pants and let them fall off to the floor. Stiles scooted over and lifted the sheets; Jackson slid in and curled around Stiles, big spoon to Stiles small one. Jackson buried his face into Stiles’ soft fuzzy neck and sighed.

“Where’d you go,” whispered Stiles, the boy found Jackson’s hand and curled their fingers together.

“I just wanted to stake out the area, make sure there was no one watching us or something.”

“Hey Jackson,” Stiles squeezed his fingers, “I—I’m kind of scared…When everything started I have to admit that I, I kind of thought it was fun. It never felt dangerous, not with Scott, Peter had been crazy but we’d handled him easily. But then Gerard came and you were unstoppable as the kanima and suddenly I wasn’t as safe as I thought I was. Then Gerard kidnapped and beat the shit out of me and after…since, I’ve felt so scared that it’ll happen again, but this time I won’t make it back, they won’t show any mercy, and I’ll never see you or my dad again—and I can’t do that to him, I can’t go and die on my dad…” As Stiles spoke he squeezed Jackson’s hand and felt reassured each time Jackson squeezed back.

Stiles stopped talking and tried to ease some of the tension out of his muscles, Jackson ran his free hand up and down Stiles chest, it helped.

“Hey Stiles,” Jackson kissed the back of his mates neck and brushed his nose along the fuzzy cord of muscles, “I’m scared too. But I won’t let anyone hurt you, you know that. For the first time in a long time I think we’ll be okay. Derek and Peter have decided to call a truce and work together to handle the alphas and I actually think we’ll beat them. The rest will work itself out. As much as I…even—sometimes I wonder whether we’ll be still be together next month, year, I don’t know. But days like today make me feel like we’ll make it a lot farther than either of us think possible.”

“Are you sure…do you really think we’ll be okay?”

“Yeah,”

“Okay then,” Stiles folded his body into Jackson’s and decided he was ready to sleep.

 

 

Stiles felt the wet slid of tongue up the side of his neck, he felt the sharp bite of teeth behind his ear and an insistent hand the stroked up and down the length of his erection through the cotton of his tented boxers. He moaned, as wet dreams went, the one he was having felt _so_ real he was sure…

He opened his eyes and could see the orange light of the sun filtering in through the cracks in his curtains, and yet the hand on his bulge didn’t vanish, neither did the tongue that was currently laving at his ear, making him shiver. He reached down to pull the hand away and found himself pushing against it, increasing the friction, he could practically feel the smirk on Jackson’s face and the pride he seemed to exude in being able to turn Stiles on so easily.

“Jackson,” Stiles whispered, “I can’t, my dad,” Stiles was cut off when Jackson nibbled along the side of his neck, making Stiles bite his lip. Jackson sucked on the same spot, one hand traveled up Stiles’ body while the other continued to palm along the boys dick. Stiles could feel the wet spot that was quickly spreading along his boxers.

“Jackson, no, not when my dad is here,” he was not going to risk getting caught having sex with his boyfriend, no way in hell. But Jackson was persistent and…skilled…as fuck.

It didn’t take Jackson long to shimmy Stiles’ underwear down his thighs. He gripped the smooth flesh of Stiles’ dick and began to stroke. He ran his own cloth covered erection between Stiles’ crack and never stopped nibbling on his mates neck. Stiles couldn’t help humming at the amazing feelings that he was experiencing, the best way to wake up.

But he soon felt himself reaching the point of no return, Jackson pulled him back until he was lying flat on his back and suddenly Jackson was straddling his hips. He smiled down at the boy, hair sleep messed, before grinding their hips together.

Stiles sat up, and stopped the movement of Jackson’s hips, it was too much, the sight, the feeling, the oh-so-good friction. Jackson actually chuckled before pushing Stiles back down onto his back.

Jackson slid down the boy’s torso before bending down and taking Stiles’ dick into his mouth. Stiles moaned and tried to swallow the noise down but it was too late, he hoped with all his might that his dad was dead to the world, sleeping like a log. Jackson sucked and slurped and Stiles didn’t care how loud _that_ noise was, it felt amazing, made his back arch in pure pleasure. Jackson bobbed up and down and massaged the hard flesh with his tongue and before either of them knew it Stiles was fisting his hands, curling his toes, and moaning as he came and Jackson swallowed, best morning ever.

Jackson bite down on the flesh at Stiles’ hip, he kissed Stiles right above the belly button before trailing up to his collar bone and then over the boys lips. In the back of his head Stiles thought ‘gross’, but the kiss was good and helped bring him back down from his orgasm. He felt Jackson’s bulge brush against his abs and knew that he had to take care of that, it was only fair, right.

He pulled on Jackson’s shoulder and ignored his confused expression before Jackson finally let himself fall onto his back. Stiles was nervous, but even so he pulled on Jackson’s underwear until he could get them all the way off.

“You…you don’t have to you know…I don’t—“

“I want to.”

Stiles looked down at Jackson’s dick, took a deep breath and reached out and stroked it, before bending over and licking a wet strip up from its base to its tip. Jackson’s entire body shuddered, which made Stiles smile. He was surprised by how it tasted, like nothing really, just skin. There was a smell there, nothing bad, barely perceptible. Stiles wrapped his lips around the tip and sucked, he slid his tongue along its underside before swooping it around.

“ _Fuck”_ , whatever he was doing Jackson really seemed to like it.

 Stiles tried to take Jackson to the root but gagged almost instantly. He didn’t know how Jackson did it, apparently deep throating wasn’t as easy as Jackson made it seem, Stiles pulled off and took a few deep breathes before plunge back down. Stiles settled with swirling his tongue around the tip of Jackson’s dick and sucking as hard as he could.

 He felt Jackson hands grip his shoulders and then slid up to his neck. Stiles wasn’t sure how long he was sucking, but he did become suddenly aware of Jackson’s dick as it grew harder and harder, and finally he actually felt the way Jackson’s balls pulled tight against his body, Jackson’s hand pushed against his forehead, but Stiles was curious, of course he was. So he sucked hard, and Jackson grit his teeth and then let out a deep moan along with a load of come. Stiles swallowed most of it down, but he let the rest fall out of his mouth and back down onto Jackson, it tasted...Well Stiles didn’t like it.

He looked up at Jackson, whose face was flushed red, Jackson chuckled and reached up and swiped his thumb along his chin. Stiles realized he’d let a lot of come fall out of his mouth and down his face. Jackson rubbed his hand against Stiles’ shoulder, rubbed his come off on the boys skin before wrapping his arms around him and wrapping them both up in the sheets.

 

 

Stiles didn’t know when they fell asleep until he was shocked out of by a loud banging on his door.

“Stiles, you up yet?”

His dad, he groaned and buried his head into Jackson’s neck, “yes,” he answered.

“You want pancakes,” asked his father and of course Stiles responded,

“yes of course I want pancakes.”

“Does _Jackson_ want pancakes,” _‘oh shit’_ thought Stiles.

“Yes,” responded Jackson, and Stiles groaned.

He heard his father walk down stairs and start to rummage through the kitchen getting breakfast ready.

Jackson smiles at him and waggled his eyebrows, “Oh shut up and let’s take a shower.”

Jackson kissed him and leaped out of the bed as naked as the day he was born and opened the door to Stiles’ room and walked into the bath room. Stiles groaned as he heard the shower come on and hoped Jackson’s clothes were clean enough for him to put back on, he wondered how long it would take his dad to make pancakes. Stiles decided to join Jackson in the shower, and hoped his father didn’t get the crazy idea to come check on them.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well finally here's the next chapter. I'm going to try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible and as a warning I might end this fic there. Well this part, i already have my ideas ready for the second part. Anyways, thanks for reading, enjoy, comment, if not how will i know if anyone is reading?...

               Jackson was fast asleep, snoring lightly, every little while he would stop to take a deep lungful of air, a breath, before releasing it in one long sigh. Stiles for his part had been watching him long enough to notice this pattern, but much to his horror, found it completely utterly adorable, cute even. Sometimes he was surprised to find how much had changed, in his life, specifically between him and Jackson, who at that instant giggled for no apparent reason, sending a rush of giddiness through Stiles.

               Stiles sighed and allowed his head to fall back against the goose downed pillows that sat on Jackson’s expensive bed. He’d been called over to discuss Jackson’s try-out, he’d driven all the way down to Los Angeles to take part of and apparently the whole thing had exhausted him, and now Stiles was stuck beneath Jackson until he loosened his death grip on him or at least rolled over.

Every day high school was closer and closer to ending and he and Jackson had been discussing what school they would be attending…together. Yes, it was the ultimate ‘couple’ thing to do, but unlike other people—the names Scott and Allison flashed in his mind—he and Jackson were actually capable of attending the same school since they both had great grades and Jackson had the whole ‘captain of ever team’ thing going on and the extracurriculars he did outside of school, Stiles couldn’t keep track of it all, as long as it didn’t interfere with his Jackson time he was fine with it.

Jackson had driven down to compete in a try out for USC’s lacrosse team, and it was a competition Jackson was sure he’d won. But he’d been exhausted and hadn’t showered at the school and instead decided to make the long drive back home as fast as possible. Jackson had tried telling Stiles how everything had gone, but he’d ended up knocking out before even starting his story. Stiles hadn’t bothered trying to wake him up or encourage him to stay awake, Stiles had been with Jackson long enough to know when he was exhausted, he let him sleep. Stiles ran his hand through Jackson’s hair and felt himself being pulled towards sleep along with Jackson, he thought it was probably a good idea to leave, but thought and action were two completely different things and Stiles would rather stay beneath Jackson than go home to an empty house. So he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off into sleep.

They were both shocked out of sleep by the slamming of a car door. Jackson rolled off of Stiles and blinked his eyes a few time before bringing his hand up to massage them. Stiles stretched and felt his back pop, he sighed, and Jackson looked at him before groaning off of his bed and undressing, Stiles didn’t pretend not to stare, it wasn’t as if Jackson wasn’t blatantly showing off and its wasn’t like he didn’t like it. Jackson walked into his bathroom and the sound of rushing water followed quickly.

Stiles busied himself on Jackson’s laptop, he trolled social sites and some blogs, and ended up rereading his early admissions letter from USC…So, he hadn’t told Jackson yet, but in his defense he’d only just received the email that morning. It didn’t really matter to him, well it did, his dad really wanted him to go, but Stiles would be just as happy going to some community college…as long…as Jackson was there. That thought scared him.

He closed the email and logged off of his screen name, he opened another tab and went to the university’s home page and took a virtual tour of its campus. It was what he’d expected, a lot of red brick, some ivy, and students outside sitting on some random lawn pretending they were having the time of their lives when they were in reality freaking out over some final they hadn’t bothered studying for because they’d decided to get drunk the night before. Stiles really wanted to go, but he didn’t want to leave his boyfriend behind, he wouldn’t be, but there was always that chance, that small little chance that for some reason they wouldn’t let Jackson in and so Stiles would have to make other plans…which was stupid, ridicules, who did that, who changed their entire future in order to be closer to someone they were dating, that was what dumb people did…or maybe just people in love.

Stiles wondered if this was what Jackson had first felt for him, when he’d basically imprinted on Stiles on first scent. Had Jackson suffered through some strange desire to be with him, had he kept away, watched from afar, because he thought that he would somehow hurt him? Stiles didn’t like to think about that, about the before, it was unhealthy but necessary. Did Jackson suffer thinking that he would never have him, that they would never be together because Stiles hated him, and for a while Stiles had hated him, when he thought of the reasons why Jackson became the Kanima…though he really didn’t have a right to be angry since he didn’t really know why Jackson wanted the bite, and the reason Jackson became the kanima was kind of sad—and okay so Stiles thought too much about his relationship but it was scary _._ The lengths he would go to protect the guy, to be with him…

Jackson walked out of the bathroom in his underwear and jumped on the bed right next to Stiles, gave him his sexy look, his come hither stare, which made Stiles smile and roll his eyes. Jackson laughed and jumped off the bed, he dressed and Stiles checked his email again but there was nothing new.

“So, what are we doing tonight? It’s kind of late…” asked Jackson, Stiles didn’t really know. He shrugged and Jackson rolled his eyes, “You always do this to me, I ask you what you want to do and you never say anything. But when I come up with something and we go do it, all you do is complain.”

Stiles yawned, “I don’t really feel like doing anything today. I think I’ll just go home…” Stiles didn’t like keeping secrets form Jackson, and knowing that he’d already been accepted to the college they were both hoping to go to, together, was kind of stressful. Jackson looked disappointed but didn’t argue the point.

Stiles lay in his bed later that night and thought of his future. He still didn’t know what he wanted to do, he thought maybe a policemen like his father, or something more, something like an FBI agent, all he knew was that he liked doing research; he liked solving mysterious and why not help put bad people away while he was at it. He wasn’t sure how Jackson fit into that picture, not that Stiles didn’t want him there, it was just…Stiles didn’t know where he wanted his life to go and he wasn’t sure Jackson was willing to go with him and something in the back of him mind screamed for his attention but Stiles didn’t know what it was or meant, but left feeling strange, maybe even a little afraid.

That was stupid, the future was just that, away, not yet. But being accepted to a college that was so far from home, having to think of what classes to take for some major he had to choose and then four years later it was over and he was expected to go on alone, no one had prepared him for how terrifying that was. But Jackson was willing to go with him…to college at least, after that they would just have to see.

 

 

Jackson cut through the water in one smooth motion, like a torpedo, from one end of the pool to the other. Somewhere above him he knew there was cheering, he knew his parents sat in the stands along with Stiles who probably forced Scott to come with him. But none of that mattered to him, all he knew was that he had to get his body from one side of the pool to the other as fast as he could. And he did just that, his muscles burned and strained but Jackson loved the feeling, loved to push his body to its limit until he could no longer take it. As he broke through the surface he gulped in a lung full of air and then he was under again and in a few second it was all over. He rose out of the water and was assaulted by the loud cheer of the crowd, he wasn’t sure what was going on until someone wrapped a towel around his shoulder and cheered, he could see the other kids rising out of the pool after him and Jackson knew then that he’d won. He hadn’t expected not to.

His eyes burned from the chlorine in the pool and he really couldn’t see. He was pushed forward as the other members of his team came to cheer him on. He looked up at the stands and all he could make out where the grayish blur of people he couldn’t recognize. He took a lungful of air through his nose and he smelled it then, Stiles, mate. He relaxed then, used the corner of the towel to wipe at his eyes and hopefully ease the chlorine burn. He was pushed into the locker room and behind him everyone cheered on, his name on everyone’s lips. This was his last meet of the year, the last time he would ever be in the limelight of Beacon Hills, the last time he would hear his name as it was screamed out by the people in the stands, people who had gone out of their way to see him, to cheer for _him._ He wasn’t prepared for how sad that idea made him. Jackson had changed enough not to _need_ the adoration and the attention, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want it.

Jackson showered slowly; others seemed to sense that there was something off with him and decided to give him space. He scrubbed methodically as the water pelted him with hard warm drops, Jackson didn’t want to go out there, to hear people congratulate him, to look him in the eyes and smile for the last time. The only time people seemed to like him was when he was winning, that wasn’t a lie, it was a truth Jackson had become accustomed to. He’d spent almost all his time in high school trying to get people to like him the only way he knew how, well, other than having to change who he was, being a winner was easier, to him at least.

He left the showers and was surprised to find that everyone was gone. He tied a towel around his waist and used another one to scrub his hair dry. He dressed slowly and after did something that he never thought would cause so many tumultuous emotions, he cleaned out his locker. He took old dirty shirts and tossed them into a garbage bin, packed his favorite into his bag along with some good shorts and his shoes. In the back, wedged in the corner, was his lacrosse stick, there were a few balls rolling around the bottom of his locker that Jackson threw into his bag before bringing the stick out and letting it lean against the locker. They had never meant anything to him before, his jerseys, the stupid stick, the many replaceable balls that came three in a pack, but it all seemed different now. Each item held some lost memory, a piece of the past that, as he tossed them in his bag, seemed to evaporate, and the saddest realization for Jackson was that it all meant absolutely nothing. None of it had mattered, he wasn’t liked, or admired, and after today he wouldn’t be remembered or thought of again and the pain it caused him was like a knife in the gut.

He had to sit and breathe and wasn’t sure how he would go on, why had he done any of it? Jackson didn’t know. Why had he tried to so hard to get something from people when all of it was so…impermanent, transitory. He wished the younger version of himself—the person who, at the age of six, learned that he wasn’t who he thought he was and had no idea how he fit into his own life anymore—Jackson wished he’d known the truth. He still wasn’t sure he knew, but at least he knew what type of person he wanted to be, at least he had goals that he wanted to achieve, it was enough for him now, he wished it had been enough for him _then,_ in the past. So much wasted time, so many opportunities missed because he was too busy trying to get adoration from people who he didn’t even know and all for nothing, it had all been so empty.

Jackson hated thinking about all the ways he wasn’t perfect, he hated remembering all his mistakes, but he wouldn’t let them destroy him, he was in fact better than that. But as he sat in the empty locker room thinking back on the type of person he was, well, it was pathetic. He could see why someone like Derek would hate him, why everyone around him seemed to. It actually made him laugh, because even though he regretted most of, Jackson wasn’t really sure he wanted to change any of it, he was who he was, he just wished he knew not to take it so seriously, not to let it destroy him the way it had. But he hadn’t and Jackson wasn’t sure how other people did it, went on with their lives like usual, because he wasn’t sure he had learned how, even after everything Jackson didn’t know how not to crumble beneath the realization that he was in fact human, not perfect, normal.

 

 

Stiles waited, he and Scott watched as the swimming pool emptied out, one person at a time until it was just him, Scott, and Jackson’s parents sitting on the stands. They weren’t too far, Stiles didn’t know what they were saying but they seemed happy. Stiles remembered that a few months ago Jackson’s parents would never have bothered to show up to one of Jackson’s games, Stiles was glad that their child’s near death had changed them. As a child Stiles had always been afraid of the Whittemore’s, especially considering the way people talked about them, as if they controlled everyone’s lives. But knowing them now, he knew they were just normal people…normal super rich people that had more pull in the city than anyone had any right to have…but basically normal people…well they were nice, at least to him. Regardless, Stiles was glad they were there.

He looked around the room and Scott caught his eye and gave him his annoyed ‘let’s get out of here’ look. But Stiles wanted to see Jackson first, celebrate the last win of his high school career. But after half an hour passed and Jackson still hadn’t shown up, he got worried.

“Dude, we’ve been waiting forever. Just text him and let’s get out here, we were supposed to meet Isaac and the pack at the pizza place like ten minutes ago. Come on,” Scott whined, Stiles ignored. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket but he had no new messages. It pissed him off, ‘ _where the fuck was Jackson’_. He got off the bleachers and ignored Scott’s question and headed into the locker.

“Jackson…” he called, but no one answered. Stiles hated visiting the locker room when it was empty. Nothing good ever happened when he found anything empty of people, especially with all the supernatural bullshit that filled his life. He walked slowly and ignored the creepy dripping sounds coming from the showers and the strange loud hum of the air conditioner as whirred. It smelled, of course it did, it was a boys locker, but the chlorine smell mixed with the damp showers was awful. He crept around the lockers and grew progressively more frightened as he found no one. He finally reached Jackson’s locker but the boy was nowhere to be seen. He huffed in frustration, ‘ _where the fuck was Jackson!’_ He walked towards the open locker and found Jackson’s bag full of old gym clothes and other stuff. He turned and felt his leg knock over Jackson’s lacrosse stick, it rolled loudly in a half circle and ended up beneath the bench, Stiles looked around, for some reason he was incredibly on edge, he bent over to pick it up.

Stiles screamed when he felt arms wrap around his torso and lift him off the ground. Maniacal laughter filled his ears as he tried to wheeze in a deep breath.

“What the fuck Jackson! Seriously!”

Jackson didn’t respond he just laughed on and Stiles punched him in the arm as hard as he could three times before Jackson pounced on him again. Wrapped him up tight in his arms, chest to chest, and kissed him. Stiles groaned in annoyance but kissed Jackson back. He wasn’t released, Jackson just held him and pressed their foreheads together. Finally, Jackson sighed and let Stiles go before turning and closing his now empty locker. He lifted the lacrosse stick from where it fell on the floor and pushed it into his gym bag.

“You okay,” asked Stiles. He didn’t know why but he felt like there was something wrong with Jackson.

“I’m okay,” said Jackson a somewhat sad look on his face.  He slung his arm around Stiles’ shoulder and together they walked out of the locker room.

Jackson’s parents greeted them from the bleachers. Jackson went off to talk them and Stiles walked back towards Scott.

“So are we going or what,” asked Scott completely annoying an already annoyed Stiles.

“Just go. I’ll meet you there later,”

“But you said we were going together…”

“Just go!” Scott held his hands up in defeat and slowly backed away until he turned and left the swimming pool.

Stiles turned back towards Jackson just as the boy kissed his parents on the cheeks, they said goodbye and walked away.

They ended up at some cliff. The view was incredible, it stretched over the forest and at the edge they could see where the trees disappeared and the city buildings stretched up past the tree line marring what otherwise would have been a breath taking vista. They lay on the hood of Jackson’s car and stared up at the sky. The sun had already set but the sky was still painted orange and the clouds shone bright yellow. It was nice; Stiles kept casting glancing at Jackson who, while never talkative, was especially quite that night.

“You okay,” asked Stiles, he turned on his side to look at Jackson. Stiles waited, Jackson didn’t respond immediately, he stared up at the sky and then let out a giant sigh. He slowly turned to look at Stiles, Jackson wanted to reach out and grab Stiles’ hand, pull him close and just hold him.

“I don’t know…I feel…like maybe I wasted all my time, I know I did, but I just never realized how,” and Jackson couldn’t keep himself from laughing, “how nostalgic it would all make me feel. It’s kind of scary to think that we’ll never be as carefree and I wasted all my time _not_ being carefree. And when I think of myself as an adult…well I don’t see myself having fun.”

Stiles wasn’t sure what to say, “I don’t know…it is scary but I always thought that as long as you find a job that makes you happy it wouldn’t…I don’t know, be that stressful, make you want to die.”

Jackson looked Stiles in the eyes and said, “I don’t know if there’s anything out there that I like…it used to be lacrosse, writing, but it all started meaning something else and I nearly killed myself trying to be the best that I could…I just…I can’t see myself doing all that and having a family…kids…I wouldn’t want them to suffer.”

“Well maybe don’t be perfect,” said Stiles as he reached out to grip one of Jackson’s hands, “just be the best that you know how, anymore is literally impossible.”

Jackson smiled, “I don’t know how _not_ to be perfect.” Stiles rolled his eyes, but they laughed and Jackson pulled Stiles until he was straddling Jackson’s hips and they kissed. Stiles made sure to put enough pressure on the space between them where the most sensitive parts of their bodies were perking up with interest. A roll of the hips and bite on the lips had Jackson growling and Stiles smiling, electric blue eyes meet his, but that wasn’t the time or the place. Stiles rolled off of Jackson and both boys readjusted themselves before heading back into the car.

“So I told Scott we’d meet up with him and the pack at the pizza parlor.”

“Alright,” said Jackson as he pulled at the crotch of his jeans and Stiles couldn’t keep the smug smile off his face.

 

 

               It was a trap; one Stiles would never have in a million years thought that his friend, his best friend in the whole world, would ever set for him. He sat on one side of the table next to Jackson, across from them sat Scott, who would do anything he could to avoid making eye contact with him, next to him sat Allison. The last thing Stiles expected was a surprise double date. He would literally kill Scott when they got out of there, until then he was content with shoving bread sticks in his mouth and chewing as annoyingly as he could, which according to Jackson meant he was just chewing normally.

               For his part Jackson sat next to Stiles being so charming it actually made Stiles angry and, not surprisingly, Scott jealous. He and Allison were chatting it up as if nothing were amiss; it always kind of bothered him that Jackson and Allison were friends, good friends. He wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t make him jealous, but Jackson would never cheat on him, it was one of the things about Jackson that Stiles didn’t get, one of the many rules Jackson seemed to constrict his life to, being loyal, monogamous.

               He sighed and Jackson and Allison chatted and ignored both him and Scott. When they’re pizza arrived the group dynamics seemed to change. They sat back and grabbed slices and they ate, Stiles snatched the parmesan off the table before anyone else and poured a massive amount over his slices, Jackson just looked at him and proceeded to ignore what he was doing. Scott did the same to his slices and Allison rolled her eyes.

               “Anyways,” Allison took a bite from her pizza before responding, “Where did you apply to? I did UCLA, UC Berkley, and my dad wanted me to apply to Mount Saint Mary’s”

               “Is your dad even okay with you going so far, then again I’m sure the idea of his only daughter attending an all-girls school is probably like a god send to him”

               “I think every day he comes around to the idea more and more.”

               Stiles sighed, he didn’t need to be a genius to know why. Scott looked heartbroken as Allison spoke about all the schools his girlfriend had applied to. Stiles wasn’t sure why though, he chewed on his now too cheesy pizza and glared at Scott who was staring at Allison as if she could somehow protect him from the hell Stiles was going to bring down upon his head.

               “Well, me and Stiles applied to USC,” said Jackson and Stiles couldn’t really believe he just revealed their big secret. Jackson and Allison chatted on about all the things they could do together if they were both in Los Angeles. Stiles realized then that to Jackson, them going away together wasn’t a secret, wasn’t anything special, it was…expected. Scott looked at him and Stiles instantly glared, Scott looked away.

               Whenever Scott tried to take part of the conversation Jackson would shut him out. It was actually pretty funny. It was weird, Jackson had never liked Scott, even after everything that had happened Jackson was still kind of an ass to him. Little did Stiles know that the only reason Jackson continued to be an ass to Scott was because he found it funny.

               “Anyways, excuse me,” Allison went to the bathroom and Stiles grabbed a handful of breadsticks and tossed at Scotts head. Scott tried dodging but all he ended up doing was knocking his soda over and spilling it onto his crotch. Even after becoming a wolf Scott seemed to have the grace of a drunken toddler.

               “I can’t fucking believe you’d do this to me Scott—“

               “It’s not like I wanted to do this either, but Allison wasn’t sure whether you guys were dating or not, I mean no one really knows if Jackson is just fucking you or if you guys are actually committed, and she bet me a hundred bucks you guys were in fact dating so—“ the parmesan cheese shaker hitting the side of his head shut Scott up, he looked at Stiles who was red in the face with anger and annoyance, Jackson had the smuggest look on his face.

               Allison came back to a silent table, she wondered why Scott was rubbing the side of his head and why Jackson looked so sad.

               “What happened…”

               “Nothing Scott just finished telling Stiles how disappointed he was that he was dating me, that I wasn’t good enough for him that we…that we would never have what you two have…” Jackson looked away with a pained expression on his face.  Allison instantly lifted her hand and smacked Scott upside the head.

               “Scott what is your problem!” Scott covered his head as Allison smacked him around and continued her barrage of mean words, all Scott got to see was the small smile that was covering Jackson’s face and he couldn’t believe he’d just fallen into one of Jackson’s manipulative traps. Scott tried explaining himself but Allison was having none of it, it ended with her leaving the restaurant in a huff and Scott chasing after her.

               Stiles was stunned, he knew Jackson was manipulative but…damn…

 

 

               Their last stop before home was and ice cream shop. Stiles wanted dessert, Jackson said Stiles had eaten enough for three people and didn’t need ice cream, he’d get fat. Which is why Stiles not only had ice cream but three scopes of them piled high on a cone, he ate it with a smile. They slowly walked back towards Stiles’ jeep licking away at their ice cream, or in Jackson’s case, frozen yogurt.

               “So,” started Jackson, “why do people think we aren’t dating…I mean I don’t get it,” Stiles shrugged.

               “Maybe they think you’re straight, or that we’re just friends, or I don’t know a million different things Jackson.”

               “No,” Jackson stopped, “why does Scott not know we’re dating.”

               Stiles shrugged, but he couldn’t keep the burn of shame off his face. Jackson didn’t push the issue, but Stiles didn’t have to be a genius to guess all the self- depreciating things Jackson was probably thinking. Stiles didn’t know why he didn’t tell Scott, or for that matter, anyone. He just didn’t feel like it was anyone’s business.

               Stiles drove back to Jackson’s house in silence. He didn’t know what he could possibly say to justify his reasons for not letting people know. Stiles didn’t feel like he needed to justify anything, if he didn’t want to tell anyone…well that was his business. Stiles drove slowly around the many turns that lead high up the hills of Beacon Hills. He finally reached Jackson’s dark lonely house, it sat by itself at the top of a hill, if you followed the hill down it would lead to another street full of low house, one of which was Isaac’s. But this late at night, as dark as it was, it seemed like Jackson’s house was the only one for miles, a small house surrounded by tall trees that helped it feel more rural than it actually was.

               “You’re not mad are you, that I never told Scott we were ‘official’, dating…”

               “No,”

               “Then what’s wrong, why are you so sad?”

               “I just…I guess I don’t really know…” Stiles turned to Jackson and was surprised to see the amount of pain that was showing on his face, Stiles had no idea where it had all come from, neither did Jackson.

               Stiles ended up curled up on Jackson’s bed, head rested on the others chest. The house was empty, like usual Jackson’s parents were busy somewhere else, Stiles was grateful they at least came to watch Jackson’s last meet. Jackson wasn’t talking, which was one of the worst things about him, that he didn’t know how to share his feelings, he didn’t understand them completely and rather than trying to explain he kept silent and suffered. But he had Stiles now and the boy would slowly help him coax them out, helped him deal.

               But today was different, today they remained silent and instead took comfort in the physical contact they shared. They started out cuddling, pressing their bodies as close together as they could, pulling against each other’s clothes until they were stretched and wrinkled, Jackson rubbed his face against any part of Stiles he could touch, he needed his scent, on Stiles, and Stiles’ own on him. Then the kissing started long and passionate, wet and sometimes even painful, tooth against lip, stubble scraped against smooth skin leaving it raw and red. Stiles’ tongue tasted like ice cream, strawberries and chocolate blended together creating something that was entirely Stiles, Jackson tasted like rainbow sherbet, like a concoction of fruits mixed together into something too sweet but so addicting Stiles didn’t it want it to end. Hands roamed and pulled against cloth until it began to disappear, shirts came off, exposing lean muscles and pale flesh, Jackson kissed down Stiles’ chin, his neck, and bite the space where shoulders met neck, Stiles groaned out his mixture of pain and pleasure. Next the pants came off pulled without coordination until both were left nude and panting with some animal want neither of them understood, that neither of them were capable of controlling. Jackson slurped Stiles into his mouth, hard cock pressed against his tongue, filling Jackson mouth with the flavor he had come to understand as sex, as the pure flavor of _sex,_ of Stiles. Pre-come oozed slowly out of the thin slit and Jackson swallowed it down, sweet syrup, it tasted like accomplishment. Stiles gripped Jackson’s hair hard and gulped down air as Jackson literally took his breath away, Stiles’ entire body clenched with the uncontrollable urge to come then and there. His brain screamed to soon, his body screamed not soon enough. Jackson was sucking too hard, too fast, Stiles didn’t want it to end so soon, he pulled Jackson’s hair until his dick popped out of Jackson’s mouth with a loud and obscene slurp. Stiles brought Jackson’s face up to his own and again they kissed, Stiles thought he could taste himself in Jackson’s mouth.

               Stiles lay flat on his back as Jackson fell on top of him, Jackson moaned when he felt the wet press of Stiles’ dick along his own. They rubbed themselves together, Jackson’s saliva slicking the way, they rutted like teenager, as if it where their first time and they were too eager to get it over with. Jackson pushed Stiles down until his movement stilled, buried his face in Stiles shoulder and growled, for the first time losing control of his wolf. Stiles should not have found it as hot as he did, but Stiles was never good at doing things he shouldn’t. He wrapped his arms around Jackson until the wolfs face was pressed tight against his neck and he rolled his hips and Jackson’a hand gripped his shoulder hard and finally Jackson lost control, he sunk his teeth into Stiles shoulder and Stiles came with a loud groan.

               It wasn’t over; Jackson gripped Stiles below his knees and brought his ass up into the air. Stiles was still shivering from his release, his mind blowing orgasm, and the wet hot press of Jackson’s tongue against his puckered hole was too much too soon. The tongue was replaced with Jackson’s dick as he pressed against him until Stiles’ body accepted him inside, lube and saliva slicked the way and Stiles groaned, his dick twitching in interest. Jackson pumped, slowly and hard, the loud slap of Jackson crashing into Stiles’ echoed throughout the empty house, Stiles gripped the sheets and held on like his life depended on it. Jackson changed his rhythm from slow deep thrusts to fast shallow ones that had them both sweating and moaning.

               In that space, the lonely empty spaces that Jackson and Stiles always seemed to inhabit, with their bodies consumed by some desperate need to find something neither of them knew was missing, they received revelation, whatever they were seeking they found in their physical communion. Jackson realized that he did in fact deserve to be happy, no matter what type of person he had once been . Stiles realized something that made him sick to his stomach, that made him want to pull away from Jackson to push him away and leave running, he realized that he wasn’t ready to commit his life to Jackson’s, he wasn’t ready, he just wasn’t, he wasn’t ready for any of it. Jackson’s knot pushed against his muscled hole and the inevitable entrance drove Stiles into his second orgasm.

               They lay stuck together panting, covered in sweat both realizations leaving one calm, the other confused and scared. Jackson kissed Stiles deep, even though he was short of breath and panting, before laying his head on his pillow and falling asleep. Stiles lay awake wanting to crawl out of his skin, Jackson’s body over his own felt like a million pounds, he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t escape. Exhaustion finally took Stiles, but not before he realized that there was something wrong with him.

 

 

               She’d seen them, together, but she thought nothing of it. She followed them as the two walked down the street licking away at their ice creams. She watched both boys get into that old ratty jeep that looked ready to fall apart at the slightest tap from another car, though she knew from experience that it was much sturdier than anything else she knew. She followed them, she wasn’t sure why, except maybe something about a look, or a stray touch that had gotten her attention and her need to know overcame her. It didn’t take a genius to know, she could see it in their faces, the two were fucking. She felt bad for Jackson, he didn’t know how _not_ to give away his whole heart, he desperately needed love, something he seemed to lack for almost the entirety of his life, Lydia had understood but she’d crumpled beneath the weight of that responsibility, she’d allowed it to make her bitter, to turn her into something horrible and then she dragged Jackson down with her. But Stiles, he was a strange boy, someone who fell in love easily and out of love equally as fast, and sadly that was the problem, Stiles was so young and so naïve it was almost pathetic, Lydia couldn’t handle it, she was past that strange world of high school dating, she needed…a man, and Stiles, he had a bit left to grow. They went into Jackson’s house together.

               She waited a long time until she realized that neither of them was coming back out. That was all the proof she needed to know that they were fucking. It was weird, to think that both her ex’s were fucking each other, though the thought was pretty hot. She smiled, red lips pulling tight into something someone would find frightening, the smile of a clown wielding a knife. She decided to wait, she thought it’d be fun. She leaned her seat back and sighed.

               A long while later, she awoke to the bitter cold, she’d forgotten how cold Beacon Hills was, her front windshield was covered in white frost and her breath left her body in tiny white clouds. She hugged herself and shivered in the cold. She turned her car on and blasted the heater, it didn’t take long before the frost melted away and the bitter cold inside the vehicle was pushed out and left behind the suffocating heat.

               Lydia shut the heater off and huffed out her annoyance, she thought about leaving when she saw someone coming around the back of Jackson’s house. She watched as the person ran to Stiles’ jeep, and again, she didn’t have to be a genius to know it was Stiles. He got in his jeep and then speed off. Lydia tilted her head, she hadn’t expected that, she wasn’t sure what to make of it but she knew the next day was going to be too much fun.

 

 

 

                                                        


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well finally i finished. Sorry for making you wait but i won't make any excuses. Here it is, enjoy.

A cold harsh wind blew; bringing deep black clouds, the trees swayed and creaked loudly as branches snapped off and leaves blew like confetti. The winds came from the west, from somewhere far into the Pacific, and with it they brought the smell of salt and seaweed that, when mixed with the woody smell of Beacon Hills’ fecund forest, created something unique to their small town. The black clouds sealed away the sun’s rays and the first thing Jackson awoke to was the freezing cold. His head hurt though he didn’t understand why, somewhere some fence occasionally banged against itself, Jackson felt that same banging inside his head, he brought his hands up to massage his temples in some futile attempt to stop the aching.

The window next to his bed was left open, the curtains flapped loudly and wildly, they’d already knocked over everything within reach. Jackson scrubbed his hand across his face and felt something slimy; he thought it might have been some left over lube... He reached out on the other side of the bed and was surprised to find it empty. In the space that Jackson had come to think of as Stiles’ spot, Jackson found nothing. Jackson felt a growing sense of unease when he realized that Stiles was gone, he couldn’t hear any other heartbeat in the house, just his own. Jackson turned his head quickly and looked to his side, but there really was no Stiles. The space was empty and cold and there was nothing there to indicate that Stiles had even been there. Jackson didn’t know why but his heart began to beat faster, driving him into a panic. He leaped off his bed and closed his window, he was instantly surrounded by complete and utter silence, his enhanced werewolf senses made it worse, Jackson could hear the hum of silence in his ear, like a television left on to a dead channel, his heartbeat thrashed inside his skull, and Stiles’ was nowhere.

He stumbled towards the bathroom and actually tripped over his own shoes that were still twisted inside his jeans. He pulled himself up using the doorknob and rubbed his hands across the wall until he found the light switch. Jackson didn’t notice how cold he was, he didn’t feel how violently his body shook, how pale and blue his skin was. He squinted at his reflection in the mirror and brought his hand up to his face, smeared across his nose and all over his lips was a thick coating of blood. He turned the faucet on and slowly began to wash the blood off his face. This time he did notice how bad his hands shook, he was assaulted with memories from long ago, he sobbed, something awful that was torn out of his throat by some desperate and horrifying fear, that, like so many times before, he had lost time.

But he had been with Stiles, he knew that, he could still taste the boy on his tongue…Or could he? There was a time long ago when the flavor in his mouth had become something he’d grown all too familiar with, when he would awake to some bitter freeze covering his body, the wet slide of dew on his face, and the sticky coating of blood on his hands, and on his tongue the taste of come. Jackson hadn’t noticed the tears, he was too busy trying to fight off the memories of what had once been done to him. It was so much easier to understand what Gerard had done; the man was evil and cruel and had seen Jackson as not only a tool but as a specimen. It made sense to Jackson that the man would tear him open to see how he worked, to see the differences between human and non-human biology, to derive some sort of weakness out of it. Leaving Jackson conscious, allowing him to feel and remember everything, well Jackson could see why a man like Gerard would do it, to teach him who had control, who held all the power, the mercy…But the boy, Matt, what he had done to Jackson just left him feeling cold and alone and confused and sad. Matt had taken Jackson and had used him, had forced him to be his friend, which was just depressing, Matt had friends, just not very good ones. Matt had forced Jackson to hang out with him, to keep him safe, to keep him from being truly alone and Jackson could understand that. He felt like that himself, for such a long time Jackson had felt exactly like that. Jackson had vague memories of playing video games with him, reading comics, watching movies, they would lay in Matt’s room after and Matt would talk about all the things he wanted to do when he grew up, but his near death experience in the Lahey’s pool and the way his entire life was invalidated, pushed to the side as unimportant and the realization that it possibly was unimportant, had crushed Matt and left him hollow. Those last couple days when everything unraveled, Matt had taken Jackson and forced him to give him his first blow job, Matt then laid him down and told him not to move, not to say a word and he fucked him. And even while under control Jackson had cried because he might have given Matt what he’d wanted if only he’d asked, but Matt didn’t want something given to him, he wanted to take.

Jackson buried his face in a towel, he panted around the white cotton now stained red and tried to get a grip on his frayed nerves. His whole body trembled as he finally became aware of the cold. Jackson left the bathroom and went out into the hall, he checked the thermostat and raised the heat, he could hear the machine come to life as it began to circulate heated air around the house. Jackson sat on his bed and took in slow lungful’s of air, he wasn’t sure what had set him off, or even sure of what was happening. He picked up his phone and called Stiles, it rang for a while before it went to voice mail. Jackson sent a text, ‘ _Are you okay?’_

For some reason Jackson couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d done something wrong, that there was something wrong with him. Jackson wondered if he’d hurt Stiles, he remembers hurting Stiles, is that why he ran, did he run? Jackson didn’t know and there was nothing he could do. It was best to wait till the morning. So Jackson laid himself down and stared at his ceiling for what felt like hours. Occasional he would look at his cell phone for the time, or in hopes that Stiles had responded to his text. Finally when five in the morning rolled around Jackson had had enough, he changed into his exercise clothes, laced his shoes and ran out his front door.

The wind had calmed enough that Jackson didn’t feel like he was running in a hurricane, but whenever the weather turned like this, Beacon Hills always looked like some sort of disaster zone with no one left alive, empty streets and fallen trees and the grey haze that tinted the town. Jackson ran past giant branches that lay in the streets, once people awoke someone would be sent down to cut them away. Debris littered the ground and Jackson had to weave left and right to avoid tripping over all of it, some branches had even taken out electric lines and those Jackson actually felt the need to pull his cellphone out and report, the last thing he needed was some idiots death on his conscious because they were stupid enough to touch a live wire.

Of course he ended up at Stiles’ house. It looked fine, and Jackson was glad to see that the Sheriff’s car was in the drive way. Jackson climbed the side of the house and peered into Stiles’ window. The boy was there, wrapped up tight and warm in his bed, asleep. Jackson sighed in relief, he looked alright…but why had he left…

Jackson took the time to actually do some real running; he stretched his muscles until he was nice and loose, before taking off into the woods. He let himself go as fast as his body would allow. Jackson was amazed at how good it felt. He ran so fast that the world turned to a blur of green and brown, it felt natural, right. He ran not really knowing where he was going he just knew that he had to keep moving. He felt his body fall into a rhythm; his heart began to beat with each step he took, until every breath came out even and synchronized. As he ran Jackson let his olfactory senses take over, he let the scents lead him, the sounds, and the tastes in the air, Jackson stripped as he ran until he was running completely nude, he turned then, gracefully and without pause, in a blur he was something else, something not human, a wolf. He didn’t stop, he did it as he ran and before he knew it he was surrounded by forest and nature and Jackson felt that morning’s fear and unease replaced by something so comforting and natural he completely forgot his worries, the thrill of the run was amazing.

Jackson wasn’t sure how far he ran but he felt no need to stop. He ducked underneath some bushes and jumped over others and suddenly without warning he crashed into a giant mass of black fur. Jackson lay panting on the ground when the unmistakable scent of Derek filled his nostrils. He whined as he slowly rose, his white fur was now caked with mud and dirt and Jackson was not pleased. Derek huffed as he rose confused and angry, though Jackson assumed that that was just Derek’s natural state. Jackson shook out his fur, as hard as he could, and Derek stood as wads of mud pelted him. Jackson then licked any caked on pieces until he was once again, in Derek’s mind, annoyingly white.

 _‘What are you doing here,’_ they both asked.

Derek was tracking Alphas, Jackson was just…playing.

Jackson wasn’t worried about the alphas, he knew exactly what they were doing in town, it was obvious, to him at least. They were sick, really sick, each and everyone one of them, and they came to Beacon Hills to find a cure. All they, Derek’s pack, had to do was make sure they, the Alpha pack, didn’t kill any more people, which is exactly what they were doing, and Jackson knew they would slowly all die, which is exactly what they were doing. Why the Alpha pack thought their small town held the cure Jackson didn’t know, but it didn’t matter to him, as long as they died. But Derek was unhappy without knowing every single detail which is why he was in the woods stalking around looking for any clues.

They naturally fell into formation, Jackson slightly behind and to the side of Derek. Jackson was content just being out in the woods. They circled around for a while before Derek decided it was a lost cause and together they ran back into town.

 

 

 

Derek let Jackson into the apartment the pack shared. Once it had been filled with the voices of teenagers running around screaming for his attention, now it was mostly just Isaac and Scott, maybe Jackson. Derek sometimes sat in his empty apartment and wondered how it was that he’d failed so badly as an Alpha, how he’d allowed two of his own betas to think that they’d be safer away from him, now they were dead.

Jackson looked at him and laughed, “I know what you’re thinking. I know because they’re the same thoughts I’ve had in my own head. Maybe not the same exact thoughts, but I know where that train of thought leads, nowhere good” Jackson pulled on some underwear and jeans he’d stashed at the place and took one of Derek’s too tight t-shirts.

Derek didn’t acknowledge him, but he let some of the guilt he felt ease away. At the end of the day he understood that the decision those two had made were theirs alone, they should have had better faith in him, they should have been _loyal._ That thought made him look at Jackson as he dressed, after everything with the kanima had ended Jackson had tried so hard to prove his loyalty and Derek had been more than happy to tell him to fuck off. He thought he was protecting him, he couldn’t keep his own safe and that’s what Jackson had needed, something safe and comforting, something that made the boy fell like he belonged and Derek didn’t know how to give that, it’s why the others had left. It angered him that Peter had given Jackson what he needed. But Derek swore to himself that he would be a better alpha, friend, brother, he hoped that he was, desperately.

“Shit,” said Jackson and Derek watched as he brought a hand up to cover his nose as a trickle of blood flowed out his nostril. Derek walked up to the boy and grabbed his head, “Derek, stop Jesus,” Jackson struggled, but not hard. Derek didn’t look at the too blue eyes that were staring straight into his, instead he looked up Jackson’s nostril, he could see the place where the blood was coming from, a burst vessel.

“It’s probably the lightening and the dry air, it’s messing with your nose. It’s normal; I’ve been getting nose bleeds too.” Derek had never seen so much relief flood Jackson’s face, Derek knew what _he_ was thinking, “You can’t go back…to being the kanima, it’s impossible…and I…I would never allow it, your pack now and its staying that way.” This time Jackson did pull away but Derek still saw the blush that crept up his cheeks, it made a devilish grin spread across his face.

 

 

Derek dropped Jackson off near his house, he needed to go into town and didn’t feel like driving all the way up the hill that Jackson’s house sat on, so he left Jackson at the bottom and drove away. Jackson slowly walked up the black asphalt road and was glad to see that the City workers were already hard at work picking up all sorts of debris. As the morning progressed the wind stayed strong and steady. With a powerful gust and rumble of thunder that changed as a light drizzle began to fall, Jackson walked through it in a light hoodie and leather jacket, both stolen from Derek. Jackson was surprised that after everything, it was still early morning, just nine, four hours since he decided to go running. He sighed and climbed the hill and thought back to what Derek had told him. He couldn’t become the kanima again, it was impossible. Basically he was immune now, inoculated to something that he wished he’d never been exposed to in the first place.  The nose bleeds, just his body becoming hyper aware of the drastic change in weather, the drops in air pressure, dry air, electricity, all that bullshit.

Jackson crested over the hill and noticed a car that hadn’t been there that morning. He didn’t think much of it, but as he walked towards his house he thought he saw someone sitting on the stairs leading up to his front door. As he neared, Jackson began to sniff and didn’t like what he smelled, it was a scent masked in expensive perfume and rose petal lotion smeared all over, of expensive clothes lightly perfumed and perfectly pressed. He noticed the red lip stick first and the golden yellow hair, before he finally acknowledged the face. Nothing had changed, of course not, it had only been a year since he had last seen her. But Lydia Martin was the last person he expected to see waiting for him.

“Hey stranger,” she said and stood, she picked up the box of pastries that sat next to her and waved a large cup of coffee in his face, “Its skinny,” she said and smiled and Jackson couldn’t help it. He smiled too.

They ended up sitting at his kitchen table as they took small bites of food between sips of coffee. Lydia was back in town for graduation, she said that if she’d transferred out her credits it would have ruined her GPA at her new school, so instead she’d opted to just take online courses while she waited to graduate back here at Beacon Hills.

“So…how are things,” asked Jackson and Lydia looked at him and laughed, Jackson huffed, he wasn’t sure why, but he felt incredibly awkward.

“I’m okay, you seem pretty okay too,” Lydia had that look on her face that said that she already knew everything, which left Jackson feeling relieved, it meant he didn’t have to hide. “I just never thought you’d…I don’t know, I never thought I’d see you so happy, and in some ways I’m glad that you are, it helps me not feel guilty for the way I acted, for what I did to you, us.”

“You don’t have to apologize about any of that“

“I know, but I want to. At the end of the day we let our own relationship turn sour and…I wished it hadn’t…it should have ended better than it had,”

“Well from where I’m standing, it hasn’t ended at all, just changed a little,” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows and Lydia frowned, she hated when Jackson was more insightful than her, but even so she felt her face settle into a smile.

Jackson looked at Lydia and was kind of shocked by how sincere she sounded, how relaxed, happy, and Jackson couldn’t keep the smile of his face. They ate breakfast as they chatted about everything that had happened to them. Jackson told Lydia about the Alpha pack and how they were slowly dying from some unknown disease, Lydia asked what it was, Jacksons said he didn’t care, Lydia gave him a look that Jackson was so used to getting it actually made him laugh.

“So,” started Lydia, “You and Stiles huh?”

Jackson actually choked on his coffee, he hadn’t expected Lydia to broach the subject like that, “yeah me and Stiles,” he said as he wiped hot coffee off his face.

“Jesus…two of my ex’s are gay…I hope that doesn’t mean I’m a turner,”

“A turner?”

“Yeah, you know, a girl who makes guys gay through the power of her vagina.” This time Jackson gave Lydia a look and they both burst out laughing.  

“Me and Stiles…it’s weird. We ended up having sex before we started dating. I think it made it harder for things to get started but once it did, I don’t know, I feel like we’re pretty good, like maybe we can make this work…in the long run.”

Lydia made a face, “What,” asked Jackson.

“I just never thought I’d hear you talk like that, you were never really future guy, you were always about the now. “

Jackson just shrugged.

“…Are you sure that Stiles is looking for something serious,”

“I guess, I don’t know, but we’re happy and that’s enough for us—“

“For him, is it enough for him? Jackson you and me both know that what you need isn’t something everyone can give…I couldn’t, and I don’t know if Stiles can either…he’s more immature than we allow ourselves to believe.”

“That’s not true; we all know exactly how immature Stiles can be,”

“That’s not what I meant,” said Lydia annoyed, “I just mean he—it’s one thing to face off against wild werewolves at night and a completely different thing to decided what kind of mortgage to get for the first house you want to purchase with your lover, Stiles couldn’t handle something like that.”

Jackson didn’t respond he just shrugged and frowned, he hated when people questioned his relationship with Stiles, and people did it all the time.

They chatted for a while longer before Lydia said she had to go. Jackson watched her climb into her parent’s car and drive away. He wasn’t sure how he felt, sad but excited, he thought, everything seemed to be changing and Jackson was hopeful that it was all for the better.

Jackson heard a car driving up the hill towards his house, he saw the white square mail van pull up to the side of the road. The mailman, who Jackson happened to know by name, filled his box with a bunch of letters before driving away. Jackson walked out and brought the mail into the house, he sat at his kitchen table and tossed each letter aside until he found one with his name on it. He looked at the address in surprise and tore it open and stared at the white page, he smiled wide.

 

 

Stiles ate breakfast with his dad, it was a quite breakfast, neither of the two spoke, Stiles’ father was too exhausted to, and Stiles was busy trying not to agonize over what he had done. When he thought about it Stiles could feel his heart start to beat faster, could feel the breath in his lungs suddenly dry up until he was panting. So he didn’t, think about it, instead he stuffed his face and counted the cups of coffee his father drank until he finally cut his father off.

After breakfast Stiles cleaned his room, he collected all his dirty clothes and separated them into different piles, he ignored all the shirts and pants and random socks Jackson had somehow left in his room and instead pretended that they were just things Stiles had forgotten he owned, he gathered all his books and gathered them all into neat piles, he dusted, and vacuumed and took down his curtains and threw those into the wash, most people often forget that their curtains are there and that they gather dust and need to, in fact, be cleaned, Stiles didn’t forget though. He dusted his window frames and even cleaned up the spider webs he’d ignored for a few weeks and when everything was done Stiles knew that there was no way in the world he could forget that he had ran from Jackson’s home because he was afraid of commitment, he was a walking cliché, he was what he’d always assumed Jackson had been and he never even knew it.

Stiles sat in his clean room that stank of lemon Pledge and wondered what it was he wanted to do. Because there was no denying that he was scared, he didn’t want to think of his life as just over, yet that was what it felt like. He had the feeling that if he went away with Jackson, moved into an apartment, that that would be it, they would end up being together for the rest of their lives and Stiles didn’t want that. He never thought that the amount of people he would have sex with would end at two, that he would only ever really date one person, someone who he had spent half of his life hating.

Stiles flinched when he heard a loud pounding at his door. He waited before he remembered that his dad had taken his jeep out to get serviced. Stiles sighed and walked down the stairs and slammed open the door and said, “What.”

Lydia stood on his porch, one eyebrow arched in barely contained frustration and Stiles, he squeaked. Lydia pushed her way into his house slid past him in a cloud of sweet perfume; she turned on her heel and looked at Stiles expectantly. She waited, tapping one foot.

“Hi”, said Stiles and Lydia rolled her eyes. Her heels clacked as she made her way into his living room. She tossed herself onto his overstuffed couch with a soft puff of air and turned the television on. Lydia looked for the remote before she finally found it stuffed underneath a pillow, she flipped through channels until she found a soap opera she liked. Stiles closed the front door and walked slowly and quietly into his living room, he didn’t want to attract her attention again, it terrified him.

Lydia groaned loudly then, tossed her head back in exaggerated exasperation. “Hi Stiles, it was nice to see you too, oh I can come in, thanks for the invite, no I don’t need anything to eat or drink I’m fine, oh what’s that, how am I, you know I’m okay, I kind of miss this town but I like having a new start in a place where people don’t think I went insane, dumped the hottest guy in town in order to date the town dweeb before my parents moved us away…”

“…Hi,” said Stiles, and Lydia groaned again.

Stiles ordered pizza, a white pie, Lydia’s favorite. Stiles got over his initial fright and barraged Lydia with a million questions the girl had no hope in answering since Stiles was going from one to the other with no pause in between. When Stiles finally ran out of breathe they sat in silence.

“Long story short,” said Lydia with a look of not at all contained annoyance on her face, “I’m in town for graduation.”

“Ahh…so…why are you here.”

Lydia frowned, “I thought you would have liked to see me,” Lydia tossed her pizza down and got off the couch, she pulled the strap of her purse over her head and walked to the front door, Stiles was up in a second with his hand held against the door keeping Lydia in.

“That wasn’t what I meant, I just, the way things ended, I didn’t think I would see you again, especially not with you pretending that you weren’t a massive bitch who moved away literally right after dumping me and that I hadn’t…well, I think I made my point,”

“It’s been a year Stiles, grow up, so we had a bad break up, it’s not like you even took our relationship seriously. You were never there for me when I really needed you, you were always with Scott, ‘the pack’, and when you _were_ there all we ever did was fight and have sex, and then one day I grew tired of it…and I know you did too, you were just too big of a coward to admit it. I know you had big dreams about us, that we would be the prefect couple and have a million kids and die old and happy but reality was more than you were obviously prepared for Stiles so I ended it, and I ended it badly, but one of us had to admit that we weren’t working.”

Stiles felt all the blood drain from his body, at least that’s how it felt, like an alien touch of something foreign skidding over his body and draining away all his warmth. It was true, he had worshipped Lydia when he couldn’t have her, but once he _did_ have her he had no idea how to keep her happy, he had no idea what it was like to actually be with somebody and so he decided not to do anything at all, he was Stiles supposed to know that Jackson had always been there for Lydia when she needed him, had held her when she cried, to talk about her dreams, and had even watched The Notebook so many times he’d memorized the lines and all because Lydia had simply wanted to watch that horrible movie.

They both stood in a house that was suddenly too silent and empty for either of them to be inside of. It felt like coming back to the site of a death a year later, survivor’s guilt haunting you all the while.

“I’m sorry,” said Lydia, “you weren’t a terrible person Stiles and if it really matters, for a time, I really did love you.”

“I…” Stiles couldn’t talk, there was a knot that had formed deep in his throat, his eyes stung and Stiles tried real hard to keep his body from betraying him, but his lip quivered and Lydia gave him a look that just broke him, tears spilled over his eyelids languidly, without stop. Lydia gripped him tight, pulled Stiles deep into her chest and held him.

“…Tell me about Jackson,” said Lydia and Stiles sobbed and laughed, he pulled away from Lydia and wiped his cheeks.

“We feel in love,” was all he could say, he covered his face when a wave of guilt washed over his already cold body. Lydia tried not to laugh, she really did, but it came busting out of her anyways, Stiles scowled at her and she laughed harder, something that shook her whole body, made her hair bounce in blonde waves.

“Tell me everything,” she said, and Stiles did.

He told about the pack heat and Derek’s warning to him to stay away from Jackson, Lydia rolled her eyes, she didn’t need Stiles to tell her that he hadn’t listened. Stiles remembered running for his life, sure that he was going to die ripped apart by Jackson, he ran and ran and as he did, as the growling approached, he wasn’t going to lie and say that he hadn’t, for an instant, felt excited at the thought of Jackson taking him, because he had been, he wanted it and Stiles thinks maybe Jackson could smell that. Instead of dying he’d found himself pinned beneath a lust filled animal. Jackson made him feel good, and Stiles was tired of not allowing himself any true sexual pleasure, he decided to give himself to Jackson, something born from both selfishness and selflessness. Afterwards he’d been left feeling confused, Jackson had chosen him as his mate and Stiles couldn’t understand why. He’d spent half his life hating the boy, finding out that that person he hated was in love with him was confounding and completely beyond anything he had experience with. He talked about the days spent afraid of Jackson, afraid that what he felt for him was something that was forced inside him by the mating, by some supernatural force he couldn’t control. Jackson slowly but surely eroded his walls, talked to him, coaxed him, seduced him, to the point where Stiles looked forward to the time they got to spend together, and before he even knew they were dating, had been for much longer than Stiles even realized and soon they were something that Stiles didn’t want to lose, or that’s what he had thought before last night.

“Even with Jackson I fuck shit up, and he tries so hard to make me feel…”

“Loved, Jackson likes making others feel loved,” Lydia huffed, “at least some people.” She walked to the couch where she had left her hefty purse and from it depths she produced a bottle of red wine.

It was a decision Stiles would have regretted the next morning, when he would have awoken in his bed with a pounding head and nausea so bad he barely made it into the bathroom where he would have gagged and spit until finally vomiting. They drank the bottle and after something brown from his father’s liquor cabinet, it burned as it went down but left his mind so jumbled and numb he didn’t care.

“Let’s play a game,” slurred Lydia, “why don’t we see who knows more about Jackson.”

“That’s dumb,” said Stiles, “you’ve known him longer.”

“Yeah…but half that time I was kind of an evil bitch to him…” Stiles snorted and felt the scotch burn deep inside the back of his skull.

“Did you know that Jackson can suck a mean dick,” said Stiles, absolutely no shame left inside him, the alcohol had burned it all away. Lydia laughed and then smiled, which kind of freaked Stiles out, as if she, in fact, did know that Jackson could suck a mean dick.

“Did you know that up until he was thirteen he slept with a teddy bear,” Stiles snorted, he hadn’t known that, he hated that he found it adorable. “He never did tell me what he used to call it…”

They lapsed into silence then, Stiles didn’t know how to break it. Lydia did, “Did you know that before the bite…Jackson used to take a handful of antidepressants.”

Stiles hadn’t, Lydia could tell by the wide eyed look on his face, “he’s been taking them since he was like…well a long time.”

“I…I didn’t know—“

“You took him from me,”

“What!”

“You fucking took him from me, you said you hated him! Are you even gay? Do you even really like him! Or is this some fucked up way of trying to somehow keep a hold of me, because I’ve seen you two together and you have that same look on your face that you did whenever I needed you to be my boyfriend, the look of a terrified little boy who wants so badly to be with a person but isn’t willing to actually do any work, to give themselves to someone completely, you were always the most selfish person I knew.” Lydia was angry, her hair which had once been perfectly combed now looked like something that had been slept on, her eyes glowed with something that Stiles couldn’t understand, it was the look of a petulant child being told they couldn’t have something they wanted.

“Oh get over yourself Lydia! I didn’t take him away from anyone. He chose me, and not you and now you’ve come back for some bullshit reason and you can’t stand to see him happy with someone else. No, you can’t stand seeing him happy with me! Or at all! You always wanted him miserable, you made him feel like shit because you wanted him to think that no one other than you would ever love him, you completely destroyed him to the point where he couldn’t even love himself, he probably took those pills to deal with you!” Stiles felt the hot stinging burn of Lydia’s hand as it made contact with his face.

They were both shocked out of their respective anger, the haze of liquor had made it easy to say those things, sobering up made it much harder to confront them. Lydia was the first one to cave, “I didn’t mean it…”

“I know,” said Sties, they both lied.

 

 

Jackson waited all day for Stiles to call him and the boy never did, which pissed him off. If Jackson were honest with himself he would see that Stiles wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, there were times where it almost seemed like Stiles completely forgot about him, and then there were times when Stiles would do something that hurt him so bad he was surprised the boy was capable of such cruelty. But those things were few and far between, and no one was perfect, especially not him, that thought made him laugh.

He was tired of waiting and decided to go eat something. He got in his car and slowly cruised down the hill. Jackson was used to pushing his car as fast as it could go, of seeing the world in a muddled blur and feeling some sort of safety inside the concealed space of his car as the world whooshed past him. But it was raining too hard for that, and the harsh breeze made Jackson slow down into a lazy crawl. He kind of liked it, the soft hum of his Porsche as it slowly rolled over asphalt.

He stopped in town and was surprised to see that most things were closed; Jackson assumed it was because the storm had taken out so many electrical lines. As he drove he finally found a diner that was opened and had light, he parked his car out front and shut the engine off. Jackson steeled himself for the cold rain, he pulled his jackets collar high up on his neck and zipped it all the way up. He ran out and was shocked by how cold the rain actually was, each dropped felt like a small needle piercing his skin.

He burst through the door and into the quite space. There weren’t many people there; Jackson took a seat near the back away from the cold windows. He ordered a burger with fries and a cherry coke, and pulled out his cell phone. No calls, no text, no reception, Jackson sighed. He waited for his food, he looked around the space and tried to count the people he recognized, there weren’t many, or any at all. He rubbed the tips of his fingers against the chipped veneer surface of the table and read and reread the menu. He looked out the windows that lined the front of the restaurant and watched the empty streets outside. The rain came down fast and the wind blew bits of garbage down the lane. Jackson was surprised at how dark it looked outside, the black clouds looked almost orange now as the sun tried to penetrate the deep dark haze as it slowly sank beneath the horizon. Jackson sighed and looked down at his table and its fake wooden veneer, he wondered what his parents were doing, what Danny was doing, he missed his friend and Jackson wondered if his friend missed him. Jackson absentmindedly reached inside his jacket and the letter that was tucked inside the space warm and safe.

As he watched the world outside, he saw someone with a thin hoodie sprinting towards the door. They slammed the door open and shut and then stood at the entrance as everyone stared them down. Jackson was completely shocked to see that it was Stiles, soaking wet, the other boy noticed him too and was just as shocked to see him there as well.

Stiles walked towards him and ignored the looks other people gave him.

“Hey,” said Stiles as he sat in the chair across from him.

“Hey,” said Jackson, he noticed the bags underneath the boy’s eyes and the smell of liquor that curled out of his mouth in a noxious little cloud, and beneath all that, perfume that wafted off of him, _Lydia._ “I missed you,” said Jackson and watched as Stiles face reddened.

“Yeah sorry about that…” Stiles didn’t elaborate. Jackson didn’t force the issue; while he might be known for his anger, fights weren’t something Jackson went out of his way to cause.

“So…what have you been doing all day, I waited for you to call me, there was something I wanted to tell you.”

“Yeah…umm, well Lydia stopped by and things kind of got out of hand,” Stiles wouldn’t meet his eyes and Jackson felt as a cruel breeze chilled him, he pulled his jacket tighter against his body. “We kind of had a huge fight, it wasn’t good, and then…well, she eventually left, and I didn’t really feel like being with anyone after.”

Jackson’s food arrived and the waitress then took Stiles’ order before leaving them alone. Stiles reached out and stole a couple fries off of Jackson plate and Jackson waited for Stiles to continue but he didn’t, he just ate Jackson’s fries and let his eyes roam around the room but never let them settle on the person in front of him. Jackson lifted his burger and took a bite, it wasn’t as good as Jackson thought it be, or at least it wasn’t anymore. As he chewed and forced the food down his throat Jackson became aware of small things, the strange hum of silence inside the restaurant and the loud white noise of rain outside, other things, things he would normal ignore…

Jackson pushed the plate away from himself, he’d received more bad news in his life than any boy his age deserved to have, he recognized the signs, could see them in the way Stiles wouldn’t look at him, the steeled expression on the boy’s face, and the barely perceivable too fast tempo of his heart. Jackson closed his eyes against the coming flood of doubts, fears, and self-hatred he was so used to. He could feel it then, the endless blackness, the bottomless hole that threatened to suck away his life until there was nothing left.

Jackson covered his face with his hand and waited, he tried to steal himself, to prepare for the bad news, it wouldn’t work. He sighed and lowered his hand; Stiles had been too busy staring at the wallpaper above Jackson’s head to notice any of that. Stiles’ food arrived and they busied themselves for the next half hour eating. When they finished they paid and walked outside.

The rain had stopped, but the black clouds continued to swirl above, the wind was still harsh and blew cold. Stiles turned to Jackson and the look on his face made him shiver.

“I…I think we need to talk,” said Stiles

“Okay,” said Jackson.

They walked down the empty street.

“So graduation is happening soon, we’ll be moving away.”

“Yeah I think I finally found an apartment for us,” Jackson smiled, he wanted Stiles to smile back, he didn’t.

“Yeah…” Stiles took a deep breath. “That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Okay,”

“I just…I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to move in together.”

“Okay…” Jackson felt a dagger of doubt shot into his chest, but he could live with that, he could. “I…that makes sense…we’ll still see each other even if we don’t live together, it’ll probably be better for our grades.” Jackson tried to laugh, to joke.

“Jackson,” Stiles rubbed his hand across his face to remove some of the small droplets of water that landed there, “I don’t think we should be going to school together.”

“I don’t…” Jackson didn’t understand.

“I don’t think we should…keep doing this. I can’t…I just can’t,” Stiles stopped walking and looked away.

 “What do you mean you can’t, Stiles, what the fuck does that mean!”

“It means that…it means that I…I’m just not ready to make the commitment you want. I, Jackson we’re just eighteen. I don’t imagine my life ending like this—“

“Ending, what’s ending?!”

“Jackson you told me I’m your mate and wolves fucking mate for life! I’m not ready for my life to just end like that,” Stiles desperately wanted Jackson to understand him, Jackson couldn’t.

“It isn’t an ending Stiles it’s the beginning of our lives together!”

“I don’t want to die knowing I’ve only had sex with two people! I don’t want to die without experiencing a million different things I won’t be able to do if I’m with you.”

“Are you seriously willing to give up everything we have for something as stupid as that, for a fling and a fuck,”

“It’s not stupid to me,” said Stiles, with finality.

Jackson was just stunned, he remembered the letter in his jacket, he remembered everything he thought he was going to do when he and Stiles were going to move in together, and all the days he and Stiles had spent together and all the things they’d done as they grew closer, and none of it had meant anything to Stiles. He never thought he would feel so angry, he never thought that he’d ever feel so small, so worthless.

“You can’t do this to me,” said Jackson, as the anger faded away and desperation set in, the fear of losing the only thing that made him feel like living.

“I’m sorry…”

“Without you I can’t…” _without you, I can’t keep living_. Jackson wouldn’t say it; he wouldn’t guilt Stiles into doing something he obviously didn’t want. Jackson could feel the wetness on his face as tears pooled over his eyelids, Stiles pretended they were raindrops.

Jackson reached into his jacket and brought out the letter, he looked at Stiles who stood in front of him with absolutely no emotions on his face. Jackson tore the letter into small pieces and when he was done he threw them right into Stiles’ face, he flinched, “Like always, Stiles, _you_ selfishly get what you want.”

Jackson ran, he plunged into the forest and didn’t look back when Stiles called after him with something in his voice that tried to fool Jackson into thinking it was regret, it wasn’t. He didn’t want to face the reality of what Stiles had told him, his mate rejected him, didn’t want to spend their lives together, he’d been dumped.

Jackson let himself go to his baser instincts; he turned, ripped out of his clothes and ran. He let his anger take control and released a terrible roar, it reverberated off the trees and echoed for a long way, birds scattered and animals ran. Jackson chased after them, he ran and when he reached a rabbit he tore into it and left its dead carcass where it feel, Jackson didn’t care, he was angry and he wanted to kill and everything in the world would pay.

 

 

Stiles stood in the empty street trembling, he hadn’t thought he was capable of doing that, he didn’t think he could, but he had, and it went as horrible as he thought it would. He hadn’t expected to feel so numb. He bent over to pick up the tiny pieces of paper that Jackson had thrown at him, most were soaked wet but the piece Stiles had was dry. On it was a seal Stiles recognized, the seal to USC, the school they were going to go to together. Stiles wasn’t sure what it meant. He walked towards his car, which he’d parked in front of a Starbucks thinking it was open when it hadn’t been. He climbed in and turned the Jeep on in order to turn up the heat.

He was out of breathe, he couldn’t breathe, Stiles lowered the window and tried to turn off the heat and instead found himself slumped over his steering wheel wheezing for breathe. He was suffocating.

After what felt like eternity he pulled out his cell phone and called Scott.

“Scott, man, I need your help,” over the phone Stiles could hear his own wheezing.

“Stiles, where are you, are you okay? Tell me where you are,” Scott remembered this, it been a while but Scott remembered his own nervous breakdown, his panic attack.

“In town, in front of the Starbucks with the graffiti on the side,”

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”

Stiles waited and wheezed and wondered if maybe he’d made a mistake. He was a coward, a fucking coward, people spent their lives looking for something like what he and Jackson had and he was willing to throw it all away for nothing. He loved him, he did, but he wasn’t ready.

It started to rain again, slowly at first, but soon it was pouring. Stiles focused on the sound the rain made on the roof of his Jeep and tried to ignore the hurricane of emotions the swirled inside him. He heard something then, a strange sound from somewhere far off and he vaguely wondered what it was. Then he heard something else, the scrapping of metal, his entire Jeep vibrated before the door was ripped off its hinges, the last memory Stiles had was the blossom of pain that spread across his head as his face was smashed into the steering wheel until he finally fell unconscious.

 

 

Scott shook in his seat, he had been lucky he was with Allison when Stiles called. She drove and they hurried through the empty streets going just fast enough to be safe, but nowhere near the speed Scott wished they were going. They finally reached downtown and waited at a red light. Scott was nervous and Allison could tell, that’s when they heard something strange, like a small explosion.

Allison ran the red light; they turned the corner and slipped across the wet asphalt before Stiles’ Jeep finally came into view. It was turned on its side; the door lay in the center of the street. Allison and Scott looked on stunned before they finally got out of their cars. They were instantly soaking wet but neither of them cared, they ran to the Jeep, Scott jumped on top and looked inside and was both glad and horrified to find it empty. There was blood on the steering wheel, he reached out to touch it, he brought his hand to his face and sniffed and he just knew it was Stiles’ he turned to Allison. He didn’t have to speak Allison knew just from the look on his face that something was wrong, she called her father, he called Derek.

The four of them ended up following a scent both Derek and Scott had picked up back at the Stiles’ jeep it led away from town and into the forest. Allison and Chris followed close behind, weapons at the ready.

“Allison has her bow,” Chris said as they gathered outside the forest were Stiles’ scent led. Chris’ truck was parked here. “I have my rifle with these new bullets I made. They’re tipped with a very powerful wolfsbane poison, newly cultivated; no wolf is going to survive a bullet from this rifle”

“What if you accidentally hit me or Scott,” asked Derek.

“Don’t worry,” Chris pulled two backpacks towards him, he threw one to Allison, and from his own he pulled out a small metal case. He opened it and inside were four syringes, “these aren’t exactly a cure, it’s a suppressor. You’ll still get poisoned but it’ll give your body enough time to slowly cure the poison itself, if you’re healthy enough.”

Derek mumbled but was appeased. Scott and Derek didn’t take any weapons; it would only slow them down.

“It’s obviously a trap,” whispered Derek as they walked, Chris nodded. “Why don’t you two head up that way, ahead of us is a small clearing, I’m sure that’s where they’ve taken Stiles, up there though is a small cliff, it’ll be a great vantage point.” Chris nodded and together with his daughter they head in the other direction. Scott and Allison meet eyes until she finally turned and walked away.

“Why would they take him,” asked Scott.

Derek shrugged, “I don’t have a clue. Right now, we worry about getting him back, we can worry about the why’s once we have him back.” Scott understood.

They crept forward slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible, with Scott along that was almost impossible.

Ahead, they heard someone cry out in pain and Scott rushed forward, he let branches scratch across his face until he finally cleared the brush and stopped dead in his tracks. There were four of them, all of them had sickly yellow flesh and smelled like rotting meat. Stiles was being held by one of them, there was blood dripping down his arm, the man holding him had his claws buried deep into his flesh. Stiles whimpered; he was covered in mud, tears slid down his face cleaning away some dirty leaving twin trails of pale flesh.

“Take another step forward and I’ll pull his head clean off his shoulders,” the man pulled Stiles hard making him groan in pain. The other wolves stood motionless, their eyes were dead, they shivered in the rain as their tattered clothes soaked up the cold water.  

“I’ve done everything I could think of and none of it has worked,” the man said, “I don’t know what else to do…I’m dying and I can’t stop it, there is nothing left of my pack expect these dead pieces of fodder!” He yelled at the other wolves but they didn’t react, they just stood there, waiting. They panted, “So this is it, a desperate man’s desperate plan, I want the cure, okay, no more games, give me the cure or this boy dies, and he’ll just be the first. There is a town full of people I’m _more_ than willing to kill in order to save myself, believe me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, please just let my friend go, he has nothing to do with—“

“No more fucking games! I’m not an idiot, it all started with that fucking man, the old man! I know he was here…I know he did something to us, those fucking hunters are always doing something and I know, I know. So either get me the cure or your friend meets his end.”

“What old man I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Scott could tell that the man was gone, he was insane, whatever was wrong with this pack had reached its peak, it was just like Jackson had said, these were the last of them. Derek had assumed that the people going missing had been integrated into the pack, apparently they hadn’t been. Old man…Scott thought…It didn’t matter. He flinched when the man in front of him roared, his eyes flashed red and he turned just in time to dodge an arrow that was aimed at his head. Scott barely had enough time to dodge it himself before it thwacked into a tree behind him. The man picked Stiles up and threw him right at Scott, they landed in a heap on the ground and Scott struggled as he heard Allison scream, he heard shots fired before the sound of Chris’ scream echoed through the forest.

Derek roared as his eyes burned red, he ran past Allison who was sitting at the foot of a tree having fallen unconscious when knocked into it. Derek could hear Chris struggle against the superior strength of the alpha. When they came into view Derek could see the alphas hands wrapped around Chris’ neck as he tried to snap the bone within. Derek ran and when he saw the red of the others eyes he struck, a flash of claws and the other alpha flew. He turned as he fell and landed on his hands and knees, Derek noticed the pox marks that decorated the man’s face and body, he noticed the patches of missing hair, the way the flesh smelled, as if it were dying.

Derek prepared himself for the attack from the front, what he hadn’t expected was to be tackled from behind, before he knew it he was being held down by four other sick alphas, he roared and was rewarded with a fist to the face. Scott ran up and tackled one of the alphas only to be sent sprawling across the forest floor. Stiles was behind him, he picked up Chris’ rifle which had landed far away from the man, he hoisted the weapon and aimed at one of the alphas and fired, he watched as the bullet landed not too far off from the thing he was aiming at. He looked at the gun and realized he had no clue how to reload it, he felt the sharp sting of claws on the back of his neck as he was lifted off the ground by the alpha who first had him, the other four held Derek down and laughed.

“You’re all going to regret that,” he said through growing fangs, his face elongated into a long snout, Derek watched and roared but couldn’t break free from the people holding him down, they were sick and yet retained all their strength. Stiles braced himself and watched as the alpha lowered his face, he felt the drool that dripped out land on his shoulder, reeking of rotting flesh.

There was a howl, followed by the loudest roar Stiles had ever heard, he heard crashing through the trees and then something powerful sent him falling to the ground. The Alpha screamed, he tried turning, full wolf, werewolf, anything, but couldn’t. Stiles felt as blood coated his body, the entire time the animal roar filled his ears. Stiles lifted his head and saw a giant white wolf ripping the body into pieces, ‘ _Jackson’,_ the wolf roared and turned, his eyes trailed a line of red wherever they moved. Stiles heard the sound of snapping as Jackson’s bones shifted shape, his arms elongated as Jackson reared onto his hind legs which stretched out into backwards folding legs, the other four alphas tried to run, but in his new form Jackson quickly caught up. They leapt onto Jackson, ripped and bite into his flesh, Jackson roared in anger and pain, the alphas laughed thinking they had the upper hand, until Jackson shifted shapes again, back into the compact form of the wolf and proceeded to pick one of the sick alphas into his jaws and bite it in half.

Stiles tried to hide behind a tree but as the other three alphas ran, one of them turned and locked eyes with him, Stiles ran but was yanked backwards by his shirt. The sick wolf grabbed the gun Stiles desperately grasped onto until it was finally wrenched out of his hand, then the butt of the rifle was slammed into his face, Stiles fell. He heard the alpha reload the gun and watched as the empty shell fell from the chamber and a new one was pushed in, the wolf aimed and shot and Stiles heard the loud roar of pain, then the unmistakable sound of running. The sick alpha tried reloading the gun but didn’t get the chance; Jackson used his new elongated limbs to grab onto him and literally pulled on him until he spilt in two. Stiles ignored the sound of organs as they slipped out of the body cavity and landed with a sickening splat on the wet forest floor.

Then silence, the last alpha ran off, Jackson chased after. Stiles panted and waited. He finally pulled himself to his feet. His head hurt, bad, the nausea and the dizziness was horrible. He stumbled into the clearing; Derek was crouched in front of Scott checking him for wounds. He was okay just knocked out. Chris was in front of Allison doing the same, she was slowly coming to. Chris had deep purple bruises around his neck and a few cuts and bruises around his hands and arms. No one was too seriously hurt except for Stiles, he had an open cut across his forehead from where the end of the rifle had meet his face, he had deep gouges in his arm and neck from where the alphas had pulled and held him.

As Stiles waited for the others to regroup he became aware of the rain, the cold that penetrated deep into his body made worse by his loss of blood and the darkness that surrounded them. He shivered and Derek shed his leather jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders, Chris pulled out a first aid kit from Stiles didn’t know where and started bandaging up his face.

Stiles looked up at Derek, “We have to find Jackson, he was shot with Chris’ rifle,”

“It’s okay, we’ll find him,” Derek cast his glance across the others who shook their heads once in determination.

They walked into the forest slowly, none of them were sure if all the other alphas were truly gone and the thought of them hiding out in the woods made them move slowly. Stiles tripped and slipped on the dark forest floor, he couldn’t see, the black clouds blocked off all moon light, the only thing he had to go by were the twin beams of light coming from Allison and Chris’ flashlights.

“We should hurry,” said Chris, he picked up his pace, he held the left over ammo from his rifle in one hand. Allison looked worried.”

“What’s wrong,” Stiles didn’t think the night could get worse.

“The bullets…they’re a new form of Wolfsbane I’ve been experimenting with…its powerful,” Derek growled, “calm down I didn’t make it for yours, believe it or not, I was more worried about the pack full of alphas than the pack of teenagers.”

“You’re an idiot you know that,” Derek was furious, “you think I don’t know that you hunters share your little inventions with each other.” Derek shook his head but didn’t push the issue.

Stiles turned when he heard a twig snap, Derek and Scott where in front of him in a second. From deep in the woods Stiles could see twin trails of red as they slowly approached. The red eyes, it was as if they were burned into the world, like over exposed film, where they moved red light followed. They moved fast, Stiles could see a giant beast, elongated arms stretched out to the branches above as the dark shadow swung from branch to branch faster than Stiles could keep up with. But he didn’t have to, he just followed the red trails until he found the eyes again, and as if sensing his presence, they looked directly at him, Jackson roared. He swung off the trees, flipped and turned into a giant wolf. He was almost black, he was soaked with so much blood and caked with so much mud that the white underneath was completely covered, as Jackson ran towards them Stiles became aware of the snarling, Scott trembled where he stood, afraid of what was about to happen to them, Derek looked prepared to do something he felt he was going to regret for a long time.

Stiles couldn’t stand it, he pushed Scott and Derek aside and ran towards Jackson as the others called his name but stayed behind, too afraid of what Jackson would do. Stiles wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t scared, if there was something he learned in his short little life it was that he was filled with more fear than he thought possible, but not right now, he needed to make sure, he need to fucking sack up.

 Jackson was in front of him snarling, eyes wild and red, he roared and Stiles fought against the tears slipping down his face and stood in front of him. Jackson didn’t attack, he wouldn’t, but he roared and snarled and finally fell to his side. He wheezed then and whimpered a sad pathetic sound. Stiles fell to his knees next to Jackson and watched as Jackson turned back to himself, the first thing he saw was the bullet hole, gaping, bleeding. The others came running, Jackson eyes shot open and a snarling growl left his mouth, which was now elongating with a row of giant white fangs. Stiles put his hands on Jackson, the boy looked at him wide eyed and confused. Stiles could see a strange blackness around the wound, it moved away in the tendril shapes of Jackson’s veins.

“It’s okay, Jesus, you’re okay, you’re okay just hold on we’ll get you out of here.” Jackson’s eyes were glassy and unfocused, Stiles touched his forehead and was surprised to find it so hot, Jackson’s eyes finally rolled into the back of his head and his entire body gave a jump, the others jumped too. Jackson body didn’t stop moving, Stiles realized he was having a seizure.

“Fucking do something,” yelled Stiles. He frantically looked at Chris who didn’t move until the boy shouted.

Allison handed her father their backpacks, the man frantically dug around in it until he found a small metal box. He cracked it open and stepped back as liquid spilled over its sides. He looked at Allison and then at Stiles and shook his head ‘ _no’_ , he could do nothing.

Derek and Chris fought, Stiles could hear them in the background arguing and shouting, Allison and Scott tried to break them up. Stiles watched on as Jackson shook and shivered and when blood spilled over Jackson lips Stiles reached out and pried his mouth open and released the boys tongue which now had a huge chunk missing. Stiles couldn’t help the sob that was torn out of his mouth and, finally, Jackson stopped seizing. He just wheezed and wheezed and then Jackson opened his eyes.

“Stiles…”his voice was so soft.

“Yeah, I’m here,” _‘I’m not going anywhere.’_

“’m cold,” Jackson grit his teeth and Stiles watched as a black chunk of something feel out of Jackson’s bullet wound. Stiles picked it up, it was hard, and when he wiped away the blood and the poison he found the bullet, flattened where it crashed into one of Jackson’s bones. Stiles looked at Jackson in surprise, but the wolf’s eyes were closed in pain. Stiles rubbed his hand against Jackson’s bullet wound, he cleaned away the blood until he could see the small hole. It was already closing, the wound was stitching together and from out of it poured an endless stream of black poison.

Stiles turned to see Derek and Chris still yelling futilely at each other, Scott and Allison were still tugging at them yelling as well trying to break up a fight that shouldn’t have started in the first place.

“WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HELP ME!” The other four were stunned silent from Stiles’ outburst. Derek and Chris gave each other one more sheepish look before kneeling in front of Stiles.

Derek dipped low and took a long whiff of Jackson’s wound. “It’s healing,”

“That’s impossible,” said Chris, “that wolfsbane was the most potent stuff our family has ever cultivated.”

“Well it is healing,” said Derek, daring Chris to deny it. The older man dipped low and shone his flash light onto Jackson’s chest. Sure enough, what had once been a gaping wound had shrunk down into something small, the size of a BB, from it spilled out the black poison.

“…We should get him out of here, somewhere dry and warm.” Chris didn’t know how that was possible; the wolfsbane should have killed Jackson.

They ended up at Derek’s apartment, with no one in the streets and as dark as the sky was no one noticed them carrying a bleeding boy up into the building. Derek and Chris set Jackson down onto the sofa; they cleaned the mud and the blood off of Jackson and dried him as well as they could. Jackson was stuck in a haze of pain and unawareness, he would react to no one but Stiles, and even then all he did was mumble and say nothing. They made him as comfortable as possible before taking care of themselves.

Stiles announced to everyone that he was taking a shower, no one seemed to really care but Scott made sure that Stiles knew that when he was out they were going to patch him up. When he was alone in the bathroom he undressed, let the water run cold as it slowly heated and stared at himself in the mirror. Right above his eye was a deep gash surrounded by darkening flesh, he bent his neck around and he could see claw marks, they looked exactly like the ones Jackson had behind his own neck. Stiles didn’t know why, but he smiled at the thought of sharing scars similar to Jackson’s.

There were more claw marks, down his arm and across his body and other small insignificant wounds that Stiles didn’t bother taking note of. He stuck his hand beneath the spray of water and turned to knobs until he felt it was the perfect temperature, scalding hot. He stood beneath the water and hissed as his wounds and bruises panged with pain. He used Derek’s cheap shampoo and soap, he ignored the way it burned his cuts and scrapes but did enjoy the way the hot water soothed his bruises. He stayed in the shower for an hour before finally emerging in a pair of sweats taken from clothes Scott had left in the apartment.

The others were passed out in different rooms of the apartment. Stiles dried his hair and walked into the living room to check on Jackson. The boy was sleeping, his eyes screwed up in pain, he wheezed in deep breathes and Stiles couldn’t help reaching out to feel his temperature, which felt fine, a little hot maybe but nothing to worry about.

“Hey,” Jackson opened his eyes and smiled weakly at Stiles, Stiles pursed his lips before smiling back.

“Hey,” Stiles frowned and Jackson rolled his eyes.

“If you’re going to start talking about how what happened tonight was somehow your fault, please don’t,” Jackson took a long look at Stiles, “It’ll really piss me off.”

“Then I won’t do that,” Stiles continued to run his hands through Jackson’s sweat soaked hair, he didn’t want to lose the comfort of having the boy near him, alive. “You’re my hero, my knight in shining…fur. I was really scared today…” Stiles didn’t want to keep crying, the day had turned into one of the worst days he’d ever had in his life and all he wanted to do was sleep for a week.

“Hey Stiles,” Jackson stretched his hand out, forced Stiles to look at him, Jackson ignored the slow slide of tears that came down Stiles’ face and said, “I’m…still cold.”

Stiles laughed and used the palm of his hands to wipe away the stray tears. That was Jackson code for ‘I want to cuddle’, Stiles knew it well.

He didn’t want to hurt Jackson, he climbed on top of Jackson but wasn’t sure where to lay his body, the couch was small and there was no room for him, Jackson solved the problem by pulling him down on top of him paying absolutely no mind to his own wounds. Stiles sighed into the crook of Jackson’s neck, the wolf really was cold, his pale white flesh was slick with sweat and chilled, like dead meat wrapped in plastic inside the refrigerator. Jackson fell asleep quickly, Stiles waited but couldn’t keep his eyes closed, he just let himself drift off to a dreamless sleep.

 

 

Derek awoke later the next day, he lazily crawled out of bed sorer than he had in a long time, it made him feel much older than he looked, but in his mind it only confirmed how old he actually felt. He sighed as he sat up and popped the bones of his spine by twisting left, then right. He went into his private bathroom and brushed his teeth, showered and dressed in a pair of loose fitting sweats and a black t-shirt. He looked outside his bedroom window and was disappointed it to find the storm was still going strong. Sheets of rain poured down soaking an already too wet town.

Derek walked out to his kitchen, he opened a cabinet that hung above the stove top, it squeaked on its hinges and from it he pulled out a small deep pan. He filled it with water in the sink and then slammed it down onto the stove top, he heard the gas whoosh into flame as he lit the burner. Derek let the water boil, leaned against the counter with his eyes closed, he was beyond exhausted. He heard some noise from inside the apartment and wondered who had woken up.

When the water was bubbling nosily in the pan, hissing as it reached dry areas of the pan, Derek shut off the gas. He pulled the water of the burner and poured a bit into a coffee mug he’d filled with the cremated remains of coffee beans. He stirred it until the coffee grains dissolved thoroughly in the hot water. He walked to his kitchen table and slumped into a chair there. He sipped the coffee slowly letting it warm his cold body. He heard the slap of bare feet as they made their way into the kitchen. Chris stood in the door unsure for a second before walking into the kitchen, he made himself a cup of black coffee and took the seat across from Derek. They sat in silence and listened to the wind as he whistled past the building, the loud platter of water as it hit the ground.

“You awake,” came a voice from the living room. Derek looked at Chris who stared back, neither of them moved or responded. From where they sat they couldn’t see into the living but they both knew who was there.

“Yeah,” came the reply, horse and weak, and yet still intelligible.

“I guess we should talk,”

“What do we need to talk about…I think you’ve pretty much said everything you’ve had to say,”

“That isn’t true, there is so much I want to say, I want you to understand how I feel and why I said what I did and I how I wished it were different and more than anything I don’t want anything to change…I don’t want to be awake.”

“Please, you say that, but it doesn’t change anything does it, you still dumped my ass yesterday, you said you didn’t love me—“

“I didn’t say that, I never said that!”

“…Well it’s what I heard,”

“That isn’t fair…”

Derek didn’t want to hear this, it was something personal that no one had any right to listen to, and yet he stayed where he sat.

“I just need time Jackson, please; I just need some fucking time. I can’t go into a serious relationship with someone still being like I am, like I fucking child.”

“…How much time,”

“I don’t know…”

“I just…I deserve…I deserve better than to end up someone’s second choice Stiles…I won’t wait long.”

The voices in the living room died down until the rain was the only sound that either Derek or Chris could hear. Neither man looked at each other; instead they stared into the brown depths of their coffee cups remembering long lost loves and broken hearts.

 

 

Graduation came quickly, Lydia took her place on stage as the schools valedictorian, everyone was surprised that Jackson of all people had ended up salutatorian, though he shocked everyone more by not actually attending graduation, not even his parents showed up, thought that did make sense.

Stiles went to Jackson’s house the next day, he was worried, or maybe lonely. Jackson’s mother opened the door.

“Hello Stiles, how can I help you,” she seemed in a good mood and Stiles didn’t get why they wouldn’t attend Jackson graduation.

“Yeah, uhhh, sorry for disturbing you, I was just wondering…well I was wondering where Jackson was, he missed graduation and I was kind of worried.”

Stiles watched as a strange emotion passed over Jackson’s mother’s face, “I’m sorry I thought he told you, Jackson was accepted into USC’s early admissions program and he moved down there this past weekend since school starts next week.”

Stiles thanked here and walked away. He climbed into his newly rebuilt old jeep and sat in front of the house longer than he knew was normal. He foolishly thought that maybe he could get a second chance with Jackson that maybe they could start over, fixing things over the summer and still go away to school in the fall, it was dumb.

Stiles had opted out of the early admission and instead decided to start school at the end of the year. He turned his jeep on and felt as it vibrated to life. After the alphas died away and Jackson he held they stopped seeing each other and Stiles was amazed at how lonely he felt, and on his worst night he realized he’d made a mistake, he should never have let Jackson go, he should never have pussied out, Jackson was prime for the taking now, but he’d promised to wait…just not long. He swore to himself that he would take the time over the summer to grow the fuck up and when he went to school in the fall he would do everything he could to win Jackson back, he would, he had to, he was in fact painfully and annoyingly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there was a lot in this chapter that I had to not write or I would never have finished. Like why Jackson takes antidepressants, or the process that Stiles goes to to realize he made a mistake. Anyways, i already know what part two of this fic will be, its going to be about Stiles trying to win Jackson back while also attempting to do all the things he thought he'd miss out on and pretty much failing at both.


End file.
